Post by Sweet Pea on May 31, 2008 9:53:46 GMT -5
lsb, you live in a society in which most people have sex before marriage, so you're in for a hard road if you plan to wait for 'committment'. i don't recommend people do one thing or another in this area, because it really does have to be an individual choice. but in my experience, it doesn't mean someone does not/will not care for you because they want sex...so i just wanted to throw that thought into the discussion. people just want sex like they want food, water, shelter. it's a human need. it's not dirty, nasty, horrible or anything else bad that people want sex...it's just a fact of life...healthy, normally functioning people do want sex. i've always felt that you could not be really sure you're compatible with someone before you've had sex. i wouldn't dream of marrying somebody without knowing whether we are compatible in that department. on the other hand, having someone lie to me and tell me they love me when they actually just want sex is a big turnoff also.
i guess everyone has to find their way in life as best they can. but when you have social anxiety it can be even more difficult to sort through all these issues. when you have SA usually you have fewer opportunities to connect with someone at all (unless you're devastatingly attractive or wealthy), and paranoia about the motives of others complicates things. it doesn't help if you think of sex as something that someone is trying to take from you or trick you out of, because it's hard enough to get close to someone when you have so much inner resistance already.
many shy people have issues of shame or disgust around sex, which is one of the reasons i encourage people here to explore their sexuality and accept it as a healthy part of their human nature. good sex is something that both parties benefit from, unless they have a mindset that it is a bartering tool in a contract negotiation. we live in a society in which historically, that is how it was viewed. to this day many people are influenced by that way of thinking about sex.
it is true that there are cruel and uncaring people in the world, but everybody who wants sex without promising their entire life away is not cruel or indifferent. there have been plenty of women through the ages that bartered their sexuality away in exclusive contractural arrangements and lived to regret it. it can be a pretty miserable thing to be trapped in a monogamous relationship in which your sexual needs are not being met. it's bad enough being alone and horny...try sleeping next to someone every night who is indifferent to your sexual needs and you will truly know the meaning of the word 'frustrated'.
i guess everyone has to find their way in life as best they can. but when you have social anxiety it can be even more difficult to sort through all these issues. when you have SA usually you have fewer opportunities to connect with someone at all (unless you're devastatingly attractive or wealthy), and paranoia about the motives of others complicates things. it doesn't help if you think of sex as something that someone is trying to take from you or trick you out of, because it's hard enough to get close to someone when you have so much inner resistance already.
many shy people have issues of shame or disgust around sex, which is one of the reasons i encourage people here to explore their sexuality and accept it as a healthy part of their human nature. good sex is something that both parties benefit from, unless they have a mindset that it is a bartering tool in a contract negotiation. we live in a society in which historically, that is how it was viewed. to this day many people are influenced by that way of thinking about sex.
it is true that there are cruel and uncaring people in the world, but everybody who wants sex without promising their entire life away is not cruel or indifferent. there have been plenty of women through the ages that bartered their sexuality away in exclusive contractural arrangements and lived to regret it. it can be a pretty miserable thing to be trapped in a monogamous relationship in which your sexual needs are not being met. it's bad enough being alone and horny...try sleeping next to someone every night who is indifferent to your sexual needs and you will truly know the meaning of the word 'frustrated'.
