DATING = what exactly?

[strawberrysweetie]

So.....this has really been bothering me lately, especially since I can't stop thinking about guys.

My question is...what in the heck does DATING actually mean these days? Is there a direct answer as to how it works?


If you're 'dating' someone, is it automatically exclusive? Or does dating begin with "seeing" several people at the same time while not getting too close to any specific one person while getting to know them all? When does the boyfriend/girlfriend stage begin?

I had come across this weird book my mom had gotten about dating....I think it was made in the mid-late 90s. Anyway, it mentioned how it seems in the modern world...people don't really "date" like they used to. That...previously, dating meant seeing several people at once without getting particularly close until choosing a specific one.

But then it mentions how nowadays it seems people automatically go into the boyfriend/girlfriend stage and get serious sooner....and has, therefore, sort of changed the whole 'dating' concept.

I think this seems true, though....it doesn't seem people date around just to get to know a bunch of people at once before deciding on one to move further with. People seem to jump into exclusive relationships very quickly. Even in middle school/high school....people just seemed to jump into these "exclusive" relationships. Actual "dating" doesn't seem to occur.



And, I just came across this page where this guy asked basically the same question...and I think he worded it better than I did:

PLEASE don't read the comments to his question before responding with your own thoughts, though. I'd really like everyone's own original opinions on this!!!

ask.metafilter.com/28643/What-is-dating-and-how-does-it-work


....particularly....I like his "further questions"...

"Further questions: Say you're dating Tom, Dick and Harry. What does this consist of? Do you just go for meals/to the cinema/whatever with them? Do you kiss them? Do you do more than kiss them? Do you text/email Tom saying "I'm really looking forward to seeing you again xxx" and then immediately send the same text to Dick? (Harry has fallen out of favour)."


So, anyway....please share your own, original thoughts!!!

[pnoopiepnats]

I didn't read the link yet as my connection is too slow to load it fastly.

First I think what culture you are in defines it a lot. Like in the UK, people tend not to date but to try out one person for awhile and they are exclusive.

In the states it seems to be quantity over quality and you actually have to ask if you are exclusive.

Back in the old days things were even more different. Girls dated different boys until they were pinned which meant they were going steady and that most of the time meant marriage. So, pretty much you dated until engagement was in the picture.

[HybridMoment]

I think dating has been replaced with "hooking up". If they are serious about the relationship then they are exclusively "going out" with someone.

In the past I guess people were more formal about it. The only person I know who has been on formal dates is my sister, but the only type of guys she will go out with are old fashioned Christians.

Everyone else I know just meet people at parties and then hook up. Then with out getting to know each other quickly move in together for awhile, and in a couple of months have a horrible break up, and then do it all over again.

[strawberrysweetie]

Hey all....just want to say thanks for your opinions on this subject. I appreciate your comments.


And littlesongbird, that is exactly how I feel. The whole concept of dating seems very "foreign" to me, as well.

[Sweet Pea]

dating is simply setting a date when you plan to get together with someone you want to spend time with and get to know better. it's a more direct approach than the alternative. rather than waiting for fate to plop someone in your lap, you actually make plans to get together. it's really not complicated.

[Naptaq]

Well I don't know about 'original thoughts', because, see, in Jung's theory we all share the collective uncoscious that's part of our psychie..

In a more broad way, I think we all share the same thing, consciousness, out of which all thoughts arise. It's just a matter of the state of mind of the person, context, and where one's attuned to and what level one lives most of the time.

Well, to finnally anwser your question; I think it's very difficult to say, because what's custumary for one couple may be ridicolus to another one. One couple might kiss on the first date and another might wait till their wedding day.. Who knows?

There are also vast cultural differences if you look around the world. Pre-arranged marriage and multiple wifes (Wife #1, wife #2, wife #3..) are just some of the things some parts of the world take for granted.

[etn]

Is it me, or does anyone else think that we (at least those of us in the US) have made dating (whatever your defenition) a hell of lor harder than it has to be?

[madiocre]

lol
yeah all of this stuff seems horribly difficult and complex it like playig a game where everyone [plays by their own rules and you need to be playing by their unknown rules and living up to those expectations whilst trying to work out your own set of rules and expectations that will works best for you .

Yeah i live in australia and i dont think there are many ppl who actually date .
i dunno i see it as a kinda trial thing ,ok ill see you a few times at a higher level and see if that works for us sorta thing that dosen't need to be monogamous.

[etn]

Giving it further thought. Maybe dating is defined by the indvidual within their own culture.

The 2 basic kinds of "dating" I'm famailiar with:

1. People who got out with different people seeing who (if any) they can attempt a more monogomous, romantic relationship with.

2. People who are already in monogomous, romantic relationship, and simply use the term "dating" to refer to the time when they got out to dinner and such.

And then there are million variations based or which draw on those two scenarios.