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Post by MissAnxiety on Nov 6, 2003 11:08:00 GMT -5
What's wrong with me? Honestly, I don't understand people on why they treat me the way they do. I know it's not because I'm shy or whatever (long story). I always think it's because I am ugly. There are people that say I am pretty, but how am I? I watch this girl I use to work with, for example, win everybody over with her charm: people are always saying how good-looking she is. Everybody wants to be around her, go to lunch with her, talk to her, etc. There never is anyone that wants to go to lunch with me unless I ask them. Obviously, though, I'm not likeable enough for people to ask me. It's like that with my sister as well. The sad thing is that she never does stuff with other people because she always has to be with her husband or his family. I'm like I would love to have people ask me to do something with them, and here she is always saying no. She is very likable, but we have similar personalities. We were like best friends, had the same thoughts on things, acted the same way, but the difference is that she is much prettier. That's why I concluded to think that I am ugly. I don't know...I just had to type this out because I something I faced not too long ago that hurts my feelings and all I could do to feel better is to write/type it out. Sorry :'(.
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Post by NoName2Shy on Nov 7, 2003 8:43:02 GMT -5
You know, I did a test recently just to see how people react to certain people...maybe this will show you how shallow some people are and that people like that aren't worth your time, anyway.
I began a night course on Monday. The first night of school, I wore baggy sweats with a hole in the side seam on the leg, I wore a comfy shirt. A harley shirt with torn sleeves. I sat at a table and NOBODY talked to me. Not one person. I cracked a joke, nobody laughed. People gathered with each other and talked, nobody talked to me.
The next night, I dressed a little better. Black pants, black shoes, black shirt. No holes, nothing like that...nobody talked to me, nobody laughed with me, they gathered together. The NICELY dressed girls and the NICELY dressed guy wouldn't give me the time of day..
Next night, dress pants, a nice dress shirt, etc...still.....same thing...
The NEXT night, (last night) I wore jeans and a t-shirt. It wasn't what I was wearing, I found out...it was what vehicle I was in. The first 3 nights, I got a ride from my friend. She has a broken down cluncker truck, orange and rusty, looks like a recess pieces truck...a little tiny truck...looks like it belongs to a crack head. (just generalizing)...anyway, LAST NIGHT, I drove my car. A 2001 Honda CR-V, (SUV).
EVERYONE wanted to be my friend!!! I turned my back and hung out by myself. Those people are so materialistic and stuck up for NOTHING. They have NOTHING more than I do. They are just stupid. They are the ones who have the problems....not us. ;D
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Post by MissAnxiety on Nov 7, 2003 13:53:57 GMT -5
That was a good test. I can agree that a lot of people are materialistic. But with the example of my sister, she doesn't have anything materialistic to offer to gain her "likeableness." Now with the other example of the girl I talked about, I guess her big boobs is what gets her "likeableness"  .  |
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Post by spitzig on Nov 7, 2003 14:02:32 GMT -5
The NEXT night, (last night) I wore jeans and a t-shirt. It wasn't what I was wearing, I found out...it was what vehicle I was in. The first 3 nights, I got a ride from my friend. She has a broken down cluncker truck, orange and rusty, looks like a recess pieces truck...a little tiny truck...looks like it belongs to a crack head. (just generalizing)...anyway, LAST NIGHT, I drove my car. A 2001 Honda CR-V, (SUV). EVERYONE wanted to be my friend!!! I turned my back and hung out by myself. Those people are so materialistic and stuck up for NOTHING. They have NOTHING more than I do. They are just stupid. They are the ones who have the problems....not us. ;D Careful about judging people about being materialistic. You generalized in the paragraph just before, regarding material possessions. It's possible they made the EXACT same generalization. |
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Post by MorbidChild on Nov 22, 2003 14:52:07 GMT -5
I feel the exact same way. I go to school and see everyone in their groups, and don't get me wrong, I have a few friends, but it's difficult to see everyone else in their own little groups. Well, mostly the popular girls. I wish I was prettier. I wish I hadn't been born with plain brown hair and brown eyes. I wish my nose was smaller. I wish I was thinner. The list could go on. There is one boy I like that I used to go out with and he has a new girlfriend now. I hate seeing him with her. I hate her, and I don't even know her. I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and she's better than me and like I'm never going to find a boyfriend who will accept me because I'm ugly.
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Post by spitzig on Nov 28, 2003 21:50:51 GMT -5
I constantly feel like I'm not good enough and she's better than me and like I'm never going to find a boyfriend who will accept me because I'm ugly. Well, you went out with him for a time, so whether you are attractive or not, you were obviously attractive enough for him at one point. There is little that is "objectively attractive", though. It STRONGLY varies from person to person. So, whether you find yourself attractive is not very relevant to whether some boy finds you attractive. And, whether that boy finds you attractive is not very relevant to whether some OTHER boy finds you attractive. Women are amazingly critical about their bodies. One girl was talking about how her ass had some problem. I think it was slang I didn't recognize. I just used it as a good excuse to stare at her ass in a non-rude way. LOL |
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Post by moogle on Dec 2, 2003 9:23:07 GMT -5
I also think you're generalizing a bit much. Now, I know that there are a lot of people that are materialistic and judge people solely on looks.
