I can remember not being shy...

[Firefly9]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been lurking here for awhile, and met a few of you a few weeks ago in the chat room, so I thought I should introduce myself. I am 27 yr old female in Kentucky (tho originally from Maryland)

My family says that I have always been shy, but I don’t remember being shy when I was young. I remember being confident, and pretty and having lots of friends. I always felt different from everyone because I was very creative, but I didn’t think being different was bad.

Then in middle school my friends got interested in boys and music and stuff I didn’t care much about. (didn’t like boys until high school). I had a bad time in high school and after that I basically hid in my mom’s house for 7 years. (lots of anime and video games )

About two years ago I realized that I was wasting my life, so I decided to go to college to study archeology. I basically have no friends, only my family to talk to. I feel guilty about leeching off my mom (now she is paying for my school) but I haven’t been able to hold a job because of shyness. I like painting and writing, but am too shy to try to sell my artwork or books. I think that I am ugly, and boring and no one would even want to talk to me and I am not sure if these things are true or just low self-esteem crap.

I have gradually gotten to the point where I can hold casual conversations with people, and even ask questions in class. (which is scary) I joined an academic club at school, which I go to even tho I don’t talk to anyone.

What I really want is to not care so much what people think about me and to make some friends and hold a job. My little brother and sister are both married and have good jobs.
Anyway, I’m glad to have found this forum, so I don’t feel so alone.

thanks for reading!

[lsdima4]

A boring person is usually someone who talks alot without any regard for whether the other people are interested in what they are saying.

Boring happens when people repeat things they read and other people's opinion's and not expressing themselves in the process.

A boring person will go on with things without making a connection to their audience.

[glenn miller]

i am kind of the same.through school i had 1 friend. was real shy. in college no friends. was real hard to get through.have a hard time getting work because of my shyness. i have tried so hard. feel like quiting most of the time. but i keep on tell my self to keep on trying.

[ray]

Hey Firefly9, welcome to Shy United. You'll find plenty of friends here who know what you are going through being shy. You sound like a very nice person. There is all kinds of people here with different degrees of shyness. You saying you hid in your moms house for 7 years sounds like me. I didn't really hide, but I was 28 before I finally moved out. I never really felt like I had a problem at work with shyness. I was quiet but I feel that just made me a harder worker, which helped me to keep jobs. What kind of jobs have you been doing that you say you couldn't keep because of your shyness and how is your shyness affecting you at work? Maybe it's the kind of jobs you are taking. Stay with your education. I know its hard sometimes being shy. I hated school mainly because I couldn't always avoid being put in situations where I knew my shyness was going to take over. I hated oral communications class. I put that class off to the very last class I had to take. What made it even worse for me, I though I would be slick and take it at night so maybe there wouldn't be as many people in the class. I was wrong. I was put in a class with all nurses. I managed to get through it with a passing grade. You say you've met some people here in the chat room. Thats one thing my shyness won't allow me to do. I have never visited any chat rooms. I guess I am afraid I may say something dumb if I don't have time to think through every word I say. So mostly the only people I meet over the internet is through emails and message boards. I never use the telephone. I have a cell phone with 125 minutes a month on it and I use like 12 and thats just calling my mother. You say you want to get to the point where you don't care so much what people think about you. I don't know why it is maybe its comes with age but I've finally gotten to the point where I could care less what people think of me. I talk to poeple when I want to or have to and it doesn't really matter to me what they think of me anymore. They may say I mumble or talk to soft sometimes, I know I have trouble finding the right words at times. If they are polite how they tell me, I'll just say I'm sorry and try to speak louder. If they are rude about it I'll be rude back and tell them it looks like you'll have to listen harden then don't it or something of the sort. In fact really I don't think shyness is that big of deal for me anymore. I'm not saying that I am any less shy, it just don't matter. My problems are bigger than my shyness now but caused by being shy growing up. I mean being as old as I am, I've missed out on so many life experiences that I can never get back. Anyway just thought I would say hi and welcome. Good luck with dealing with your shyness. Also, you need to post a picture at www.silentshadowsrise.com/ so we can see who we are talking to. I know a lot of people are saying they are affraid that someone they know will see it. I've gotten past the point of caring what anyone thinks of me or knows about me anymore. I have nothing to hide. I'm not proud of the way I am but not ashamed of who I am either. I mean if someone was to ask me why I am so quiet they better have a lot of time because I'm am going to give them my whole life story.

[Firefly9]

ray said:

I never really felt like I had a problem at work with shyness. I was quiet but I feel that just made me a harder worker, which helped me to keep jobs. What kind of jobs have you been doing that you say you couldn't keep because of your shyness and how is your shyness affecting you at work?

Well it's not that I get fired from jobs. I'm a hard worder and very responsible, but being "out there" talking to people, having people look at me, just makes me so tired that eventually I just get worn down and end up quitting because I can't stand it anymore. Sometimes I try to turn it into a game - how long can I stand being this miserable? (my record so far is a year)

And it's not just dealing with customers, but co-workers too. When I mess up with customers, they go away and it's not as big a deal but co-workers are always around.
I've also had people take advantage of me by giving me lots of overtime or extra work because they know i'm too shy to refuse.

Jobs I've had so far: veterinary assistant, cashier at grocery store, receptionist, personal assistant, baby sitter, grounds keeper... there's probably more I've blocked out of my memory.

ray said:

I hated oral communications class

Don't remind me. I have to take that, too

I'm envious of you, that you don't care what people think.
I think that if I could be like that things would be easier.

Anyway, thanks for the encouragement,
I'm not sure if I could post my pic online though...

[Medici]

Firefly9,

I also grew up in Maryland, but I don't live there anymore. I was in the Ft. Meade area, south of Baltimore. Anyway, just an idea, you could put your artwork up on the internet somewhere so people could all have a look anonymously. Get some honest feedback about it.

[soulestada]

I am going through similar experiences in school. I talk very rarely, and only because it is some obnoxious a**hole trying to hit on me. Asking questions is scary. Will I sound dumb? Will people laugh? I had to give a speech in one class; I don't konw how I made it through! I thought I was going to faint from having all eyes trained on me! Not a pleasant memory!

[Seabreeze]

Hey Firefly,
u know wat i can totally agree with everyhting uve just said. i almost wept reading ur commentary. i myself am very shy, although i have always been shy. in my case i think my shyness stems from the inability to express myself. Sometimes i feel very lonely and wish to write or do something creative, but i get writers block cos i cant stop thinkin!!. ....any way u shouldnt worry about saying stupid things cos u know wat wen ur speeking to someone theres no right thing to say.

hope ive helped in some way


seabreeze