Post by shyjen on Dec 15, 2005 16:33:08 GMT -5
Hello.
I am 42 and live in Illinois. I have always been shy, but had managed to pretty much overcome it for years. When I told people I was shy, they didn't believe me. Well, it's come back and it's making my life miserable.
I recently lost my farm, my business, my marriage and my home. I've had trouble finding a good job. I think all these things have smashed my self-confidence flat and that's what it bringing the shyness back on. I find myself walking around staring at the ground, running away from anyone who tries to talk to me, etc. I need to get my act back together because I got used to being able to talk to people and it sucks to lose that.
Today I came up with a list of things to do when someone approaches me to talk. First I have to STOP. Quit walking, stay in one place. Then take a deep breath and shut my mouth. One of my ways of avoiding people is to start nervously chattering until I get away. They never get a chance to say whatever it was they were going to say in the first place. So, Stop, breathe, shut-up...then listen to what they have to say, think about it, and respond. Sounds easy enough, if I can remember it all when my brain goes into panic mode.
I know I can beat this again. It's just a matter of walking through the fear. I did it before, but I never thought I'd be back to this place again. I feel like I will fall over and die, but I know that is irrational. Of course, knowing doesn't make me feel any better...the only way to feel better is to do it once, then it gets slightly easier, then do it again and again and again.
There is a man who talks to me at work. He started by just saying "Hi" for about a month. Then he'd sit by me at break and start conversations. I was ok with that, but then I realized I really like talking to him. That's when I lost it. I went from having really good conversations with him to either avoiding him or making what I call "cheap talk". I prattle on about nothing in order to avoid anything he has to say. Does that make sense? I need to apologize to him, explain my shyness and then maybe we can start over.
I've found that once people know where I am coming from (a place of terror), they feel better because it explains my irrational actions and I feel much more comfortable because I know, they know that I am not the lunatic I appear to be. It's like as soon as I "confess", the problem almost goes away by itself and we can continue like normal human beings. I still might be blushing, sweating, stuttering, but at least I'm there, participating.
I guess this is a pep talk for myself because I have been running this guy into the ground for over a week and I really don't want to do that. I want to talk to him badly and if I don't quit this nonsense, he's going to give up and I wouldn't blame him. Tonight (I work nights) is the night I will stand and deliver!
Thanks for listening.
I am 42 and live in Illinois. I have always been shy, but had managed to pretty much overcome it for years. When I told people I was shy, they didn't believe me. Well, it's come back and it's making my life miserable.
I recently lost my farm, my business, my marriage and my home. I've had trouble finding a good job. I think all these things have smashed my self-confidence flat and that's what it bringing the shyness back on. I find myself walking around staring at the ground, running away from anyone who tries to talk to me, etc. I need to get my act back together because I got used to being able to talk to people and it sucks to lose that.
Today I came up with a list of things to do when someone approaches me to talk. First I have to STOP. Quit walking, stay in one place. Then take a deep breath and shut my mouth. One of my ways of avoiding people is to start nervously chattering until I get away. They never get a chance to say whatever it was they were going to say in the first place. So, Stop, breathe, shut-up...then listen to what they have to say, think about it, and respond. Sounds easy enough, if I can remember it all when my brain goes into panic mode.
I know I can beat this again. It's just a matter of walking through the fear. I did it before, but I never thought I'd be back to this place again. I feel like I will fall over and die, but I know that is irrational. Of course, knowing doesn't make me feel any better...the only way to feel better is to do it once, then it gets slightly easier, then do it again and again and again.
There is a man who talks to me at work. He started by just saying "Hi" for about a month. Then he'd sit by me at break and start conversations. I was ok with that, but then I realized I really like talking to him. That's when I lost it. I went from having really good conversations with him to either avoiding him or making what I call "cheap talk". I prattle on about nothing in order to avoid anything he has to say. Does that make sense? I need to apologize to him, explain my shyness and then maybe we can start over.
I've found that once people know where I am coming from (a place of terror), they feel better because it explains my irrational actions and I feel much more comfortable because I know, they know that I am not the lunatic I appear to be. It's like as soon as I "confess", the problem almost goes away by itself and we can continue like normal human beings. I still might be blushing, sweating, stuttering, but at least I'm there, participating.
I guess this is a pep talk for myself because I have been running this guy into the ground for over a week and I really don't want to do that. I want to talk to him badly and if I don't quit this nonsense, he's going to give up and I wouldn't blame him. Tonight (I work nights) is the night I will stand and deliver!
Thanks for listening.