My Life. If you can call it that.

[halflife2008]

I am 26 years old and I have done nothing with my life. From the age of 10 years old I have been shy and introvert. I have had friends up to about 15 years old but you could call them the loser group. We would play football at lunchtimes at school and not discuss the important issues like girls or other things. I have always been immature for my age and am still shy even now. I missed out on my teenage years altogether because I was still acting like a child. I have hardly spoke to anyone for 15 years because of self loathing and shyness. I have occupied my time using computers, going out on my own and work. I thought I could replace interaction with people with artifcial things like TV. I have no personality because I don't speak to people. Fear has held me back from speaking to people and I haven't bothered to learn about important things in life. I know nothing about anything important in life and cannot have a conversation even with my parents. I thought for years that other things could preoccupy my mind and I didn't need to interact with others. I am the ultimate loner. I am quite intelligent but I only know about things that are of no use to me in everyday life. I recently have thought about ending my life because there is no way I can talk to anyone again. At the age of 26 I have realised how important it is to talk to people, to gain experience on life but I have not done this. I eat, sleep go to work and watch TV, use my computer. If I do things it is on my own. If you do things on your own 24/7 they are not as enjoyable as you can imagine. I recently went swimming on my own which was good but what next? I have little confidence in my self but know I am a good person. If you only have yourself for company, you can get bored of that person. I spend time with others but have little to say to them because I have no real personality. I know I might have another 26 years or more left on earth and I'm not sure I can take it. I have an inbuilt ability to carry on with life but I mean what kind of life is it? You can't turn the clock back but I wish at the age of 12 years old I had tried harder to fit in and learn. My world is constantly surrounded by chatting voices but I know I cannot join in. This is my life so far. I know I cannot change what has gone in the past but I don't want to look to the future either. I take one day at a time and I hope one day to accept what I am and just get on with it. I needed to put this in writing and for some reason chose this forum. I am a good, nice person but nice guys finish last. I hope my life can be a lesson to anyone that is shy and quiet - don't wake up in your mid twenties and wonder what you did with you life. Grab life with both hands.

[Naptaq]

Grab life with both hands is an advice we all need to remind ourselfs.

I think it's great that you do your best to live in the present moment, because, after all, the past is gone and over with.

You can't really blame yourself too much because if you could do it any other way when you were 12 you obviously would have. I think it's fair to say that what you did, or didn't do, at the time seemed like the best avalible option. Obviously you would not make that choise now, because you are a different person now. Perhaps all you need is a decent regret and then move on.

When a person says "I can't do - so and so-" it usually means "I won't do - so and so - because - justifications, excuses-." Then when a person boils over and gets to a breaking point, then, it seems to me, one would be presented with two options: Take action or die, by either passive or active suicide.

[strawberrysweetie]

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I have had friends up to about 15 years old but you could call them the loser group. We would play football at lunchtimes at school and not discuss the important issues like girls or other things.

Hey, you still had friends. Popularity is stupid anyway. I didn't make a group of friends until last year, which fell apart by the end of last school year.

And, what boys DO talk about "important things"? Most boys seem immature throughout high school and some never 'grow up'.

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I have occupied my time using computers, going out on my own and work.

If you don't mind my asking, where is it you work? Do you have any interaction with people at work? It is great that you've at least been able to go out on your own and get a job. Some people have a really hard time getting to that point.

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I have no personality because I don't speak to people. Fear has held me back from speaking to people and I haven't bothered to learn about important things in life. I know nothing about anything important in life and cannot have a conversation even with my parents.

First off, I've always thought it was very sad to hear people use the term "no personality," especially to describe themselves. (and I'm sure I've even used that term to describe myself.) But, I just don't think there is such a thing as having "no personality." Everyone has a personality. One does not have to be an outgoing, gregarious person to have a personality. Perhaps you have not been able to fully develop yours, if that's what you feel, but you have personality whether others see it or not....everyone does.

Secondly, what are these "important things in life" that you speak of? Do you feel you cannot speak to people because you don't know these "important things" that everyone apparently seems to know? I've noticed that deep, thoughtful conversations are actually hard to come by. I've always felt that most people just like to talk about insignificant, everyday happenings...

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I am quite intelligent but I only know about things that are of no use to me in everyday life.

If this is how you feel....you do have to power to change this!

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I recently have thought about ending my life because there is no way I can talk to anyone again.

I hope you can see that there is no absolute truth in this statement. Just because you feel this way and think this negatively right now, it does not mean your thoughts are true! To say you can absolutely never talk to anyone ever again is just a belief you currently have about yourself....but you can change this.

I don't mean to preach, but have you ever thought about getting help? Going to therapy or anything like that?

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

At the age of 26 I have realised how important it is to talk to people, to gain experience on life but I have not done this. I eat, sleep go to work and watch TV, use my computer.

You are able to change this!!! If you don't want to be doing what you're doing now for the rest of your life, you don't have to! You are still young.

