BrownKeys
Junior Member
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?
Posts: 99
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Post by BrownKeys on Jun 4, 2005 18:17:33 GMT -5
Four miserable years of high school has just ended for me and the satisfaction that i thought it would be bring has not arrived. I always thought of this as being such an exhilarating moment for me, but it isn't. It just isn't and I don't know why. Sometimes i wake up in the morning and i wonder where my life could possibly be going. I don't know what there is to live for anymore. What's the point, really?
I have about a month until I start working and i don't know what i am going to do in between then. I know I'm going to be extremely depressed. I mean i try to keep myself busy, but that loneliness is always there reminding me that i hardly have friends my own age and such. I've always found it hard to make friends my own age, I'm always around older people-this is something i just can't explain. I've tried to keep up with my writing, reading, painting, music, but I can't help but feel so umpty inside and as if nothing will ever be able to fill the whole. Then i start to watch T.V. and i'll watch it for hours just to take my mind off of thinking so damn much. But afterwards i feel extremely guilty because i think i have wasted so much valuable time.
But really what's the point in it all? What's the point in life when there is nothing giving you piece anymore? Not family, work, or anything. I was brought up in a really religous family, but lately, i've been secretly wondering if there even is a God or if he is who every Christian person thinks he is. Sometimes, i think about it and i know that the only reason i am a part of this religion is because my mother told me to since i was born. Shouldn't i be allowed to choose?
I know i'm sounding very blasphemous, but sometimes i get angry when i think about the concept. No one of asked to be here, but then we are put here and we suffer like animals. I don't know what the point is anymore. I apologize for offending anyone, but this is just how i'm feeling. I've been patiently waiting for some inspiration from above...........................
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Post by blondie86 on Jun 4, 2005 18:30:11 GMT -5
brownkeys, i'm feeling the same way right now actually. i have something to keep me busy (work) but i hate it. every day it's the same thing: get up, go to work, come home and do nothing fun, so tired from work i have blisters all over my feet so i don't even want to walk at all, then i pass out early because i'm so tired from work. then it's time to get up and go to work again, grrrrrr. even on my day off (yesterday) my boss calls and asks me to come into work and i want to get on her good side so i said yes and was there until 5:30 once again. i have nothing happy in my life right now. rarely see my friends and i have no boyfriend, which is killing me because i just want to have someone in my life to care about me and i can spend time with and actually have something to look forward to. all i've had lately are three emotions: sadness, lonliness, and anger. only time i smile is putting on a fake one at work. i too am religious and just wondering if God will give me something to look forward to in life so it's not so worthless and depressing. i hope you feel better brownkeys, try to keep busy or your mind will analyze everything and you'll feel worse when you have nothing to do but sit and think, i know from experience. you paint? that's really cool, i'm also good at art, the only thing i'm really good at but my low self esteem makes me think i suck at everything - including that. what kinds of things do you paint?
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Post by shypsychologyguy on Jun 4, 2005 19:30:45 GMT -5
when I graduated I had the same feeling. I thought graduation would be a euphoric event that I would bust at the seems and it just seemed so insignificant. I think alot of it was because I had no freinds to share the moment with.
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Post by Samantha on Jun 4, 2005 19:31:06 GMT -5
I forgot just how strong emotions are when you are young....this life, what's the point question....well there isn't one. At least not one for certain. I guess we have to find our own. That can take a long time unfortunately.
The only thing you can do is ask yourself "what would make me happy?" When you have an answer, try to find or do whatever will make life worth living. Nowadays we seem to expect that happiness is owed to us. That happiness is a God given right. Unfortunately life is often what we make of it. For a gutless coward like me that's not good news.
However some good news is that life can turn around on it's head on a sixpence. When you are young you think the way you feel now is the way you will feel forever but that's not true. Admittedly it could get worse but most likely it will get better. When you're my age that's not just some paragraph some stranger wrote but a reality you will have experienced.
Life isn't hollywood. We don't get given million dollar dresses to go to premieres, it's a slog and we have to make the best of it when we can. We have to play the cards we are dealt...ick cliche alert! In the end you will find a way, a lifestyle that suits you. I just hope it isn't a consolation lifestyle.
You're young, you have alot of opportunity ahead of you even if you can't see it. Be patient, be strong. Take your chances when you.
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Post by Tal on Jun 5, 2005 4:09:25 GMT -5
Coming from a completely unreligious person, I see the meaning of life - the point of it all, as being something each of us has to decide on our own. There's no God to tell you what to do nor pre-destine your fate, no divine inspiration to provide guidance, just you. The meaning will no doubt change over time, and probably won't ever be 100% obvious.
