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Post by Sweet Pea on Jun 23, 2008 0:58:56 GMT -5
Yeah I think you're right. He obviously knows I'm interested and if he doesn't call then he's probably not very interested and there's really no point in attempting to change that. yep...that's pretty much how it works. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 2, 2008 1:32:38 GMT -5
whoa! way to overthink things! lol
yeah, safe to say your anxiety is making it difficult for you to relax and enjoy his company. but i'm sure you don't want to be one of those people who gets lost in a fantasy world and loses all touch with the pleasures of the real world. listen to the negative things you're saying to yourself...predicting disaster basically. this guy hasn't rushed you, on the contrary. he's been quite patient, slow and gentle from what you've described. take a deep breath and just enjoy this! get to know the real person, experience the real relationship...and stop comparing it unfavorably to a fantasy that exists only in your mind. because that fantasy will never bring you the satisfaction a real-life relationship can.
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Post by madiocre on Jul 2, 2008 5:20:33 GMT -5
well you said this guy intrigues you and you want to explore that even though you are unsure .
well who is to say hes not feeling the same maybe even though you did seem nervous or whatever he may still well be intrigued by your personality too .
And as sweet pea said it sounds like you are overthinking which is really on of the worst things to do. Try to just stay in the moment and shut off all the negative thinking and concentrate on all the goodness infront of you not expectations etc .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 2, 2008 21:26:52 GMT -5
whoa! way to overthink things! lol yeah, safe to say your anxiety is making it difficult for you to relax and enjoy his company. but i'm sure you don't want to be one of those people who gets lost in a fantasy world and loses all touch with the pleasures of the real world. listen to the negative things you're saying to yourself...predicting disaster basically. this guy hasn't rushed you, on the contrary. he's been quite patient, slow and gentle from what you've described. take a deep breath and just enjoy this! get to know the real person, experience the real relationship...and stop comparing it unfavorably to a fantasy that exists only in your mind. because that fantasy will never bring you the satisfaction a real-life relationship can. No, I don't want to be lost in a fantasy world. I just don't understand why I didn't feel anything when he kissed me. The whole time I was with him I felt like there was a wall between us keeping us from connecting - I didn't feel like he was being genuine with me somehow, and I was having a hard time showing him who I am because I was so nervous. I felt like he was humoring me a lot, maybe to encourage me to open up. I think neither of us have any idea who the other really is and somehow I feel like we're acting like we do in some way. We're physically touching, but I feel like there is a barrior preventing us from touching on other levels. It felt almost like there was an elephant in the room that no one can acknowledge, although I'm not exactly sure what the elephant is or if it's all in my head. I kept on having the urge to talk about the lack of connection between us, because I felt like that would finally be the start of something real. Maybe the real problem is the fact that I don't feel like I can trust him at this point, and the fact that I feel really unsure about what he wants from me - does he want to get to know me or is he mainly interested physically? Does he/can he respect me or is this just a little game for him? I don't know these things, yet I'm just going along with whatever he does. I think it makes me feel cheap. I feel like there is no way he could really like or respect me, because 1) he doesn't know me, and 2) I sounded/acted like an idiot last night. I was so nervous I had trouble stringing simple sentences together and found it extremely difficult to answer his questions with any amount of coherence - I felt like I was just grabbing in the dark for words, and I think I even stuttered a couple times. He had to keep asking me to clarify what I was saying. And I'm not even going to get started on the different pitches my voice went through. He is a very attractive (I think), outgoing guy. How could he not get turned off by my awkwardness and what must have seemed like a large deficiency in intelligence? The only way it makes sense to me is that a.) he just wants to get some action and he's not picky about with whom, or b.) he only told me to call him because I was standing there awkwardly waiting for him to initiate saying goodbye (my tongue was glued to the roof of my mouth), and he felt obligated/didn't know what else to say. Are these reasonable conclusions to come to, or am I really over thinking things like you suggested? I should also mention that yes, he has been very gentle and patient, but I don't think he's been going THAT slowly. In addition to kissing me he touched and stroked me right above my chest (sorry for these details  ), brushed against the side of