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I know I might have another 26 years or more left on earth and I'm not sure I can take it. I have an inbuilt ability to carry on with life but I mean what kind of life is it?

Life is what you make it to be....

Fear is a horrible thing that unfortunately often prevents people from doing certain things. However, you don't have to let it control you. Try little things to improve. It is difficult to overcome obstacles, but there are always solutions (and I don't mean death) out there.

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

My world is constantly surrounded by chatting voices but I know I cannot join in.

This might be hard to believe....but....you do have a choice. Do you try to join in or did you give up a long time ago? Either way, there is still hope. It's just something you'll have to try to work towards.

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I am a good, nice person but nice guys finish last.

Nice guys only finish last when they let themselves finish last. It doesn't sound like you give yourself the chance to even be in the running.

May 28, 2008 16:40:45 GMT -5 halflife2008 said:

I hope my life can be a lesson to anyone that is shy and quiet - don't wake up in your mid twenties and wonder what you did with you life. Grab life with both hands.

Again, you are still young!!!! You still have time to change whether you realize this right now or not!



If you ever want to try talking to someone one-on-one, feel free to pm me. I hope you don't really want to take your own life....I do understand your thoughts about it, though. At 15, I had very strong suicidal thoughts and sometimes they still creep back into my mind when I go into a depressive stage.

Anyway, I really hope you come to realize that your negative opinions about yourself and your life are not accurate....and that you see there is more to your life than you realize.

[Sweet Pea]

"I am 26 years old and I have done nothing with my life. From the age of 10 years old I have been shy and introvert. I have had friends up to about 15 years old but you could call them the loser group. We would play football at lunchtimes at school and not discuss the important issues like girls or other things. I have always been immature for my age and am still shy even now. I missed out on my teenage years altogether because I was still acting like a child. I have hardly spoke to anyone for 15 years because of self loathing and shyness. I have occupied my time using computers, going out on my own and work. I thought I could replace interaction with people with artifcial things like TV. I have no personality because I don't speak to people. Fear has held me back from speaking to people and I haven't bothered to learn about important things in life. I know nothing about anything important in life and cannot have a conversation even with my parents. I thought for years that other things could preoccupy my mind and I didn't need to interact with others. I am the ultimate loner. I am quite intelligent but I only know about things that are of no use to me in everyday life. I recently have thought about ending my life because there is no way I can talk to anyone again. At the age of 26 I have realised how important it is to talk to people, to gain experience on life but I have not done this. I eat, sleep go to work and watch TV, use my computer. If I do things it is on my own. If you do things on your own 24/7 they are not as enjoyable as you can imagine. I recently went swimming on my own which was good but what next? I have little confidence in my self but know I am a good person. If you only have yourself for company, you can get bored of that person. I spend time with others but have little to say to them because I have no real personality. I know I might have another 26 years or more left on earth and I'm not sure I can take it. I have an inbuilt ability to carry on with life but I mean what kind of life is it? You can't turn the clock back but I wish at the age of 12 years old I had tried harder to fit in and learn. My world is constantly surrounded by chatting voices but I know I cannot join in. This is my life so far. I know I cannot change what has gone in the past but I don't want to look to the future either. I take one day at a time and I hope one day to accept what I am and just get on with it. I needed to put this in writing and for some reason chose this forum. I am a good, nice person but nice guys finish last. I hope my life can be a lesson to anyone that is shy and quiet - don't wake up in your mid twenties and wonder what you did with you life. Grab life with both hands"

i have bolded a bunch of statements you've made here that are gross exaggerations and/or negative thinking. it is NOT true that you have no personality. you may have the desire to IMPROVE your personality, and this is something you CAN do. what i see when i read this post is someone rationalizing their decision to give up and not try to improve self or life.

you've made a good start here by writing down the things you are thinking. now examine them. ask yourself - are they really true? or are they just an exaggeration or an excuse for doing nothing today to improve my situation?

for example your statement "I know nothing about anything important in life and cannot have a conversation"; there's no way this is true. everything you say here is true of many people. we communicate electronically with other people alot. it doesn't mean we don't have a brain, we don't have the ability to communicate with language, or that we don't know anything about anything of interest to anybody. you've communicated here just fine. we are real people. you are communicating with real people. we understand you. we find what you are saying interesting. we are responding to the things you say. we may not agree with everything you say, but hey - that's life. situation normal.

i do agree that you should "Grab life with both hands", but you're talking like 26 is an old man on a crutch, lol. you're exactly half my age kiddo, and it's the perfect time to start taking your own very good advice!

[halflife2008]

Hello again. I appreciate the comments all of you have made, it has given me hope. I tend to have hope sometimes but not enough motivation or confidence. I am going to try harder to connect with people. My job gives me opportunities to talk to people in brief moments. It is at breaktimes and lunchtimes that I should try harder. I am stuck in a bit of a rut and need to change things a bit. The important things I mentioned can be learned and I know it may take a while. I hope I can develop a better personality but I don't know where to begin.