For most of us, the point of life should be happiness. Unlike Humans, most other animals probably don't have the mental abilities to consider questions such as 'what is the point of it all?' They just live for the moment. We're perhaps cursed with the ability to consider our lives in the long-term, and thus are always worrying that we're not fulfilling some goal or are wasting our years away.
I don’t know whether it’s best to live for the moment, or set out a long-term goal, but either way it’s down to each individual to make themselves happy in what they do and with whom they do it.
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Post by traveler on Jun 5, 2005 4:59:25 GMT -5
true tailsman i mostly live for the time i have.
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BrownKeys
Junior Member
Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won't heal?
Posts: 99
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Post by BrownKeys on Jun 10, 2005 8:48:59 GMT -5
Thanks guys for lending your support and giving your advice. About an hour after i wrote the last thread, one of my mom's best friend died after a long and painful battle with cancer. I met her a couple of times, but we weren't close-but ofcourse my mother was very close to her and it has affected her big time. Her death really had me thinking about a couple of things. Here was this lady whose husband had died a long time ago and as a result was left to care for her mentally retarded son on her own. On top of that, her mother that was living with her was a diabetic. She had been fighting for a long time just to live and she was in a very great deal of pain and her family really needed her. But death doesn't care who you are or those you care about. We were all told that she didn't have long to live-but I think watching her die was probably the hardest thing for her family and friends like my mom, but more particularly for her 12 year old son. The thing that occupies my mind the most right now is the well being of her son. Although he will be living with his aunt now, nothing will ever be able to fill that hole for him. I heard it isn't good to compare someone else's problem with your own because every problem is unique to each individual and at the end of the day, focusing on someone else's does not make your problem go away. But in this case, I have thought a lot more about how lucky I am and how much I have to be greatful for. I can definately hear some of you when you say to live for the moment and that there will be things to look forward to later in life. Sometimes it does take a huge issue to make light of how small your issue is. Yeah, i could talk about not having a lot of friends and what not, but i can honestly say that i have a great loving family that really cares about me and would like to see me happy. No, that doesn't mean that acknowledging this is going to make my shyness suddenly disappear and have friends cause they are still my problem. But i think acknowledging this will help me to be a lot happier with my self and to start to be more positive about how things are going. When i am happier with myself, more people tend to want to be around me. brownkeys, i'm feeling the same way right now actually. i have nothing happy in my life right now. rarely see my friends and i have no boyfriend, which is killing me because i just want to have someone in my life to care about me and i can spend time with and actually have something to look forward to. I know exactly how you feel about not having a boyfriend because i've never really had one. Well, at least I don't know what i'm missing, which i guess isn't a good thing anyway. A the same time i think that my trying to look for one is not going to help me much. Why would someone want to start a relationship with with someone who is so unhappy with themself? I think i have to start working on loving myself more before I can expect a total stranger to love me too. That reminds me of that song Diana Ross sings "you can't hurry love." all i've had lately are three emotions: sadness, lonliness, and anger. only time i smile is putting on a fake one at work. I definately kow what it's like to have to put on a smile when in the inside, you're hurting or are extremely upset. It sucks not to be able to let people know how you really feel which is what happened at my school since i think most people see me as being angry or something (which is different from what you are saying). When my english teacher said that i wasn't the most bubbly person and that i need to smile more, I felt hurt, not because she hurt my feelings per say, but because i spent a whole year in her class and she has never had the chance to really see me-a lot of people at school haven't seen me and i think that is probably why i felt like there was some unfinished business. But i guess i'll be ending on a high note. My graduation is on tuesday and i'm giving the salutatorian speech. Maybe this is my chance to share what's really on my own. I missed valedictorian by 1/10 of a point. you paint? that's really cool, i'm also good at art, the only thing i'm really good at but my low self esteem makes me think i suck at everything - including that. what kinds of things do you paint? Trust me, i'm not your typical artist. I just like painting because it alleviates stress and is just so relaxing and beautiful. When i was going through severe depression in the tenth grade, my art class was my only escape from my reality. I would just sketch something then paint over them. I'm most proud of my watercolors. I have those paintings hanging in my bedroom wall and when i'm feeling down, i look at my work and they remind me that i have a soul inside and that i am a survivor. I think everyone is there own artist because we all have our own unique perceptions of life and levels of creativity. Therefore, you can't suck if your art is representative of your own creativity
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