it, and also touched my leg and let his hand fall down my back and kind of touched my butt, just barely. At that point I was about to put my hand out to stop him, but he stopped on his own. So yeah, sorry for the rambling. Does it sound like he's just interested in sex? well, from what you've posted about this i got the impression that he's had plenty of opportunity to observe you before these few recent attempts to get closer. so chances are he knows you're intelligent, well-spoken and attractive...and he knows he feels attracted to you. guys who are ONLY after sex with absolutely no interest in getting to know you better don't stick around this long. they go after the easy lays and leave those who are slow to warm up alone. if you want him to act like he isn't interested in sex, that might be asking alot. in fact, if i recall correctly - didn't you say you were interested in having sex with this guy? if you're feeling that way, why shouldn't he? yes, i definitely think you're overthinking all this. and this type of overthinking and the anxiety it produces can make it difficult to connect with others. so that might be why you sense a barrier. if you want to date awhile and get to know each other better before you go any further with the physical stuff, that's fine. suggest activities that don't involve sitting under the starlight groping. if he's not interested in more than sex, he probably won't be interested in activities not compatible with it. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 2, 2008 23:47:58 GMT -5
Thanks for your response Sweet Pea. He has had opportunity to observe me, but I was practically mute during the class we took together, especially around him. I definitely didn't show myself to be well spoken or intelligent. But anyway you're right, I do want him to be interested in sex although I never said I wanted to have sex with him - at least not any time in the near future. I just want to know that it's not all about emotionless sex for him - I want him to be genuinely interested in me also, and I guess I just don't see why he would be after what he's seen. But I guess his actions have shown that he doesn't want to rush me into anything I don't feel comfortable with. I feel like I must have turned him off last night though, because I wasn't that responsive to him. I guess time will tell here's a mantra for ya - 'let the mojo flow'.  |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 9, 2008 0:33:06 GMT -5
relationships usually follow a progression of getting closer and closer, and more and more physical over time. in this case you've allowed it to get to a certain level, but now you're trying to turn things back to a less physical level. i think the problem is probably that you don't see engaging people in conversation as your strength, so you haven't taken the initiative to keep the conversation going strong. you have however responded to his physical advances. i think he's thinking the relationship is supposed to get steadily more and more physical, and if it doesn't that means you don't like him. i could be wrong though, he could be a total player and manipulating you. i'm not there, so it's difficult to gauge. from my perspective, what it all comes down to is - what do you want? decide that and act on the decision. tell him what you want. he's been pretty clear about what he wants. if he isn't into what you want, he'll make himself scarce.
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Post by MrNice on Jul 9, 2008 8:25:09 GMT -5
I won't say anything definite about the situation, but just something to think about - chances are that even if this guy is serious, it won't be the last relationship of your life anyway. I know its a bit cynical but might ease things a bit. If you don't feel comfortable don't do it, but don't let some grandiose life long plan spoil the fun either.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 10, 2008 9:03:57 GMT -5
nah...if he doesn't call, i'd just find a new victim. |
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Post by deadendphilosopher on Jul 19, 2008 11:25:34 GMT -5
I just deleted all my posts on this thread because I feel like I shared too many personal details. I'm really glad I didn't call the guy, I feel so much more clear about this whole situation now.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 19, 2008 15:25:36 GMT -5
I just deleted all my posts on this thread because I feel like I shared too many personal details. I'm really glad I didn't call the guy, I feel so much more clear about this whole situation now. gee thanks, now i look like a totally demented person yakking to myself, lol. ;D |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jul 19, 2008 17:44:46 GMT -5
I just deleted all my posts on this thread because I feel like I shared too many personal details.. Ah you needn't worry or be embarassed. At the time you were in need of advice. It's ok.  |
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), brushed against the side of it, and also touched my leg and let his hand fall down my back and kind of touched my butt, just barely. At that point I was about to put my hand out to stop him, but he stopped on his own. So yeah, sorry for the rambling. Does it sound like he's just interested in sex?
