Post by lonelyheart on Aug 29, 2004 2:08:06 GMT -5
As far back as i can remember i have been very shy, well actually I can remember to back when I wasn't shy.
Here is a timeline of sorts of my life as a shy boy.
1988 - Start of Kindergarden:
I vaguely remember at this time that i wasn't shy at all, well.. except for the first day or so.
1989 - 93 - Early Primary school days:
I actually found starting school was quite easy for me, i did not feel any shyness around my peers at school and i even had some good friends (some female too!!)... but, I recall starting to become quite shy around uncles, aunts and cousins. I remember blushing a lot around them, I don't know why really. It was during this period where I started to get addicted to video games.
1993 - 96 - Moved school:
Midway through 1993, i was moved to another primary school and actually found it hard to make new friends, i was starting to feel anxiety in the classroom and recall blushing a numerous amount of times during class. I did make a couple of good friends, one of which I still am good friends with to this day. I recall that from about grade 5 onwards is when i started to feel very uneasy/anxious around girls, starting to blush whenever they spoke to me. I do feel that these were the best years of my schooling though however.. My video game addiction continued to grow, and found that all I would do after school and on the weekends is play the SNES or Mega Drive. This probably made me become less and less social.
1997 - 01 - High school years:
I went to a posh all boys private school for my schooling throughout this period and felt that it was probably the worst in terms of my social anxiety. I felt that being stuck at an all boys college really affected the way that i interact with females as it basically deprived me of contact with female peers (I was never allowed/popular enough to go out to parties etc). I was given a hard time during the early years because of my shyness and also because i was somewhat overweight. I was also quite scared of ever asking teachers for help, i don't exactly know why but I just was, which as a result affected my results.
During the summer of 2000, i decided that i had enough of being overweight and worked on slimming down, surprisingly it worked.. and by the time i had finished grade 12 in 2001, i was quite slim and trim (I didn't get given a hard time at ALL during year 12). I believe that they left me alone because I also worked on my image a fair bit (styling my hair, acting more laid back etc), this kinda helped with my self-confidence but not really.
I had become more and more addicted to computers during this time period and spent a lot of my spare time on the internet, LAN gaming or tinkering with computer hardware. I was basically a social outcast. I tried to become a little more outgoing during my senior years but lack of friends meant that was hard.. I used to go into town on my own to have a meal/walk around in public after school on fridays even though i still felt very anxious while doing so but at that time i just thought that i was weird. Seeing my peers in large groups with girls really made me feel a bit down though.
2002 - : University days
Now that I've been in university for a couple of years, I can't really say that i've gotten much better socially.. I am still quite shy around strangers and find that I still blush a lot around girls/feel anxious. This is the reason why i skip some of my classes (for fear of blushing hard). I still am somewhat scared to ask lecturers/tutors for help, but I still try to whenever I can.
I have become less interested in LAN gaming but still interested in computers but not to the same extent as in my earlier years. I enjoy driving around a lot and I like to learn about/tweak my car these days.
I believe that being alone with not that many friends for so long has really hindered myself growing as a person, as I am still scared to do a lot of social things people take for granted (talk to strangers, talk to girls with no anxiety, ask for help when needed).
I am still quiet around some of my cousins, i don't know why.. I just do not feel comfortable around them to open up.. it is strange.
I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life, nor had a close friend who is female. I do know that I am not ugly, I notice girls 'checking me out'.. I remember once, a complete stranger said hi to me on the street and i just froze and 'snobbed' her.. which I really didn't want to do at all... I never want to do something like that again.
I am sorry if i have bored you all with my stupid waste of a life.
Here is a timeline of sorts of my life as a shy boy.
1988 - Start of Kindergarden:
I vaguely remember at this time that i wasn't shy at all, well.. except for the first day or so.
1989 - 93 - Early Primary school days:
I actually found starting school was quite easy for me, i did not feel any shyness around my peers at school and i even had some good friends (some female too!!)... but, I recall starting to become quite shy around uncles, aunts and cousins. I remember blushing a lot around them, I don't know why really. It was during this period where I started to get addicted to video games.
1993 - 96 - Moved school:
Midway through 1993, i was moved to another primary school and actually found it hard to make new friends, i was starting to feel anxiety in the classroom and recall blushing a numerous amount of times during class. I did make a couple of good friends, one of which I still am good friends with to this day. I recall that from about grade 5 onwards is when i started to feel very uneasy/anxious around girls, starting to blush whenever they spoke to me. I do feel that these were the best years of my schooling though however.. My video game addiction continued to grow, and found that all I would do after school and on the weekends is play the SNES or Mega Drive. This probably made me become less and less social.
1997 - 01 - High school years:
I went to a posh all boys private school for my schooling throughout this period and felt that it was probably the worst in terms of my social anxiety. I felt that being stuck at an all boys college really affected the way that i interact with females as it basically deprived me of contact with female peers (I was never allowed/popular enough to go out to parties etc). I was given a hard time during the early years because of my shyness and also because i was somewhat overweight. I was also quite scared of ever asking teachers for help, i don't exactly know why but I just was, which as a result affected my results.
During the summer of 2000, i decided that i had enough of being overweight and worked on slimming down, surprisingly it worked.. and by the time i had finished grade 12 in 2001, i was quite slim and trim (I didn't get given a hard time at ALL during year 12). I believe that they left me alone because I also worked on my image a fair bit (styling my hair, acting more laid back etc), this kinda helped with my self-confidence but not really.
I had become more and more addicted to computers during this time period and spent a lot of my spare time on the internet, LAN gaming or tinkering with computer hardware. I was basically a social outcast. I tried to become a little more outgoing during my senior years but lack of friends meant that was hard.. I used to go into town on my own to have a meal/walk around in public after school on fridays even though i still felt very anxious while doing so but at that time i just thought that i was weird. Seeing my peers in large groups with girls really made me feel a bit down though.
2002 - : University days
Now that I've been in university for a couple of years, I can't really say that i've gotten much better socially.. I am still quite shy around strangers and find that I still blush a lot around girls/feel anxious. This is the reason why i skip some of my classes (for fear of blushing hard). I still am somewhat scared to ask lecturers/tutors for help, but I still try to whenever I can.
I have become less interested in LAN gaming but still interested in computers but not to the same extent as in my earlier years. I enjoy driving around a lot and I like to learn about/tweak my car these days.
I believe that being alone with not that many friends for so long has really hindered myself growing as a person, as I am still scared to do a lot of social things people take for granted (talk to strangers, talk to girls with no anxiety, ask for help when needed).
I am still quiet around some of my cousins, i don't know why.. I just do not feel comfortable around them to open up.. it is strange.
I have never had a girlfriend in my entire life, nor had a close friend who is female. I do know that I am not ugly, I notice girls 'checking me out'.. I remember once, a complete stranger said hi to me on the street and i just froze and 'snobbed' her.. which I really didn't want to do at all... I never want to do something like that again.
I am sorry if i have bored you all with my stupid waste of a life.
