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Post by shygirlguitarchic on May 29, 2005 0:24:42 GMT -5
Hi my name is McKenna and I'm shy (duh!). I'll tell you a little about myself. I'm fifteen, I'm a freshman, and I homeschool. A lot of people I know think that homeschooling is non-social and whatever. That's a myth. In fact, since I started homeschooling in 7th grade, I've become more talkative. I have no clue when my shyness started. I know I wasn't born shy. When I was a little girl, I was very talkative and outgoing. Everybody in my neighborhood would follow me around and want to do what I did all the time. They would always listen to me and I had a lot of friends. However, when I started puberty (ugh, such a ugly sounding word!) I started to feel more self conscious and awkward around kids my own age. I still do. I'm not involved in any sports, because I never have been and I think it's probably too late for me to start now, because though I like sports, they wouldn't be a life time commitment for me. I like running and swimming and working out, but I just am not into sports enough to be on a team. My parents are both musicians and so naturally, I am too. I sing and can play pretty much any instrument you hand me. I also love acting, because it is so much fun and it just feels so natural to me.
Anyway, I have the usual symptoms of shyness: Not knowing how to start a conversation with kids my own age, afraid to say no to people when they ask me to do something for them, etc. Admittedly, I am not involved in any social activities. I feel this has incouraged my shyness. But I just don't have the guts to sign up for an acting class or some other thing like that. Because I just don't really know how to carry on a conversation with people my own age comfortably. This is probably because I care so much about what people think about, but I don't know how to stop caring. I'm also afraid I'll never have a boyfriend or a future husband. No guy ever seems to even look at me. I just want to be liked by people my own age. I want to have a group of good friends I can hang out with. I have a lot of good friends, but most of them are a few years younger then me. The friends I have that are younger aren't as cold and distant as kids my own age. They don't hang around in clicks(sp?) and talk about filing their nails or going shopping. They like to get out and do stuff. And I still feel like I'm a kid. I don't feel like I've grown up yet, and I just want to play and have fun. I don't want to stand around in a group of girls, talking about fashion and clothes, because that just isn't me. But I desperately want to be less shy. Any tips or advice would be great. Thanks!
~*McKenna~*
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Post by paul1983 on May 29, 2005 1:11:44 GMT -5
Hi McKenna and welcome aboard!
Have you thought about joining a band? You seem to enjoy music, so maybe a band of some sort would be the way to go. That way you can meet others with the same interests as you, and i would imagine making conversation in this sort of atmosphere would be a lot easier. Maybe you could join an acting class and see how it goes. I know it's hard to stop caring about what others think, i used to have that same problem, but i think tackling it head on is the best solution. I know from my experiences, the pictures i had in my head of what people would think of me were far worse than those of reality, most were actually nice and friendly to me.
I'm sure others will jump in on this coversation and offer you more advice!
Paul
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BrownKeys
Junior Member
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?
Posts: 99
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Post by BrownKeys on May 29, 2005 8:00:25 GMT -5
Hi Mckenna!
I could hear you loud and clear when it comes to your problems and likes and dislikes. I don't think i have ever completely gotten over caring for what other people think about me. What i can say though about being less shy is getting involved in something you feel passionately about. In your case, maybe a band would be very, very helpful. People who know me now don't really think of me as being shy, but rather more quiet because i have done a lot of public speaking. At first, public speaking would be the very last thing on earth that i would ever have the guts to do. But then i got involved in this project about this community issue that i thought was really injust. So speaking out about it became very important to me and i found myself at conferences and speaking to all of these important people and this really did boost my self-confidence. I had things to talk about with people because they were interested in the same issues as me. And when you start to do a lot of public speaking, you get jaded and your being shy isn't much of a problem anymore...it all just comes out so naturally because you care about what you are saying and are not paying much attention to what others think. When people see me give a speech now, they think that i have a great public-speaking voice and that i demand attention and don't look so nervous. Before this wouldnot have been the case for me, but now it is only because i have had practice and i love doing what i do. so try combining something that you love with ways to get to meet people. You might be amazed on how well you can carry a conversation if only you felt passionate about your subject.
