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Post by madiocre on May 26, 2008 3:56:22 GMT -5
So anyway just feeling a bit confused right now .
I have recently (a week ago ) broken up with my boyfriend because he has gone to a summer camp in the usa . It was somthing i knew from the begining (7and a half months ago ) iand i stupidly decided to go out with him anyway . we had decided about half way through that we would split up instead of doing the long distance relationship . The whole travel thing had been to him a coming of age thing of him up against the world and to do that he wanted to be single for the mentality .
I meanwhile developed love much to my own denial . He didnt he was honest with me about that l.through out he was so honest both a blessing and a curse . I didnt even tell him until 2 weeks b4 he left anyway .
and now he is gone im trying to get over him we had had a minimal contact but i told him last night i dont want to be in contact online i have rollercoaster sickness ( basically you know how you get off the roller coaster and you feel like you are still on it .) he was like What? at first but then he soon understood . another practical yet annoying feature was his understandingness .
but i miss him why should i cut myself of and just keep to mail did i do the wrong thing?
and then theres the whole thing of when he comes back in 3 months should i stay just friends with him ?
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Post by Sweet Pea on May 26, 2008 12:40:44 GMT -5
So anyway just feeling a bit confused right now . I have recently (a week ago ) broken up with my boyfriend because he has gone to a summer camp in the usa . It was somthing i knew from the begining (7and a half months ago ) iand i stupidly decided to go out with him anyway . we had decided about half way through that we would split up instead of doing the long distance relationship . The whole travel thing had been to him a coming of age thing of him up against the world and to do that he wanted to be single for the mentality . I meanwhile developed love much to my own denial . He didnt he was honest with me about that l.through out he was so honest both a blessing and a curse . I didnt even tell him until 2 weeks b4 he left anyway . and now he is gone im trying to get over him we had had a minimal contact but i told him last night i dont want to be in contact online i have rollercoaster sickness ( basically you know how you get off the roller coaster and you feel like you are still on it .) he was like What? at first but then he soon understood . another practical yet annoying feature was his understandingness . but i miss him why should i cut myself of and just keep to mail did i do the wrong thing? and then theres the whole thing of when he comes back in 3 months should i stay just friends with him ? i think you're the only one who can answer that question. |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on May 26, 2008 12:42:10 GMT -5
No, don't stay friends with him.
You'll be very tempted to get back into the mentality that you love him, and clearly that's not appropriate (because I get the idea neither of you are prepared for a long-distance relationship).
See this for what it was - a brief romance - and move forward.
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Post by madiocre on Jun 16, 2008 19:55:18 GMT -5
yeah i think the best thing now is just to move on and stop over thinking it all.
We havn't been in contact in a while which i think helps .
It's just frustrating because my mind just seems to go back to him alot just about random memories and then i feel like in a way i havnt moved on and get guilty about it .
i think its a lot to do with the fact that i have spent the last month in work placement and because of the work load have had even less of a social life .
but thank you both foe the advice .
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Jun 16, 2008 23:26:43 GMT -5
It seems like meeting other guys would be the best cure.
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Post by madiocre on Jun 20, 2008 6:09:41 GMT -5
lol yes i certaintly do
i find it difficult to do though .
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Post by madiocre on Jul 10, 2008 23:28:03 GMT -5
i spoke to him today first time in a while .
turns out he's been offered a job in melbourne (im in sydney) so i guess the whole what will happen has been taken care of there .
This must sound like im an ultra bitch but i was kinda looking forward to telling him i didnt want to continue on when he returned . i think he has a lot of misconceptions about his self i wanted to get straight and i was looking forward to being the strong one with upper hand even though i know he would probaly react without care .
