Journal I'm keeping

[chemistry]

I posted this elsewhere but I think It's more appropriate in this area.

My whole life, I've had the number 36 in my mind. As if it were a premonition or something.

Now, that I am 36, something has told me that this will be the year of change for me.

So far, I've seen little differences. I'm more outgoing, I'm taking more chances and I'm standing up for myself.

Since I believe this is the year of chance, I've decided to document in a journal all of the events that happen during this year. I started it on 5/27/05 (One day before my 36th birthday, kind of like a prelude). My last entry will be 5/28/06, so it will be interesting to see what happens during this year.

I have three goals that I'd like to accomplish if possible

1. Find a better job
2. Lose weight (so far so good )
and of course
3. Meet a special woman and lose my virginity (this is gonna be the tough one)

So, hopefully by 5/28, I'll be able to write with pleasure that all goals were achieved. We'll see.

[wagnerr]

All right Biology!! Good luck!

[chemistry]

Biology? I don't think I've ever been called that before.

[Bodhi]

I think thats a great idea Chem. I think it can only help motivate you and get your mind set on your goals. I think maybe I should start writing a journal. I usually write random things in a notebook but no real journal with entries everyday. I am also with you in thinking that this could be the year of change for me too. I graduated college in January, I got my first real job, and my next goal is to get a girlfriend, which I'm closer to than I've ever been before. I always thought that if I had a regular job and girlfriend or wife, my life would be set and even if I was shy it wouldn't matter too much because I had my main goals already. I think then I could rest and forget about all the stress and pain that I've experienced in the last number of years.

[chemistry]

That's exactly what I'm trying to do, get rid of my pain. I would love to have someone special in my life. When I bitch and moan about how lucky all of you are (you said you're closer than you've ever been to finding a girlfriend), it's because I'm lonely and i feel abnormal about being a virgin at 36 years old. I hate complaining about it and that's why I'm making attempts to correct this situation. The journal is just part of it. I've joined a dating site, I'm beginning to attend singles functions and I'm much more outgoing than I've ever been. My problem is I'm an impatient jealous ass hole who gets depressed when reading some of the stories from the younger members of this site. It's not easy to know that teens and twenty-somethings are having sex and are in a loving relationship and I'm still struggling at my age. But, enough of that. From now on, positive thinking. That's the only way I''m gonna get what I want by being upbeat. Today, I'm going swimming at my parent's building. I might meet somebody, I might not but if I don't go, I won't know.

Chem

[Bodhi]

chemistry said:

That's exactly what I'm trying to do, get rid of my pain. I would love to have someone special in my life. When I bitch and moan about how lucky all of you are (you said you're closer than you've ever been to finding a girlfriend), it's because I'm lonely and i feel abnormal about being a virgin at 36 years old. I hate complaining about it and that's why I'm making attempts to correct this situation. The journal is just part of it. I've joined a dating site, I'm beginning to attend singles functions and I'm much more outgoing than I've ever been. My problem is I'm an impatient jealous ass hole who gets depressed when reading some of the stories from the younger members of this site. It's not easy to know that teens and twenty-somethings are having sex and are in a loving relationship and I'm still struggling at my age. But, enough of that. From now on, positive thinking. That's the only way I''m gonna get what I want by being upbeat. Today, I'm going swimming at my parent's building. I might meet somebody, I might not but if I don't go, I won't know.

Chem

No need to defend how you feel, I understand and can relate to how it can feel when people you know are having good relationships and managing to get girlfriends and you are still alone. It makes you feel like crap and like some sort of social outcast. But I think if you can keep up your positive attitude and continue going to singles functions and using a dating service you can get a girlfriend. The key is not to get discouraged if something goes wrong, but just forget it and move on. Also don't feel jealous of me yet, I may be closer because I think there is a girl at work that might like me, but that is still uncertain and even if she does like me I have to talk to her more and then ask her out, both things I have very liitle confidence in myself that I can do. But maybe if I can do it(someone who has the absolute minimum of experience with girls and has never had a serious girlfriend) then there is hope that any shy guy can do it too. Positive thinking all the way.

[chemistry]

Unfortunately, there is only one girl who I work with and she's already married. I wouldn't get involved with her anyway because I prefer not to get involved with my co-workers. I try not to get involved with my customers either. i dated a customer way back when and it turned out to be a total disaster.

Believe me, I don't want to be jealous. I hate being jealous but i also hate the fact that every other guy seems to get there before me. You know what I mean, the old "Oh, I just started seeing someone" or "It's starting to get serious with the guy I'm seeing now". Just once, I'd like the timing to be just right and everything should work out alright. I get sick of dating these superficial, air headed, non-interesting women.

I won't give up. There is someone out there for me and I'll find her, believe me.

Chem