This may not have addressed all of you needs, but i'm sure others will have a lot of input too.
Welcome!
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Post by wagnerr on May 29, 2005 18:09:18 GMT -5
I remember when i was in high school how much it sucked too. I didn't seem to fit in with any group, or any class for that matter. I joined our high school band too because i had been playing for years already. I made friends in the band, but they were snobby type friends. They had agendas to prove about themselves, and they had to be cool and acceptable first, and have fun second. It seemed like nothing i did was good enough for them. I got the feeling that i was just an embarrassment to have around, and not good for anything. I felt like my whole time in the band was a waste of time. I still do actually, because, well, i wasn't a good musician, and i couldn't march worth a shit. So, if you like music, then go for it. But i wouldn't recommend trying any social activity that involves something you don't like to do. I was in many different activites; karate, baseball, boy scouts, band, wrestling, and i hated all of them. I felt worthless in all of these activites, and this intensified my feelings of worthlessness. I think I've grown out of it now, and i'm pretty sure you will too in time. But i know it isn't easy in high school. So i'd suggest getting into something you know you'd like to do, something you'd enjoy doing. Your enjoyment of the activity will show around other people, and people will like having you around as a result. Like i keep saying, one emotion breeds more of itself in others. If you enjoy yourself in band, for example, the others will enjoy having you around. Hmmm, my post here is kind of abstract i think, but i hope i've helped a little bit.
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streetworm
Full Member
me and my gee-tar at the talent show
Posts: 215
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Post by streetworm on May 29, 2005 23:58:51 GMT -5
I think trying to find others who share that same musical interest would be a good idea. Not even a band necessarily, just others who enjoy the same things you do. Also, and I'm not sure how much you'll like this idea, I would suggest playing your instrument in front of others. Playing in front of others helped me build self-confidence more than anything else has and it did it withing about 10 minutes too. Don't get me wrong, I'm still shy as hell...but I think people realize now that there's more to me than some guy who always sits in the back of class and keeps to himself.
Also, if you like running or jogging or something like that try to go to a place like a park or somewhere that joggers frequent and maybe try to say hello to someone. Even just saying hi to a guy you find cute, giving him a smile, then jogging on would probably be pretty good for you.
It's good that you're trying to find help now though instead of letting things continue as is. I made the mistake of thinking things would just change one day and I would be all better but I've come to learn that there is no miracle cure to shyness, no matter how much I wish there was. It just requires practice, patience, and probably just pure guts more than anything. Making the decision to change is quite easy, but forcing yourself to break out of that shell is much harder. Anyone who succeeds in doing so is braver than any of the people that know's them will ever understand.
I hope you decide to stick around here and I hope you have luck in kicking shyness. Let us know if anything changes, I always like to hear about it when people on here try to make changes in themselves. Just realize that even when you think you've done something severely wrong after taking a chance, it was probably much better for you than you'll realize until later on. It seems like that's how these things work, or that's how they've worked in my experience so far anyways.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Jun 2, 2005 16:46:30 GMT -5
At first, public speaking would be the very last thing on earth that i would ever have the guts to do. But then i got involved in this project about this community issue that i thought was really injust. So speaking out about it became very important to me and i found myself at conferences and speaking to all of these important people and this really did boost my self-confidence. Wow, brownkeys...that's very brave of you! That's way awesome that you got yourself to do that! Anyway, welcome McKenna! It sounds like doing something with music with others would be really good for you...as others have already suggested. Or just joining some club that interests you, if that's possible. I really don't have much advice to give, though, because I'm still trying to figure certain things out. But yeah...hopefully you'll feel as if you can come here if you ever need someone to talk to and understand you.
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BrownKeys
Junior Member
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?
Posts: 99
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Post by BrownKeys on Jun 2, 2005 19:59:04 GMT -5
Thanks Strawberry. Although i am still somewhat shy and what some might call anti-social, this really has helped me to overcome a lot of my issues.
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gLoo
New Member
Posts: 45
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Post by gLoo on Jun 10, 2005 10:36:47 GMT -5
jowdy and welcome
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