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Post by MrNice on Jul 10, 2006 23:42:38 GMT -5
perhaps you turn those negative feelings inwards onto yourself as opposed to those assholes that take it out on others
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jul 11, 2006 3:55:38 GMT -5
Don't think of it that way. In fact, don't think of it at all. It just should be one of those things that your parents burnt into your brain when you were young. Like when someone says 'thank you' you say 'you're welcome'. Its just what you do, no hidden meaning. All joking aside, that is how I look at it. I have very good manners as my parents did burn it into my brain. I just do it. I'm out and I say please and thank you and yes sir, and so on. I'm mostly a big slob but if I was at some fancy formal dinner, I would know which fork to use. I open the door or hold the door for anyone male or female. It has not been a detriment to me having good manners.
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Post by Paulinus on Jul 11, 2006 4:46:29 GMT -5
its easy for people to be civil if they are happy with themselves if they are not they can force themselves to be civil, I can't say that I'm necessarily happy with myself, but I certainly don't have to force myself to be civil. I know what its like to be treated like crap and know what its like to be treated not so crap, as I'm sure most people do. Knowing what crap feels like, I wouldn't want to inflict it upon someone else. yeah I feel the same way. I'd only be crappy to someone if they truely earned it lol I've always tried to be civil with people no matter who they are and have never expected anything in return for it. And most of it like for example holding a door open for the person behind me is just automatic I do it without thinking.
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Post by Samantha on Jul 11, 2006 7:55:38 GMT -5
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Post by Stranger on Jul 11, 2006 10:47:30 GMT -5
I think the value of good manners is something that should be taught rather than the act itself. Courtesy is something that should be done because it makes someone else feel good not because you want to be a good person. Its where your intentions lie that matters. You get something out of knowing that you made someone else's day a little easier no matter how small that may be. If one person is taught that kindness pays off then they may teach someone else until we're all holding hands across the land! My point is in there somewhere. Well, it's got me thinking... ;D I've developed rather instinctive responses in certain situations, particularly over the phone with strangers. For example, I usually ask "how are you?" with a greeting, and if someone asks how I'm going, I usually echo the question back. Problem is, it's become such a meaningless response, I've had a couple of incidents like this: Me: Hi, it's <X>, how're you going? Them: Hi! Good thanks, how are you? Me: Not too bad, yourself?
(awkward pause)
Me: Uhh, anyway, ... It occurs to me at times like this that perhaps I ought to drop the whole charade. I mean, if I'm honest about it, I don't really care that much how they are. Okay, if they're dying it's terrible, but whether or not they have the sniffles today isn't exactly something that plays on my conscience. So why do I do it? "Courtesy." But it's just customary, really. In fact, it may even be something I developed subconsciously to calm the SA a bit. Should I care more about other people's nasal congestions? Do you get anything out of it when strangers ask you how you are? I don't think I do, but then, I do suck.
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Post by Paulinus on Jul 11, 2006 11:08:18 GMT -5
Me: Hi, it's <X>, how're you going? Them: Hi! Good thanks, how are you? Me: Not too bad, yourself?
(awkward pause)
Me: Uhh, anyway, ... hahaha Thats my typical msn convo right there
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Post by wagnerr on Jul 11, 2006 21:58:23 GMT -5
Wow!! This thread has turned into a Man vs. Woman competition very quickly!!!! I must say, i am shocked. Being a native Texan myself, i can say with certainty that chivalry is not dead. We Southerners are masters at the art of opening doors for women of all ages, and now all ethnicities, and walking them to their cars at night time. Chivalrous behavior is all about recognizing a woman for her femininity, and she in return is expected to acknowledge his masculinity. For example: A True Story. Man approaches woman carrying one year old child in left arm and sack of groceries in downtown Houston, nearing an intersection filled with crazy pick up drivers. Man approaches woman, and says, "Excuse Ma'am. Might i offer you a hand?" He then reaches out for her sack of groceries, then braves crossing the intersection first in order to protect woman and her child. He then walks with her down the street to her destination, the coffee shop. Woman then invites him to stay for a Cup of Coffee, which Man also pays for out of courtesy and graciousness. See, not only is the Man being courteous to Woman and Child, showing concern and respect for both, he also waits to be invited by Woman for coffee, but instinctively also escorts Woman to her destination. This is chivalry at its best. And yes, the Man in story was indeed yours truly, who acted out of kindness and concern for Woman and Youn Child. Nothing was gained by the Man in this, or any other, chivalrous ventures. The ability to act with courtesy and kindness is a reward in itself.