You say you and your sister have similar personalities. If this had happened to her, would she be blaming it on her looks?
I don't mean to be harsh, but do you have a negative personality? People like cheerful people. It makes them feel good to be around cheerful people. I knew one woman at work that was quite overweight, and people loved her because she was so happy, and even when she was saying something negative, she'd make a joke about it.
The End.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 2, 2003 12:23:23 GMT -5
what is "this"? what are you talking about?
Negative personality? You mean feeling down about myself, i.e., low self-esteem. You can't judge me by one posting, by me expressing how I was feeling at the moment. There are others with esteem issues, so do they have negative personalities? Everyone is "negative" about things sometime in their life, do realize that. Being shy isn't exactly being "cheerful" either. So are shy people negative? Be careful on how you judge others on here. These are just postings, not how people are exactly. For me, it's a way for me to express how I feel sometimes.
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Post by moogle on Dec 3, 2003 11:40:44 GMT -5
Negative personality? You mean feeling down about myself, i.e., low self-esteem. You can't judge me by one posting, by me expressing how I was feeling at the moment. There are others with esteem issues, so do they have negative personalities? Everyone is "negative" about things sometime in their life, do realize that. Being shy isn't exactly being "cheerful" either. So are shy people negative? Be careful on how you judge others on here. These are just postings, not how people are exactly. For me, it's a way for me to express how I feel sometimes. I wasn't trying to judge you on that one post, I was simply asking a question. And, no, being shy doesn't equate being negative, but you weren't even taking your shyness into account as to why people aren't asking you to do things, so I thought, perhaps, you aren't as shy with these people. And low self-esteem doesn't always equate a negative personality, but it can. It has to do without your outlook on life. Negativity came to mind because that is the first thing that turns me off from wanting to be around a person, and since I can't judge you from this one post, I don't know what kind of personality you have. My father is a very negative person. He makes every situation into something bad, and he doesn't like to see others happy. No one in my family likes to be around him. |
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 3, 2003 14:09:46 GMT -5
I know I wasn't, but I was trying to make an example.
"These people" is just a generalization, like co-workers, classmates, etc, etc, so yes I am shy with "these people."
A lot of people are shy because of esteem issues...okay, let's make this sound better, the root of most people with SA have esteem issues. (I have SA.) And most people with SA are shy.
Like I said before, most people have a "negative" outlook on life sometime in their life. Most people are always complaining about something. I just don't like the fact that I feel pulled "out of the crowd," feeling accused of being negative.
You said you "don't mean to be harsh," so I definately took it as you were accusing me (which I know you put a question mark at the end). Do you see where I'm coming from?
And I've seen MANY people who are negative who have many friends unfortunately. Negativity turns me off as well, but I'm actually quite positive. The whole point of my posting was me questioning why I'm in this disposition that I'm in. I have a low self-esteem because, for one, of this thing of me not having "favor" with people as I was pulling examples above. My husband is in the same situation, and I don't understand why people tease him and treat him with disrespect. I think it's because he's too nice to people so they take advantage of it. Nice/cheerful people come last as well.
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 3, 2003 14:23:16 GMT -5
I spent many years believing that women were fools for preferring guys who treated them like crap. Eventually, however, I came to realise that women -generally - prefer confident men. And people, in general, prefer others who have some level of confidence.
I was going way past being nice; I was being obsequious, really, trying to curry favour, or have people like me because they felt sorry for me, or many other unconfident strategies that caused people to lose respect for me.
I was forced to admit that nice guys don't finish last - guys lacking confidence do. In fact, confident, nice guys are greatly preferred by women who have had a few bad experiences in which they mistook aggressive, obnoxious, or rebellious behavior for confidence.
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Post by MissAnxiety on Dec 4, 2003 23:26:49 GMT -5
Yes, my husband lacks confidence; he doesn't give himself enough credit. But he doesn't do anything for anyone to disrespect him. REALLY he doesn't. He doesn't try to get pity or anything like that (and neither do I), or try to get people to feel sorry for him. I observe these situations, and I really see NO reason whatsoever. What he does do, though, is be "too nice" to people. He lets people and family walk all over him. He barely stands up for himself or anything like that. How can he if he doesn't have confidence in himself? It's just a vicious cycle. Even if that's the reason people disrespect him because he's "too nice" is a very pathetic reason to disrespect anyone.
Well, yeah, most people don't know the difference between confidence and arrogance, though.
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Post by CaryGrant on Dec 5, 2003 12:04:19 GMT -5
True enough, Miss A, especially with younger women - they haven't had enough bad experiences to be good at discriminating between confidence and arrogance.
With your husband's lack of confidence, his being "too nice" probably appears to be sucking up. I know this because I've done - and sometimes still do - this, especially with people who intimidate me in some way or who I want to impress. This is a turn-off to people, and they are defending themselves against his "anti-social" behavior (in that people, especially insecure ones, are afraid of someone who appears abnormal).
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