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Post by shy girl on Jul 12, 2003 11:42:58 GMT -5
Now that School has finished, I was looking back over my past year and thinking about how many chances I have missed and how many things that I have regretted because of my shyness, and for the first time in my life, instead of just thinking negatively about my shyness I am really determined to get over it all. People have always told me that I should try to become less shy but I have always glossed over it, seeing it as something negative that was part of me, and that I would never be able to get rid of. Now however, I want more than anything to become less shy. Does anyone have any ideas about where I should begin? I need loads of help so please reply
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Post by Twice-Shy on Jul 13, 2003 12:13:47 GMT -5
Excellent question. There is an excellent free overcoming shyness email course that is advertised on the Homepage of SHY United. Click on the ad and sign up. I have done this course myself and it is good. It allows you to analyse what makes you shy and how you can become less so.
Another practicle tip is to join a club. The summer time is a great time to do it. Pick something that you have a passion for - like writing poetry for example. You will be able to speak confidently during the club, which will rub off on you overall.
Another tip: have you signed up for our SHY Dating on our main SHY United site? Its free and a great way to meet new friends or a soulmate. There's nothing like a bit of summer romance! Try it.!
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Post by glenn miller on Jul 14, 2003 11:40:49 GMT -5
i have tried that to.
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Post by serenity on Jul 15, 2003 6:59:28 GMT -5
Shygirl, I can understand what your saying about looking over your past and seeing missed chances and regrets caused by shyness. I have done so myself. It's proactive of you to have looked back at these things and feel motivation to become less shy, very praiseworthy. I'm not sure I can help. But here's a couple of ideas you might consider. You can visit www.shykids.com/index.html A site for shy kids and teens. You could also look for a book on shyness at amazon.com Several of the books have ratings and reviews you can read along with a description of the book.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Jul 15, 2003 9:15:03 GMT -5
Good advice there.
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Post by glenn miller on Aug 8, 2003 11:15:27 GMT -5
i have looked over my passed to. saw the same.
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Post by NewOrleansLady on Aug 15, 2003 14:27:22 GMT -5
Can a person really overcome shyness? I have come a long way as far as my being shy but, I think that I will always be quiet. It's just who I am. You need to find out where and how you are most comfortable. For instance, I can't dance so I'm just not comfortable doing it (I've tried many times). So when I go out with friends I don't put that pressure on myself anymore. That, in turn, has made me more confident. I can let people know when something just isn't "my thing" and not feel embarrassed about it. So, it has got to come from within. Pay attention to yourself, instead of others, and find out when/where/how you are most comfortable and than just accept the fact that you might not be comfortable doing things that others like to do. So you have friends who like to go out dancing while you would rather sit on the side and watch, it's not as big a deal as us "shy" people make it out to be.
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Post by spitzig on Aug 21, 2003 1:29:35 GMT -5
I think the difference between shyness and introversion/being quiet is the anxiety that goes along with being shy. A non-shy person can talk to a person(or not talk to them) and not get nervous about the person's reaction. Or go to a club and dance(or not dance) and not get nervous about peoples' reactions.
A shy person isn't neccessarily any worse at these things. They might appear to be because they are all tense, though.
I consider introversion a matter of taste--the degree to which a person enjoys spending time by themselves or with others. When there is no nervousness involved. There is nervousness involved, though. So introversion and shyness tend to reinforce one another. There are a lot of extroverted shy people, though.
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Post by Jacko on Oct 23, 2003 19:07:38 GMT -5
Don't try the fighting approach, this is natural , but fighting and getting angry with yoiurself/ shyness just puts fuel on the fire because you are using negative emotions to fight negative emotions and you may spiral down. Ignore the negative thoughts and look at the situation and your own talents rationally
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l0ner
Junior Member
Posts: 68
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Post by l0ner on Apr 4, 2004 19:39:57 GMT -5
Are you talking about this? www.shy.singlescrowd.com/From reading the description and looking at some of the profiles, it doesn't really seem like a "shy dating service" to me, just a regular one.
