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Post by wonkothesane on Jan 14, 2006 11:55:47 GMT -5
Fate or coincedence- doesn't really matter how you look at it, I think sometimes life presents you with opportunities, and shows you these things with some kind of coincedental occurance , its up to you to take them- that doesn't mean everything will turn out how you imagined- but its like a big sign post that says- you should probably take the next left, its the senic route and a bit more interesting than what your doing now.
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Post by Bodhi on Jan 17, 2006 16:30:22 GMT -5
Man, life can be complicated. I kind of forgot about that 'fate' girl but I did send her my AIM screen name when I orginally was messaging her, and the last two days she actually IM'd me and we started talking. Well she seems pretty cool, she even is a huge Phillies fan, and knows almost more than me, and I know alot.  So now I think I should ask her out for coffee, considering we live in the same town. But just thinking of it makes me soooo nervous. I keep thinking I will get there and maybe we could talk for a couple minutes, but then I'll run out of things to say and it will just be complete awkward silence. I'm terrible at sustaining conversations. But then theres also the complication of I like this Brooklyn girl and think I want to go to NYC maybe next week and meet her. I am a bit less nervous about meeting her since we've talked alot longer and see seems more shy. For some reason I think I'd be more comfortable around a very shy girl than an outgoing one, although an outgoing one would probally be better at keeping the conversation going. Anyway, should I meet with both and them, assuming of course they both accept? Theres a strong possibility I'll be rejected by at least one I'd think, so maybe meeting with both is good. Of course I guess there is a small possibility I like both and both like me and then I'd have a problem, but it seems unlikely. I've heard in dating you should look at a bunch of possibilities to find someone you really click with. But I'm so nervous about meeting them I hope I can find the courage to actually go through with it. Just thinking about having to go and meet in person makes my anxiety levels spike. Sorry, I'm not complaining about having two possibilities when a lot of people have none. I just am confused about what to do. |
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Post by sushiboat on Jan 17, 2006 17:00:41 GMT -5
Yes, meet them both.
There is nothing wrong with dating more than one woman before you have explicitly made an arrangement to be exclusive. If you are in a hurry to lock someone into an exclusive relationship, it will probably backfire.
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Post by zaab on Jan 17, 2006 22:55:30 GMT -5
I agree. Meet them both. You're doing nothing dishonest here. You can't be sure which one you will click with until you try. Exclusivity is for later.
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Post by Bodhi on Jan 17, 2006 23:37:20 GMT -5
I agree. Meet them both. You're doing nothing dishonest here. You can't be sure which one you will click with until you try. Exclusivity is for later. Yeah, I think I agree, although I know some people disagree about the exclusivity of online relationships.  Anyway I'm just so nervous about actually going out on the date. I feel so awkward with myself and that I'll come off like an idiot. I'm so inexperienced at these things. I guess though the only way to get experience is to just go do it. I have to disregard the fear and just do it. I hope I can gather the courage to though, and not chicken out like many times in my life. Anyone have any tips on gaining confidence in the dating arena? |
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Post by MrNice on Jan 18, 2006 1:01:22 GMT -5
coke is the only answer
other then that just do it
the sooner you do it, the less pain you will feel if things don't go right, this much is certain
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Post by Max Power on Jan 18, 2006 15:00:30 GMT -5
Fate can kiss my ass. That goes for destiny, too!
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Post by Bodhi on Jan 19, 2006 16:13:11 GMT -5
I think tonight I'm going to ask the girl who lives in my town out for coffee(if shes online). I also still want to go to New York and meet the other girl. I am a little less nervous about things because I kind of changed how I'm thinking about it. Before I was focused on my perfectionist ways and thought the date would have to go perfectly and she would have to really like me. Anything other than that made me feel depressed and like the date would have been a failure. My thinking was way too focused on this being someone I would become a couple with and I had to do everything perfectly to acheive this. But now I have become more realistic and am going to be thinking as these dates(assuming either girl agrees to go on one)as learning experiences. They will be something that I can build upon and use as an experience for dates I will go on in the future. I am not going to judge it based on if I become a couple with the girl, but only that I did it and even if it went bad I will know in the future what to do and what not to do. Of course I hope it goes well and I do have a relationship with one of the girls, but if I don't I will not beat myself up or think I'm a failure. Thinking this way has made me less nervous about going on the date, so hopefully I will do better then. Not caring might actually make me more open and more able to do well. I think this is how every guy in my situation(someone who has had no dating experience and wants to start) should go into things. It feels kind of freeing. |
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Post by sushiboat on Jan 19, 2006 17:02:46 GMT -5
Good outlook. Even if you get into a relationship, it may not last the rest of your life, so you will probably be single again. Experience will make you more comfortable with yourself, which is attractive.