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Post by shyaussiegal on Jul 11, 2006 22:19:35 GMT -5
Darn... I need to rope me a texan! hehe
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Post by MrNice on Jul 11, 2006 22:37:19 GMT -5
so is there nothing gained or is there a reward? it can't be both
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Post by MrNice on Jul 11, 2006 22:39:17 GMT -5
try the prez he can use some roping
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Post by wagnerr on Jul 11, 2006 22:41:52 GMT -5
so is there nothing gained or is there a reward? it can't be both Man, you missed the whole point of my experience. Perhaps if you had been the Man that day you would have felt as good as i did that day. I guess the action, in this case, was the reward.
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Post by wagnerr on Jul 11, 2006 22:44:10 GMT -5
try the prez he can use some roping I believe he's happily married already. Of course, you could always prey on Bill Clinton. I'm sure he'd oblige you, or try to rope you given a chance. However, i'm not sure why any woman would care to touch him in the first place.
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Post by MrNice on Jul 11, 2006 22:48:19 GMT -5
I don't think I missed the point of your experience you felt good and you did something nice and that felt good as well
the point I am making is that when you start out feeling good and do something from your heart is one thing but when you teach someone that they should do something and then they will be rewarded, thats different
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Post by wagnerr on Jul 11, 2006 22:56:50 GMT -5
I don't think I missed the point of your experience you felt good and you did something nice the point I am making is that when you start out feeling good and do something from your heart is one thing but when you teach someone that they should do something and then they will be rewarded, thats different So? It's part of our culture down here. I think it's a positive and generous tradition, one that should perservere and continue. What's wrong with that? Let's keep the good, and throw out the bad. Besides, chivalry teaches people to mutual respect, as well as recognition of each others' strengths.
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Post by Richard Cunningham on Jul 12, 2006 2:24:03 GMT -5
I am also quite aware that I have two hands and can manage to open a door.. but they're a bit busy making your dinner, cleaning your toilet seat, grabbing your... ok I'll stop there - you get it i am sure. You didn't make me dinner last night. You didn't scrub my crapper. I did that. Yes, m'lady, and perhaps m'lady would enjoy spagetti and meatballs prepared from my own flesh, then perhaps m'lady would be so kind as to allow me to empty my wallet for her so m'lady can buy herself a big screen tv that she can place in the pooper room so she can watch Oprah while taking a crap. Gratitudes great. That'll pay the bills. What the hell is gratitude? That's just a word. Nobody lifts a finger to help me when in need, so why should I continue to help them? Drunks keep approaching me asking for money and making up bs excuses to why they need the money. Get your own money you bum and open your own damn door you slacker. Whoa.. too right, such anger! Have you had a few bitter past experiences? News flash - not all women are money hungry cougars who are arrogant up-themselves princesses. And yes, SOME people appreciate thoughtful, kind gestures. You know how you'll notice if we do?? We'll treat you with the same respect in return. Funny that isn't it? You get in return, what you give in life.[/quote] Yup. That's what I said. People treat me like something they scraped off their shoe so I prefer not to help them. I don't treat them anywhere near as bad as they treat me and I do hand over change to complete strangers if they ask (mainly so they will leave me alone and not hurt me). Yes. Everyone should be treated equally.
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