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Post by Sweet Pea on May 19, 2008 9:28:54 GMT -5
Why is it so hard to be vulnerable? To tell someone, I miss you or I love you? Or how you feel? These are good things aren't they? I mean, it would be good to say them. Yet it is so hard... as far as i know, the only reason for it to be so hard is fear...fear of pain, fear of rejection, fear of being hurt. but ironically, the only way to experience the joy of love is to allow oneself to be vulnerable. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 19, 2008 10:14:53 GMT -5
So...I need to accept that I could be hurt in order to experience love. That is a tough one to swallow. maybe it will help to remember that the other person has to take the same risk.  |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 19, 2008 14:49:05 GMT -5
I don't have issues with being vulnerable and never have done - even around people I don't know very well (yes, i'm weird  ). I think most decent people have respect for those who can express a 'vulnerable' part of themselves. You must know a really beautiful song, poem, piece of art (or whatever it is you're into)... that somebody has showed real vulnerability in creating... how does it make you feel? Personally, I feel very touched by the lyrics/words/images and have complete admiration for the artist. It's such a beautiful thing when someone shows raw emotion.  To be vulnerable is to be human. Everybody is vulnerable, though some have a great way of hiding it. If you're never going to be vulnerable, take risks and explore your emotions, you may as well not be human. With regards to a relationship, I agree that it is fear that prevents people from opening up. How to get over this fear? You've got to face it. You need to be vulnerable before you can gain strength. Some people think that by never opening up they are safe from ever being hurt... while it's true that they might not have others people hurt them, by depriving themselves of love (which we all need) they're actually hurting themselves.  Anyhow, it's a tough thing to accept but you need to show some vulnerability before you can gain anything. Love will never come to you if you're closed. |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on May 19, 2008 17:45:38 GMT -5
That's true. If you never open up to the ones you love, you are depriving yourself of love and giving love to someone else.
By denying that to others, you are hurting them and ruining the relationship so in the end you are getting what you don't want.
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 20, 2008 16:42:16 GMT -5
My ex-bf contacted me after all this time and told me he missed me. I told him I missed him too. But while I still care for him, I also know I don't want to get hurt again. well, this is a little bit different than it sounded at first. when you have actually already had a relationship in real life with a real person (i feel i need to qualify all that cuz i've discovered alot of people turn out to be talking about a purely online relationship with someone they've never met), and it didn't turn out well...you may have a valid reason for being somewhat guarded. (but then, i don't know the details.) i do know if one of my ex-husbands tried to start up with me again they'd definitely be out of luck. been there, done that, not interested in a repeat. forgiveness is great and all, but then so is good common sense. |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 20, 2008 17:26:49 GMT -5
Are you saying you're considering getting back with your ex? Is that what you'd like advice on, lsb?
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 20, 2008 18:37:05 GMT -5
...And I guess I can't trust him... Has he given you reason not to trust him? Feeling crap lonely is tough. I know what it's like - I haven't had regular friends for a while, never had a boyfriend as such (nothing official, anyway). Loneliness has to be one of the toughest things that I, like many other people on SU, am dealing with right now. But in spite of how hard it is, if this guy didn't treat you right - you are better off without him. |
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Post by rudy on May 20, 2008 19:05:08 GMT -5
that stuff just drains me, like "hi, how are you?" or "how is it going?". on the flip side of that, i can't respond at all or that well to "hi how are you" or something. its to ackward.
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 20, 2008 19:12:25 GMT -5
that stuff just drains me, like "hi, how are you?" or "how is it going?". on the flip side of that, i can't respond at all or that well to "hi how are you" or something. its to ackward. just run your hands up and down your body, and say 'i appear to be intact'. ;D |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 20, 2008 19:39:19 GMT -5
that stuff just drains me, like "hi, how are you?" or "how is it going?". on the flip side of that, i can't respond at all or that well to "hi how are you" or something. its to ackward. Drink some gin. I'm sure you'll be quite a conversationalist then. ;D Alright, in all seriousness, I know how you feel. Some people can make me nervous just by asking how I am. I usually respond by blushing and mumbling a "Fine, and you?". Suppose you've just got to practice - it's so hard though. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 20, 2008 20:20:28 GMT -5
I am really sensitive and he was doing things like he had a best friend who was a girl and he slept in the same bed as her. And I know it bothered me and I just couldn't let it go. And to be honest I think it still would bother me....he just was so close to her, talking to her everyday and saw her alot. It got to me. And. It was one of the major things why I ended it. I guess at times I felt smothered too. But now I feel empty. I wish I could have came to a compromise but I didn't. And I don't know if I really could have. If I knew it would have been this hard I know I would have done things differently. But I didn't know. Yet, a part of me wants to talk to him. Which is craziness and I would like to meet someone else. Maybe I can just talk to him. I dunno. Is that wrong? yeah, go ahead and talk to him...so he can suck you into his little world. soon you'll be in bed with the both of them. if you're okay with that, then go for it.  |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 20, 2008 20:31:18 GMT -5
He sounds incredibly manipulative, and you did the right thing to break it off. You must resist temptation - talking to him while you're so fragile might lead you to agree to getting back with him.. something you may regret later.
Clearly he had no respect for you if he slept in a bed with another girl. You deserve better and you want better.. I mean, you said yourself you would like to meet someone else.
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 20, 2008 20:32:08 GMT -5
Anyways, of course now he is telling me how he is gonna change his life around  Of course! Of course now he is....UGH! A leopard can never change its spots. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 20, 2008 20:36:15 GMT -5
well. i know its over. and i dont hold any false hopes. well at least this may be the "closure" i needed. i think this just is a hard thing. its the first time i lost someone in this way. talking to him in some way helps because i feel better knowing we dont hate each other and that at least it wasnt a complete horrid thing. we probably wont ever be great friends just cause, thats kinda tough. but i suppose this was a learning experience. Thank you sweet pea. I kept that part in for a long time because he acted as if I was wrong for thinking that was messed up. But I see how it is. I shouldnt have spent so much time worrying about this. But. I have a hard time making such final decisions like that. I am embarrassed about it all. But. I just wanted thing to work out. Anyways, of course now he is telling me how he is gonna change his life around Of course! Of course now he is....UGH! Anyways...bullcrap....time to move on carly.... there are polyamorous people who would be perfectly okay with such a scenario. but i'm not gettin the feeling you're one of them. and that's the thing with the whole good self-esteem idea...you accept and act on your own wants and needs, trust your own instincts. |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 21, 2008 9:03:40 GMT -5
Your welcome.
Just be strong, alright? This guy doesn't sound like he's worth the hassle.
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