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Post by atvrider on Apr 10, 2004 12:10:17 GMT -5
Shygirl, I've been in the same boat you are in. I've had many regrets because of my shyness as well. Looking back on the past and dwelling on it does no good. It is done and over with. However, the good thing is you have recognized your obstacle of being shy. This is a good thing. Before I go on I must ask if you are willing to do whatever it takes to overcome your shyness? If you are, then here are some pointers that might help you. One thing you have to realize is you will not overcome shyness over night. It is something that will take time. You mentioned that you see your shyness as something negative that is a part of you. What happens is the mind likes to dwell on the negative aspects of us that are somehow wrong or not right. In doing so, your mind associates an "Identity" with your shyness. It tells you this is who you are and you can't change that, but the good news is you can . The reason that shyness is so hard to overcome is the fact that we fear changing our "Identity" and venturing off into the unknown. We fear what might come if we disassociate with our shyness "identity." That's one reason it is so hard to overcome. When looking your shyness fear in the face, ask yourself two questions: (1) What's the worst thing that can happen? (2) If I don't take action, what will it cost me? This amounts to the regrets in life. I shoulda, coulda, woulda, but I didn't. Something else that might help is monitoring your inner dialouge. When you feel negativity arising because of your shyness or for some other reason, turn it into something positive. For example, I can't overcome my shyness (negative) to I will overcome my shyness (positive), but you have to believe that it is possible and it is! Which leads me to another point. The power of positive affirmations. All an affirmation is is a positive statement that something is already happening. A few examples would be....Negative: I will handle my fears. Postive: I am now handling my fears. Negative: I am no longer putting myself down. Positive: I am becoming more confident every day. All you do is repeat the positive affirmations to yourself everyday! Another suggestion might be to look for books that will help you in understanding your shyness and overcoming it. And the last suggestion I'll make is the power of visualization. This involves visualizing yourself in a situation where you are overcoming your shyness and everything that comes out of it is positive. For example, Close your eyes and visualize yourself approaching someone and carrying on a conversation with them. See you and this other person enjoying each other, laughing, smiling, and having a great time. And noticed that what you feared never happened. When you continue to visualize yourself "doing" something about your shyness and when you actually do something about it, your confidence level will begin to increase, especially if the situation is like the one you visualized. Well, I hope this helps you and anyone else who reads this. Feel free to contact me! I'll do my best to help and if nothing else offer a listening ear!
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Post by sushiboat on Apr 11, 2004 23:43:27 GMT -5
Overcoming shyness is too distant a goal for most of us. I figure that it's better to focus on what you do, not on what you feel. Once you do something enough, you will become better at it and be less nervous. We are creatures of habit, so we have to develop social habits that will serve us well, even when we feel nervous.
Books and courses might help you. However, reading alone won't get you where you want to go. You have to get out of the house, pick up the phone, say hi, join a club, or whatever.
And you have to be persistent as hell. Expect to fail 1000 times, and be determined to keep trying new things. Failure is OK. You can learn from failure. You can't learn from sitting on your butt or daydreaming.
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Post by Alecto on Apr 13, 2004 8:17:33 GMT -5
You bring up a good point sushiboat.
Reading books may give you an idea, but it takes going out there and joining clubs, and participating in activities to help overcome shyness.
You can read the book, and dream about being like that, or you can just go out there and do it. ;D
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Post by CaryGrant on Apr 13, 2004 13:32:10 GMT -5
It helped me to read the books AND go out and do it. The books made me realise I could overcome shyness, and gave tips on how to do so. I had spent many years blundering about, trying various things, but reading about shyness helped make my efforts conscious and focused, rather than desperate and random. Seeing a therapist can do the same things.
lOner - I tried the shy dating site, and I think most of the people are shy. I get messages from all over the world, and when I respond, never hear from them again. Sounds like shy people to me.... ;D
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Post by old free guy on Nov 29, 2004 3:06:47 GMT -5
And you have to be persistent as hell. Expect to fail 1000 times, and be determined to keep trying new things. Failure is OK. You can learn from failure. You can't learn from sitting on your butt or daydreaming. The first thing I think we have to learn is how to handle rejections or the fear of not being perfect. When we can handle the emotional pain of possible failure, we are ready to go and try more things.
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