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Post by CaryGrant on Nov 16, 2003 12:18:22 GMT -5
Some years ago, I was really down after being dumped by a woman I was madly in love with. It was not a good scene - I could barely function, I thought I was going to implode from all the tension and stress.
To try and save myself, I picked up this book: "How to Stop Worry in One Second," by Craig B. Mardus, and it actually worked. It helps with shyness, too.
Basically, Mardus makes the point that worry and stress build over time and get progressively harder to stop. Therefore, he says, you have to stop the worry cycle as soon as possible.
When I was really down and feeling like I was going to die, I took his suggestion and did something to break my thought pattern. I would get in the car (privacy) and sing along with whatever was on the radio, and I have to admit, it worked. It's almost impossible to be worried or depressed if you're singing. My singing broke the negative pattern I was in, though sometimes the hardest part was wanting to break the pattern. Feeling depressed can be addictive - it can become more comfortable than doing something about it.
Since then, when I notice myself starting to tense up due to shyness, or stress over money, or get down on myself, I try immediately to do something to break that thought pattern. Sometimes I have to leave the situation because I'm not (yet) capable of handling the stress of being in it, but that's ok.
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Post by Twice-Shy on Nov 17, 2003 5:11:07 GMT -5
Funny you should mention that Cary, I do the exact same everymorning when I drive over to visit my brother in hospital. My youngest brother has a brillian cd collection so I steal one of his for the day. I sing along to whatever kind of mood I'm in. Last week it was Blur, The Smiths and Oasis.
I am a great believer in using positivr forces to pull me out of ruts. I had a bad time about a year and a half ago when my marriage broke down and I tried to commit suicide. I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for 8 days. When I came home I have worked hard at turning things around. I set up a Huntington's Disease website as well as this one. I also ran the Belfast marathon for charity in May and raised a lot of money.
Just do anything you can to enjoy every day.
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2shy
New Member
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Post by 2shy on Nov 18, 2003 9:54:04 GMT -5
My singing broke the negative pattern I was in, though sometimes the hardest part was wanting to break the pattern. Feeling depressed can be addictive - it can become more comfortable than doing something about it. Isn't that a fact! Humiliating and bang-your-head-against-the-wall frustrating, but a fact nevertheless. I know meditating and praying (have a hard time with religion, but using the 'Higher Power of your understanding') have a good efffect on my state of mind, but when I really need it, I find it is easier to s u f f e r than to work to make myself better. |
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Post by Twice-Shy on Dec 1, 2003 5:30:57 GMT -5
I find that I almost enjoy wallowing in self pity at times.
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Post by aux2 on Aug 28, 2004 9:56:40 GMT -5
I'm so glad to hear others talk about not wanting to get 'undepressed'. That's very true for me also. I sometimes think it's a cycle - being depresses drains my energy so that I don't have the energy to try & get undepressed.
I think it can be addicting to wallow in self pity - I go through the cycle of self-pity, then getting down on myself for having too much self-pity & getting more depressed because of pitying myself to much, etc, etc, etc.
I'm just starting to really try & do something about my shyness/social anxiety.
Does anyone know of support groups in the greater Cincinnati area?
Thanks
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ShyOne
Junior Member
Posts: 69
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Post by ShyOne on Sept 16, 2004 17:20:28 GMT -5
being depressed is like my life now. ;D
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Post by PapaRoachGrl on Sept 23, 2004 0:13:00 GMT -5
Really?? Do you sing along with a certain genre? I sing along to my favorite songs all the time (mostly rock) , but most of them mirror my feelings of sadness and alienation. I usually feel even *worse*!  |
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Post by erikleo on Sept 24, 2004 14:26:12 GMT -5
Interesting!  Ive just found this site and posted a question about singing on the general board! |
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Post by altaira on Oct 5, 2004 21:08:20 GMT -5
How would you suggest doing this "interruption" in the workplace, where you can't really break away from the situation.
Most of my problems with shyness occurs in the workplace.
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Post by Orionation on Oct 12, 2004 15:44:04 GMT -5
I tend to do this anyway.. just figured it out naturally when even im down about something I just take a break and relax and listen to some music or watch some TV or something that is enjoyable that will get my mind off of anything else. The problem with me is that I am getting so deep into depression that it is really affecting my grades at school. I have 4 classes this semester at my high school.. i am barely passing 2 of them, because im so depressed that i can't concentrate on it and absolutly cannot get the motivation right now to just sit down and make myself do the homework and continue doing it. These are advanced calculus and english classes so you really have to do the homework and pay attention in class in order to even hope to do well on the tests. SO i have trouble focusing on my homework and i get stressed and frustrated.. so i take breaks (right now is one of them) and chill out for a while.. but as a result, IF i even finish my homework, i end up staying up late to do it.. so im so tired the next day that i spend my class time concentrating on trying to stay awake, and dont take in what is taught in class.. so I have to teach myself at home and dont understand it as well.. on top of everything else i have to do. Its a continuous cycle that only adds onto my stress and depression and although breaking the thought pattern helps temporarly, in the end it actually makes matters worse... so i dont know what to do.
