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Post by Bodhi on Mar 8, 2006 23:39:10 GMT -5
I'm starting to think they are a bad idea. Its too hard to develop deep feelings for someone who you see infrequently. It can be very expensive. Sooner or later one of the people will have to move and potentially disrupt their entire life. So its just better to date someone that lives near you that you can see all the time and that you can continue your life without the distractions of worrying when and how you will see them again. What are other peoples thoughts?
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Post by GreenFerret on Mar 8, 2006 23:49:37 GMT -5
Good idea? Hardly; it's more a case of doing what you have to do. If you happen to fall for someone who lives far away, then it's a "good idea" in the sense that it's better than missing an opportunity to be with someone who's right for you. Given the choice, seeing someone close by has many advantages.
There's no question, really... It all depends on the particular situation and people involved. Sometimes, it is very worth it.
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Post by Crashtastic on Mar 8, 2006 23:50:28 GMT -5
They're incredibly annoying and expensive, but I don't think its difficult to develop deep feelings for the other person. I guess it depends on the people too...I don't know. I think both parties have to want it enough...maybe. I don't like this topic  I personally would be willing to put in the work and angst...for the right person that is Oh yeah and no I don't think they're necessarily a good idea, certainly not something to look for lol |
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Post by zaab on Mar 9, 2006 0:04:09 GMT -5
As several people on SU will testify, they sometimes do work. But, if you're trying to get together with someone online and far away, its extremely difficult not only for the reasons you mention but because so much of what connects you to another person is missing if you only know them by their words. You're missing their scent, their tone of voice, the way they laugh, the way they walk, their smile, the intensity of their stare, the way they hold their fork, how they treat the waitstaff, how they sneeze...and its all these particulars that add up to what endears you to someone else. A great pen pal doesn't always equate to a great partner.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 9, 2006 0:05:44 GMT -5
As several people on SU will testify, they sometimes do work. But, if you're trying to get together with someone online and far away, its extremely difficult not only for the reasons you mention but because so much of what connects you to another person is missing if you only know them by their words. You're missing their scent, their tone of voice, the way they laugh, the way they walk, their smile, the intensity of their stare, the way they hold their fork, how they treat the waitstaff, how they sneeze...and its all these particulars that add up to what endears you to someone else. A great pen pal doesn't always equate to a great partner. Yep and those little things are some of the things you miss so badly when you are apart.  |
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Post by zaab on Mar 9, 2006 0:19:17 GMT -5
i wouldn't hesitate to have a long distance relationship with someone i've met in real life and already know i'm compatible with...if i'm really into him. my reason for feeling this way is that i rarely meet men i'm interested in. Yep. I think that's true for me too. But I learned the hard way that a good match on paper could be completely wrong in real life. And that I can be bowled over in real life by someone who might seem "wrong" for me if I read their profile. |
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Post by Crashtastic on Mar 9, 2006 0:23:04 GMT -5
You're missing their scent, their tone of voice, the way they laugh, the way they walk, their smile, the intensity of their stare, the way they hold their fork, how they treat the waitstaff, how they sneeze...and its all these particulars that add up to what endears you to someone else. You do need these things, but you can get their smile, tone of voice, and laugh. Good old technology provides these few things to hold you over. Alone they aren't enough though, not for me at least. I really really don't like this topic lol....yet I participate! |
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Post by zaab on Mar 9, 2006 0:29:36 GMT -5
You're missing their scent, their tone of voice, the way they laugh, the way they walk, their smile, the intensity of their stare, the way they hold their fork, how they treat the waitstaff, how they sneeze...and its all these particulars that add up to what endears you to someone else. You do need these things, but you can get their smile, tone of voice, and laugh, good old technology provides these few things to hold you over. Alone they aren't enough though, not for me at least. Yeah, but I think, for me at least, its a vital enough part of the equation to make me very skeptical of starting anything online. Technology helps, but if you're beginning a relationship its still a big barrier. |
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Post by Crashtastic on Mar 9, 2006 0:31:51 GMT -5
You do need these things, but you can get their smile, tone of voice, and laugh, good old technology provides these few things to hold you over. Alone they aren't enough though, not for me at least. Yeah, but I think, for me at least, its a vital enough part of the equation to make me very skeptical of starting anything online. Technology helps, but if you're beginning a relationship its still a big barrier. Absolutely....kids, avoid long distance relationships lol |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 9, 2006 0:43:27 GMT -5
