Post by destroyer on Aug 23, 2006 19:24:43 GMT -5
I feel I found a community with similar problems to me.
First of all, sorry about my language, I can't speak English so well yet!
I'm Tormi, 20 years old and from Estonia.
I am shy. I have been shy all the time.
And I few days ago I discovered for myself that the loneliness is key problem to all other problems that I have.
I have felt all the time that I'm missing something and I know that I am alone, but didn't pay so much attention on it. I used to accuse myself for being lazy, for bad learning at school, for being nervous and for other bad qualities and problems that I have. But now I realize that loneliness is the reason of everything.
No one is calling me, mailing me, they avoid talking to me at school. No young people in my village talk to me. No one is visiting me. I imagine if all this was vice versa I would be happy and successful.
I feel emptiness and that's why I'm just wasting time. I have no energy to do anything. It's most horrible on the holidays. And that's why I'm doing bad at school, and my work is progressing very slowly. I should have done 3-4 projects during this summer, but I'm still starting with the first. I feel terrible and depressed.
During the school time, I have bit more energy and my work was progressing faster. That's because there was at least somebody around me and I could just talk to somebody. But on holidays, I'm 3km away from the city and are home alone. There is no support by the parents either.
And soon, If I don't pass the final qualification test in math, I will be thrown out of high school. And for ME, I have nowhere else to go.
At least I have once experienced when somebody is nice to me. Few years ago there was an event and one girl called me to dance(first time in life girl ever calls me for dance and she was the first girl I could ever talk to like friend). And I got so much energy from that event. So I'm really missing for such kind of things. But it has never happened again. So I'm back in the zero-point again.
Everything would be different if have had any supporters, somebody who loved me, somebody to go out to parties, events.
I put here a quotation that is very close to me:
I don't know how to break out from this vicious circle.
This board is atleast place where I can finally share my problems, but hardly this talking solves anything and I still have to cope with everything ALONE! I NEED SOMEONE BESIDE ME!
First of all, sorry about my language, I can't speak English so well yet!
I'm Tormi, 20 years old and from Estonia.
I am shy. I have been shy all the time.
And I few days ago I discovered for myself that the loneliness is key problem to all other problems that I have.
I have felt all the time that I'm missing something and I know that I am alone, but didn't pay so much attention on it. I used to accuse myself for being lazy, for bad learning at school, for being nervous and for other bad qualities and problems that I have. But now I realize that loneliness is the reason of everything.
No one is calling me, mailing me, they avoid talking to me at school. No young people in my village talk to me. No one is visiting me. I imagine if all this was vice versa I would be happy and successful.
I feel emptiness and that's why I'm just wasting time. I have no energy to do anything. It's most horrible on the holidays. And that's why I'm doing bad at school, and my work is progressing very slowly. I should have done 3-4 projects during this summer, but I'm still starting with the first. I feel terrible and depressed.
During the school time, I have bit more energy and my work was progressing faster. That's because there was at least somebody around me and I could just talk to somebody. But on holidays, I'm 3km away from the city and are home alone. There is no support by the parents either.
And soon, If I don't pass the final qualification test in math, I will be thrown out of high school. And for ME, I have nowhere else to go.
At least I have once experienced when somebody is nice to me. Few years ago there was an event and one girl called me to dance(first time in life girl ever calls me for dance and she was the first girl I could ever talk to like friend). And I got so much energy from that event. So I'm really missing for such kind of things. But it has never happened again. So I'm back in the zero-point again.
Everything would be different if have had any supporters, somebody who loved me, somebody to go out to parties, events.
I put here a quotation that is very close to me:
"Loneliness is the worst pain in this world. It constantly eats away the person's heart, and can cause the person to hate, to feel enraged--the same rage and hate that can cause one person to kill another. It is like a wound of the heart; the type of wounds that cannot go away with a kiss or a hug. The only thing that can make this great pain go away is love and compassion, another human heart to pull them out of this hell."
I don't know how to break out from this vicious circle.
This board is atleast place where I can finally share my problems, but hardly this talking solves anything and I still have to cope with everything ALONE! I NEED SOMEONE BESIDE ME!