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Post by lily on Aug 28, 2005 3:50:32 GMT -5
This site has atrocious spelling in places but has alot of good info and links about avoidant behavior and avoidant personality disorder. www.pdjamboree.healthyplace2.com/custom4.html"Avoidants have difficulty evaluating others' reactions. They may misread a neutral or positive reaction as a negative one." "Even when faced with evidence, incontrovertible to others, that they are accepted or liked, avoidant patients discount it. They believe that they have deceived the other person, his or her judgment is faulty, or he or she has inadequate information with which to view them clearly." |
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Post by lily on Sept 19, 2005 4:57:42 GMT -5
Another good webpage of info on Avoidance. "To protect themselves from being rejected, they reject others first. This ís maladaptive because the avoidants will tend to reject many people who would never have rejected them ín the first place." open-mind.org/SP/Articles/1c.htm |
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Post by livinginashell on Aug 24, 2006 20:58:10 GMT -5
I agree with that quote... I always avoid the really social people (usually the loud-mouths) because I'm afraid if I talk to them, they'll reject me and make fun of me.
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Post by alwaysalone on Aug 25, 2006 17:44:07 GMT -5
I know what you mean.
I MAY talk to them if there is just ONE person, depending on my mood, self-esteem, depression, etc. If there's more than 1, I worry that one of them will tease or belittle me, and the other one will join in - kind of like bullying, etc.
When I'm really down, I don't want to talk to or face anyone.
Yes, I definitely agree with the quotes regarding avoidance. Kids started teasing me when I was 10, and that's when I started exhibiting this behaviour, though I didn't know at the time that there was a name for it.
I also have a tendency not to trust people. I used to be very trusting of people, but with people having used me and trashed me so much, I don't trust anyone now. So of course with me, the avoidance has gotten worse because of the above-mentioned things.
I also find that if anyone knows a person with whom I have had a negative relationship with or who has used or hurt me in some way, I worry that the person who used me will tell this person bad things about me, and that consequently the new person won't like me, though we haven't yet had a chance to get to know each other, etc. (I'm speaking of platonic relationships with me - just friendships). So I isolate myself even more for fear of this.
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Post by HybridMoment on Aug 25, 2006 22:05:34 GMT -5
I also find that if anyone knows a person with whom I have had a negative relationship with or who has used or hurt me in some way, I worry that the person who used me will tell this person bad things about me, and that consequently the new person won't like me, though we haven't yet had a chance to get to know each other, etc. (I'm speaking of platonic relationships with me - just friendships). So I isolate myself even more for fear of this. I worry about this too. Once I was in a grocery store and I started walking down an aisle. I saw two of my teachers from high school talking to each other, one I liked and the other I hated. I panicked and left the aisle so that neither one of them would see me, and then I left the store with out buying anything. It gets pretty hard avoiding people sometimes though. I go to other towns for shopping, and I still end up seeing people I know. My shyness isn't even as bad around complete strangers as it is around people I've known for awhile. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Aug 26, 2006 3:47:27 GMT -5
People who avoid people cause you think they are talking about you? Really isn't that a bit arrogant? What makes you so special to think that others are thinking and talking about you all the time?
They really aren't.
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Post by HybridMoment on Aug 26, 2006 16:09:27 GMT -5
Actually one of the reasons I get so paranoid about this is because people were talking about me and they didn't have anything good to say.
From time to time in class I would hear kids talking to each other about how I must be afraid of people because I never talk, how I probably buy my clothes at K-Mart because they looked so cheap, and one time I heard a girl telling a guy, that I didn't even know, that I liked him. When my own best friend deserted me in the 8th grade she went around complaining to people about how it was horrible to be friends with such a shy person and she was glad to ditch me because she could make real friends now. It was no wonder I never made another friend after that, she made sure no one would want anything to do with me. I guess that is my own fault for eavesdropping on people though.
Sometimes I'm not there to witness it, but the information gets back to me anyway. When my mom was substituting at the school I went to students and teachers would tell her that I was too quiet and ask her why. Of the two employees at work 2 were fired for telling the boss complete lies about me (and other employees). My boss also tells me the comments customers make about me being shy. Luckily she is a good person and defends me because I'm the hardest working one there.
It's not just me they talk about either, I hear people gossip about other shy people the same way. It seems the less you speak the more they make up rumors about you because you won't defend yourself.
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