Glad many of the LDers are weighing in here about this. I probaby have the longest of the distancy here. 11k + miles Lucky me! It is very expensive and very difficult to maintain a ldr for any length of time. I have read up on it other places and it seems many people just can't hack it. They need to have the person close enough for the relationship to progress. There has to be an amazing amount of trust and commitment to keep things going. It takes a lot of effort from both people to make the other person feel important and cared for when you cant be there in person. I have said this before that really I didn't know what I was getting myself into when we first started this. It was probably a big chance and risk to fly over there to meet. From what I hear many times people just don't hit it off as the online persona and the real person is different. Good for us we did hit it off. I really wish it was only a few hours distance or that we were even in the same country! Even when I was there this time, he still had to travel an hour or so by bus/train to see me and it probably wasn't easy but he did it cause he loves me and I keep going back cause I love him. Another thing with the ldr, is that there must be an ending point to it. Someone has to move as you can't keep up a ldr indefinitely as it is just too expensive and disruptive to continue indefinitely. So the people have to decide where things are going in the relationship and who is going to move. Both parties have to want it bad enough. So ld isn't for casual dating. lol I sound sorta negative here but it has only been a week since I have been back here and I am still feeling the pain from being away. Right now I do worry when and how we will see each other again even though we have plans in the works. Then there is additional things if you hook up with someone from another country. How will you adjust to a different culture? How will you get there and be able to stay there? It ain't easy. And all the tangible things that you get to have in real life is so hard when you are apart. The sound of his voice, the touch of his hair, the way he smiles, waking up and looking over and seeing him there sleeping, the fun we have, how he manages to find my fav icy poles and brings them to me and I never can find them in the store, etc. Ok I gotta stop or I wont ever stop crying. Has it been worth it? Yes. I would have missed out on a lot if I hadn't done this. Would I do it again? With him; yes. anyone else; no. |
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Post by shytothebone on Mar 9, 2006 1:19:47 GMT -5
I voted no but I think it depends if you met that person before and they have gone away compared to meeting someone online and having a relationship with someone you barely know. If you love someone no amount of distance is going to keep you from loving them, but I believe you have to have met that person already and spent a great deal of time with them.
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Post by Tal on Mar 9, 2006 5:30:40 GMT -5
They're a good idea if you don't have problems travelling and can afford to do so. I don't think relying on the local community is always that great, especially if you're looking for specific types of people to get into relationships with.
On the other hand, the first long distance one I had failed and it did mean I spent a lot of time at the computer. Whether I'd have made better use of the time socialising offline etc I dunno, but it was nice to at least have one person in the whole world to talk to while it lasted. Something's better than nothing, IMO.
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Post by Samantha on Mar 9, 2006 9:31:06 GMT -5
I'm starting to think they are a bad idea. Its too hard to develop deep feelings for someone who you see infrequently. It can be very expensive. Sooner or later one of the people will have to move and potentially disrupt their entire life. So its just better to date someone that lives near you that you can see all the time and that you can continue your life without the distractions of worrying when and how you will see them again. What are other peoples thoughts? I'm starting to think they are a good idea. Life is hard anyway. I'd rather spend money on having a relationship than lumps of plastic. Maybe if things go well they can get together and enrich their lives. So it's better to date someone you really care about than someone who is close and that you can continue your life with the distractions of someone special. These are my thoughts. There's no question, really... It all depends on the particular situation and people involved. Yup just like any relationship. Long, short, wide, real, imaginary, incestuous etc. |
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Post by shypsychologyguy on Mar 9, 2006 17:45:20 GMT -5
my best freind did a long distance relationship and she has moved in with him. they both are poor and work all the times. i expect it not to last especially since they cohabitate. when they do get married which seems like not anytime soon they will be at an increased risk of divorce.
I could never do long distance because its not safe emotionally or physically and you really do not know the person or what they are like from online. even locally you have to be careful with online relationships.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 9, 2006 18:03:45 GMT -5
I could never do long distance because its not safe emotionally or physically and you really do not know the person or what they are like from online. even locally you have to be careful with online relationships. Why couldn't you meet them and get to know them? Not safe? What do you mean? |
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