The thing though was our conversation .When he told me he had bee offered a job in melbourne i was like o yeah that sounds cool . he was like yeah im still considering it . and we went on discussing it and i justkept a calm sorta reaction and i think that bothered him towards the end he said "well yeah i think ill take it then" and i think it bothered him that i was cool with it that i didn't react . i m probably reading into it too much but just the way he changed direction sorta out of nowhere and from previous experience with him . i know when he was about to go to the usa it upset him that some of his friends were indifferent and when i said well i know ill miss you and it upsets me he replied "yeah i would be very upset if it didn't. "
o well i guess whatever he feels isnt really my concern is it ?
it just bothers me though like how can he be upset at that he has no right really its disturbing that he needs the negative reaction to feel better about himself . but in many ways i think im a little like that like i have to see the guy with a bit of a jealous streak or upset if he's without me for ages or something o dunno its so ...............messy .
if only i had a social life so i could go out and put more other guys in my head lol.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 10, 2008 23:33:01 GMT -5
maybe he was testing you to see if you 'really care'. i hate it when people play games like that. all it does is piss me off.  |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Jul 11, 2008 5:45:50 GMT -5
I think he was trying to see if you still cared.
If you still care for him, just tell him.
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Post by madiocre on Jul 11, 2008 6:55:04 GMT -5
that makes sense. My friend who sorta set us up together happened to catch him online b4 this and he had asked her if i had moved on . I don't think it's a lie though but i know he's always making plans to live here and there .
im not sure really . i was unsure how i felt so i just went with the be cool and supportive role . and if i did really care i wouldn't know how to go about telling him anyway . The thought is very scary . and if I do care I think i should be moving away from that feeling , trying to get over it .
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Post by madiocre on Jul 12, 2008 6:45:32 GMT -5
Ok so trying to put together an email cos i dont want him to rush ahead and decide to go because he thinks i dont care . but trying to keep it "friend like " i have taken the ask questions cos you r interested approach is that gonna work ? like i asked if he was going to come to sydney b4 moving down there because it would be nice to see him . is that enough ?
i dunno i just am very wary of telling him anything emotion based i think cos of the whole declaring love to him and him not feeling that then forgeting i even told him incident that happened in the past .
I do care but what does it matter anyway we r only gonna be friends anyway .
That it is Melbourne also brings a little bit of negative thoughts to me . b4 he met me there was a girl he was very close and into but she moved there b4 they got any closer and he has stayed friends with her (something he in fact had to clarify to her when we got together ).I always had that sick feeling he was with me to get over her and if he goes to Melbourne tand ends up with her that is just gonna make it true that i was just a rebound .
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Post by madiocre on Jul 22, 2008 1:34:25 GMT -5
O.k so i sent the email and he replied . he kinda skipped over the question i p[ut to him about whether he had been annoyed at me or what but thats ok he opened up that yeah he has just felt weird about communications togethere Im happy with the way it is now with us .
lol but now i have a few little other things in the whole single scene .But im happy this way with my new "issues" i feel like i have more to think about and im not concentrating on him .
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jul 22, 2008 5:15:29 GMT -5
O.k so i sent the email and he replied . he kinda skipped over the question i p[ut to him about whether he had been annoyed at me or what but thats ok he opened up that yeah he has just felt weird about communications togethere Im happy with the way it is now with us . lol but now i have a few little other things in the whole single scene .But im happy this way with my new "issues" i feel like i have more to think about and im not concentrating on him . You seem to be quite content with how things have turned out. Good for you... and good luck with finding a new man. |
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Post by madiocre on Jul 30, 2008 3:05:38 GMT -5
i am overall still a little hung up but getting better .
Except today i noticed on his facebook that he actually added an old picture of him and that girl, i mentioned b4, from when she visited sydney ages ago. i feel hurt by it i know i have no right but it still makes me feel sick .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 30, 2008 8:44:07 GMT -5
i am overall still a little hung up but getting better . Except today i noticed on his facebook that he actually added an old picture of him and that girl, i mentioned b4, from when she visited sydney ages ago. i feel hurt by it i know i have no right but it still makes me feel sick . well, i guess that should put all your agonizing over him in perspective. this is why we should never do that...agonize i mean. |
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