Closure?

[etn]

Many years back, I went through a very personal traumatic experience. To make a long story short, I wrote what in retrospect was very nasty e-mail to a person who at the time was a close friend.

The letter had to do with the way he was mistreating a girl. The details aren’t important. The only real regret I have about the letter wasn’t what I said, but how I said it. Also, at the time I was having some real troubles with some psych medications I was on. Although, I suppose I could use that as an excuse, I can’t help but think the majority of it was pent up frustration I felt towards him.

My intention was never to destroy our friendship, but he was one of those people who always had to be right. If you disagreed, instead of logically arguing with you, he would mock your arguments. People like this really get under my skin. I think just for once I wanted him to admit he was wrong.

When I got the letter back saying he never wanted to speak to me again, I was heart broken. It completely shattered my world. The loss was like the sudden death of a close relative. I suddenly felt all alone.

I think our friendship was soon coming to close anyway. Maybe I just wanted to be the one to close it.

Time moved on, but this situation always haunted me.

I was browsing Myspace not too long ago. I was always afraid of looking up his profile, I didn’t know how I would react if I ever saw him again (even if it was just a recent photo). Partly was because I didn’t want to hear about how his life was just wonderful.

Well, suddenly I decided to look at his profile and see how he had changed. Just out of nowhere, I had the urge to do it.

The person I saw was nothing like the friend I remembered (save for the same haircut). He was… boring. Nothing stood out about him. If I were to meet this person for the first time today, I doubt we would have much to say to each other.

Granted, maybe an online profile does not reflect the depth of a person’s life, personality, or character. But suddenly, I felt a sense of relief, a sense of closure. There is no other way to put it.

For some reason, I felt like sharing this here.

[Sweet Pea]

you're not the only one this kinda thing happens to, if it makes you feel any better. i've heard and witnessed other such tales. sometimes it happens in families too, and you have to make the hard choice of whether to speak up when it could cost you a relationship with a family member. but sometimes you have to decide whether it's more important to retain a relationship with someone else or be on good terms with yourself.

[gaia]

Standing up for what you believe in is a good thing. I've met people who fit your description too, and it's just useless trying to reason with them sometimes.

With reguards to how you said it, things can't be 'put nicely' the whole time. I understand how psychiatric medications can fuck with your head and make you say things very bluntly...
I know i've caused a lot of trouble with things i've said before, due to side effects of medication making my patience very thin and just making me not care.

Anyway, i'm glad you have now got a sense of closure.

[etn]

Thanks for the kind and supportive words.

I begining to wonder if maybe the sense of relief I had was alos In due to confronting a fear I had?