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Post by Bodhi on Apr 11, 2006 22:28:04 GMT -5
About your girl situation, since fate has already started showing itself to you, I'd just go with the flow of what already is happening.. if this girl from Borders is meant to be, the other girl you're talking to will fall away and the Borders girl will come more clearly into the picture. You'll have to let us know what happens. Wow, just reading this old thread and that's exactly what has happened since then. The other girl has faded away and I'm going on a third date now with the girl that I saw at the Borders. I'm still not believing in fate yet though, since I'm still cautious about things. But if we do become a couple, I might start to rethink my views on life. Although I know logically its easy to believe in fate and destiny when good things happen, but when bad things happen that's a different story. |
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Post by greedygoddess19 on Apr 11, 2006 23:20:54 GMT -5
I think me and my fiancee met by fate. Me and him enrolled in school on the same day, and we took classes together, but the thing is both of us were supposed to go in on the 13 of April last year and about 4 weeks before we were enroled our recruiter lost his and my birth certificates and so we got schedualed to go another day and it happened to be on the same day again. Well when we actually met for the first time we both found out that we lived in the same town our whole lives and never saw each other.
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Post by GreenFerret on Apr 12, 2006 0:38:26 GMT -5
The two recent posts by Bodhi and GreedyGoddess bring up some interesting points.
It seems like so many of the couples I hear about, especially on this site, lol, will tell you that there is some weird way they met their SO that makes them wonder about "fate" and having been "meant" to meet--myself included. I met Scotslad in chat the first day I worked up the courage to go in there, and it was only his second day in chat and the first day he'd joined SU--and if we hadn't ended up being the last ones in the chat room (actually one guy must have fallen asleep or something), I'd say there's a very good chance we would not have become friends, let alone more. Another friend of mine, this guy she's sort of dating first initiated friendly conversation on the birthday he didn't yet realize they both shared. And then there are the stories people share on here.
Does all of this point to Fate having something special pre-scripted into each of our lives? Or do these anecdotes simply shed light on the nature of "coincidence" and on the way that our brains work to explain and interpret the events in our lives? I lean toward the latter explanation, but as I don't have anything concrete to share--I read something about the meaning of coincidence that would be applicable but that I can't quite recall--I'd be interested to know what other people think...
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Post by sushiboat on Apr 12, 2006 1:09:30 GMT -5
Coincidence? Yes. Things beyond any one person's control? Yes. Fate? No.
For every story of a chance encounter leading to romance, there are ten about chance encounters that didn't lead anywhere. The difference is that the latter stories never get told.
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Post by Stranger on Apr 12, 2006 9:20:07 GMT -5
Does all of this point to Fate having something special pre-scripted into each of our lives? Or do these anecdotes simply shed light on the nature of "coincidence" and on the way that our brains work to explain and interpret the events in our lives? I lean toward the latter explanation, but as I don't have anything concrete to share--I read something about the meaning of coincidence that would be applicable but that I can't quite recall--I'd be interested to know what other people think... I think it's all in the numbers. There's a huuuuge number of these fanciful, mystical things that two people could have in common. The probability that a couple share any given one is quite small, but the probability that they share at least one is quite high. It's sorta like the so-called birthday paradox. See, math doesn't just suck 'cause it's nerdy - it can really destroy romance! |
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Post by nats on Apr 12, 2006 11:32:51 GMT -5
This hasn't really got any relevance her but i love the story of plato's hermaphrodites.
He said something along the lines of there was a perfect race that lived on the moon that were joined both male and female. They were perfect and happy and didn't need the gods. So the gods got jelous and split them up.
They were left with a wound that they would never forget, that wound was our hearts and emotions. Now we spend our lives trying to find our perfect other halfs, and through each reincarnation we search till we find them.
I think that's really sweet.
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So now I think I should ask her out for coffee, considering we live in the same town. But just thinking of it makes me soooo nervous. I keep thinking I will get there and maybe we could talk for a couple minutes, but then I'll run out of things to say and it will just be complete awkward silence. I'm terrible at sustaining conversations.
