Post by zaab on Apr 10, 2005 12:27:01 GMT -5
Yeah me too. It is only fairly recently that I started seeing myself in terms of being a control freak to a certain extent. I finally put things together when I tried to figure out why my anxiety about flying was so enduring. I can easily reason that riding my bike or driving my car are statistically way riskier, and especially the way I do each, but that never effected my stress when flying.
Then it hit me. When flying my survival depended on a lot of people doing their job right--engineers, mechanics, pilots, computer geeks, air traffic controllers, stewardesses....and the list goes on. That is just way too many people for me to trust at one time. Thus my sense of control over the situation deteriorates with each perceived variable.
I board the plane and there are certain things I do to try to wrest control of the situation. Unless you look at my fear through the lens of being a control freak this may sound odd, but I feel much better being by a window. I need to see everything that is happening as the plane is taking off and landing. If someone closes the shade it drives me nuts. I can't sleep because sleep feels like total loss of control for me. I can no longer monitor everything that goes on in the plane.
I study the wing for mechanical defects and try to determine that everything performs and sounds like it did the last time I flew. I scan the passengers to see if there are any potential nutcases on board. If I can see the ground I try to guess what part of the world I'm flying over and the progress the plane is making.
So yeah, you can just imagine how I might act around someone who I'm attracted to. Its not so much, anymore, that I avoid them completely. I've learned to get past that to a certain extent. Its just that I now have varying success with letting go and being relaxed in how I am. I find myself rehearsing things that I want to say to them over and over in my mind, really mundane simple things like "how was your weekend?" Things that don't need to be rehearsed. But its a strange strategy to try to wrest control over the situation. It makes as much sense as having a window seat and staying awake on the plane.
Well, at least, I hope, by going up to the person in full control freak mode I'm laying open the chance that something unexpected is going to happen and I'm going to have to deal with it in turn. And when I handle it, and when I do handle it, it'll lead to the idea that I CAN handle it and I won't feel like I have to control the situation as much. This has happened but not the extent as I would like. (And doesn't THIS sound like just the thing a control freak might say...hmmm.)
Then it hit me. When flying my survival depended on a lot of people doing their job right--engineers, mechanics, pilots, computer geeks, air traffic controllers, stewardesses....and the list goes on. That is just way too many people for me to trust at one time. Thus my sense of control over the situation deteriorates with each perceived variable.
I board the plane and there are certain things I do to try to wrest control of the situation. Unless you look at my fear through the lens of being a control freak this may sound odd, but I feel much better being by a window. I need to see everything that is happening as the plane is taking off and landing. If someone closes the shade it drives me nuts. I can't sleep because sleep feels like total loss of control for me. I can no longer monitor everything that goes on in the plane.
I study the wing for mechanical defects and try to determine that everything performs and sounds like it did the last time I flew. I scan the passengers to see if there are any potential nutcases on board. If I can see the ground I try to guess what part of the world I'm flying over and the progress the plane is making.
So yeah, you can just imagine how I might act around someone who I'm attracted to. Its not so much, anymore, that I avoid them completely. I've learned to get past that to a certain extent. Its just that I now have varying success with letting go and being relaxed in how I am. I find myself rehearsing things that I want to say to them over and over in my mind, really mundane simple things like "how was your weekend?" Things that don't need to be rehearsed. But its a strange strategy to try to wrest control over the situation. It makes as much sense as having a window seat and staying awake on the plane.
Well, at least, I hope, by going up to the person in full control freak mode I'm laying open the chance that something unexpected is going to happen and I'm going to have to deal with it in turn. And when I handle it, and when I do handle it, it'll lead to the idea that I CAN handle it and I won't feel like I have to control the situation as much. This has happened but not the extent as I would like. (And doesn't THIS sound like just the thing a control freak might say...hmmm.)