To make things even worse.. my parents are the type who really expect me to do absolutly great in school or i get busted. No matter how well i do.. ive always got to do better. They have burned me out and I have absolutly no desire to study and do good... i have to sit down and sometimes almost literally yell and beat myself just to force myself to take out my books and get busy. My parents have threatened to ground me from my computer for an entire semester (they said no computer except on the weekends.. even if i finish my homework i do a second time or study until i recite every last peice of it in my sleep) simply for bringing home a C. Now I have two barely passing grades because of this depression... and in my senior year of high school... and report cards go out next week... so that has added even more stress and worry. Breaking the thought pattern will do until then.. but then once the day comes, im in for it.. i dont know wut to do... my parents think that im just using this as an excuse to do other things instead of focusing on my homework every chance i get... they dont understand how serious it is.
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Post by browneyes on Nov 10, 2004 23:11:22 GMT -5
I tend to do this anyway.. just figured it out naturally when even im down about something I just take a break and relax and listen to some music or watch some TV or something that is enjoyable that will get my mind off of anything else. The problem with me is that I am getting so deep into depression that it is really affecting my grades at school. I have 4 classes this semester at my high school.. i am barely passing 2 of them, because im so depressed that i can't concentrate on it and absolutly cannot get the motivation right now to just sit down and make myself do the homework and continue doing it. These are advanced calculus and english classes so you really have to do the homework and pay attention in class in order to even hope to do well on the tests. SO i have trouble focusing on my homework and i get stressed and frustrated.. so i take breaks (right now is one of them) and chill out for a while.. but as a result, IF i even finish my homework, i end up staying up late to do it.. so im so tired the next day that i spend my class time concentrating on trying to stay awake, and dont take in what is taught in class.. so I have to teach myself at home and dont understand it as well.. on top of everything else i have to do. Its a continuous cycle that only adds onto my stress and depression and although breaking the thought pattern helps temporarly, in the end it actually makes matters worse... so i dont know what to do. To make things even worse.. my parents are the type who really expect me to do absolutly great in school or i get busted. No matter how well i do.. ive always got to do better. They have burned me out and I have absolutly no desire to study and do good... i have to sit down and sometimes almost literally yell and beat myself just to force myself to take out my books and get busy. My parents have threatened to ground me from my computer for an entire semester (they said no computer except on the weekends.. even if i finish my homework i do a second time or study until i recite every last peice of it in my sleep) simply for bringing home a C. Now I have two barely passing grades because of this depression... and in my senior year of high school... and report cards go out next week... so that has added even more stress and worry. Breaking the thought pattern will do until then.. but then once the day comes, im in for it.. i dont know wut to do... my parents think that im just using this as an excuse to do other things instead of focusing on my homework every chance i get... they dont understand how serious it is. Orionation, If you are getting so depressed, maybe you can try to reach out to your guidance counselor and let her know how you are struggling with school work. I'm sure she can help you with the depression part and then assist you on getting a tutor. Also, teachers, are very helpful and if you tell them that you need extra help, I'm sure they can stay with you a little bit after school to help you understand the material better. I have always battle depression and it is especially important to take care of ourselves when we are depressed. So, make sure you at leat get your 8 hours of sleep each night, and excercise or do something fun for yourself to release stress. Also, it may be helpful, to ask some of your class mates if they want to form a study group and this way you can ask questions when you are studying and you don't study alone which will help you concentrate better so that you don't fall pray to your own inner thoughts. Good Luck, you sound like a bright kid, so don't give up. Things always get better. You might also, try to talk to your parents about how you have been feeling. Let them know that you just are sooo overwhelmed that you have fallen behind a little bit which has caused you to feel depressed and not do so well in school as before. Hope that this advice was helpful |
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Post by black star on Nov 27, 2004 16:29:30 GMT -5
I admit I'm starting to revel in my self-pity, that's why I'm checking out this forum. I suppose the best way to stop worrying is to get out and do something, spontaneously so you don't worry about it. Easier said than done though. PS Shane, you have good taste in music! My fave Smiths song is There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. Pure genius  And relevant to shy guys like ourselves ("And in the darkened underpass I thought oh God my chance has come at last, then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask"). Story of my life. |
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Post by cradith on Oct 29, 2006 16:44:07 GMT -5
I like to put on children's songs so that I can sing to my 4 month old son or I close the curtains and put on some 80's music that I can dance to, but have to do this when hubby is not home cause he saw me and started laughing at me. He says I'm stuck in the 80's but so what it gets me out of mt ruts.
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Post by alwaysalone on Oct 30, 2006 14:57:26 GMT -5
I like to put on children's songs so that I can sing to my 4 month old son or I close the curtains and put on some 80's music that I can dance to, but have to do this when hubby is not home cause he saw me and started laughing at me. He says I'm stuck in the 80's but so what it gets me out of mt ruts. I know what you mean, Cradith - I'm stuck in the 70s and 80s lol! ;D |
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Post by lavigne on Oct 31, 2006 14:32:44 GMT -5
hey!  I see nothing wrong being stuck on whatever decade. . . I think of myself being stuck on the 90's when I get older. But I won't be shy with that, I'd even be more confident. It would just mean that I have lived life fully during that time. I can even tell stories to people of younger generation which I could be proud of. We all have our own time so be confident with it. _______________________________ shyness Free Report reveals how to overcome shyness. Get it here: www-shyness.com/self confidence Free Report reveals how to develop self-confidence. Get it here: www-confidence.com/ |
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Ive just found this site and posted a question about singing on the general board!
And relevant to shy guys like ourselves ("And in the darkened underpass I thought oh God my chance has come at last, then a strange fear gripped me and I just couldn't ask").