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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 6, 2008 21:20:51 GMT -5
This is a webpage from a University's counseling center with the basics of improving self-esteem. Improving Self-esteem |
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Post by HybridMoment on Jul 6, 2008 22:19:35 GMT -5
Maybe some people do have supportive friends, but I can't even imagine anyone (much less shy people) doing things like it suggest in the get help from others section.
* Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or think you do well.
* Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to you "vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things.
* Ask for a hug.
* Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 6, 2008 22:25:07 GMT -5
Maybe some people do have supportive friends, but I can't even imagine anyone (much less shy people) doing things like it suggest in the get help from others section. * Ask friends to tell you what they like about you or think you do well. * Ask someone who cares about you to just listen to you "vent" for a little while without trying to "fix" things. * Ask for a hug. * Ask someone who loves you to remind you that they do. maybe you can't imagine it, but i can and so can alot of other people. perhaps it would help to find one thing on that list of suggestions that you feel you can do rather than looking for the things you don't feel you can do right now. that's how we make progress...doing the things we can do and building on that...one step at a time. this stuff really works folks. sitting around and bemoaning our fate, however, does not. |
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Post by HybridMoment on Jul 6, 2008 23:41:11 GMT -5
I wasn't just thinking of my own life in these scenarios.
I was thinking about anyone I know, if they were to say to one of their friends, "What do you like about me or think I do well?" It would just end up with the other person laughing at them or just shrugging and now knowing what to say, especially if they were guys or teenagers. Probably even with different phrasing of the question.
People actually saying these kinds of things to each other sounds like a script from a sit com, not how people really would act around each other.
Maybe the asking someone that loves you to remind you that they do would work with couples, but even then they might think something was wrong with you if that wasn't something typical of you to say.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 6, 2008 23:49:28 GMT -5
I wasn't just thinking of my own life in these scenarios. I was thinking about anyone I know, if they were to say to one of their friends, "What do you like about me or think I do well?" It would just end up with the other person laughing at them or just shrugging and now knowing what to say, especially if they were guys or teenagers. Probably even with different phrasing of the question. People actually saying these kinds of things to each other sounds like a script from a sit com, not how people really would act around each other. Maybe the asking someone that loves you to remind you that they do would work with couples, but even then they might think something was wrong with you if that wasn't something typical of you to say. i think the assumption is that we're all smart enough to realize these aren't things we'd say/ask with casual acquaintances but with people we are very close to...primary relationships. regardless, i'd like to point out that there's quite a few other things suggested to try, some of which do not involve talking to other people. |
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Post by madiocre on Jul 7, 2008 2:27:25 GMT -5
They are things that would take us out of our comfort zones but to make a conscious change you do need to go out of comfort zones .
I guess Im lucky enough that i do have a close relationship with my mum and so i can ask her those type of things . LOL i guess thats fair enough our upbringings is a part of our low self steem .
and i think getting someone to admit they love you dosnt necessarily mean it has to be romantic love as such .
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gaia
New Member
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Post by gaia on Jul 7, 2008 3:23:18 GMT -5
..and i think getting someone to admit they love you dosnt necessarily mean it has to be romantic love as such . That's true. But my low self-esteem gets in the way of the "Get help from others" bit. What I mean is, my sister will call me beautiful or my Mum will say how lovely I am - and I think they just have to say those things because they're family. I know I should listen and thank them, but I just get so embarassed.  I can't say building self-esteem is easy though, when a lot of people (or more specifically, a lot of men) have made fun of me and have reminded me that i'm undesireable/really should change myself. Anyway, that was a good site Sweet Pea. |
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Post by madiocre on Jul 7, 2008 5:30:53 GMT -5
iIts really hard to take the compliments its so easy to brush them off and obsess over the negative remarks . i even find education its a bit like that if i do good i dont even consider it or take it in it just like yeah i did good no biggie but if i do bad i obsess over it .
yeah i got to admit sometimes working on esteem can be hard it can feel like you are just telling yourself this stuff to get by and that you are avoiding the reality . You dont want to be like some kind of idiot who thinks better of themselves then they are even though in reality t i dont think there is any1 out there like that they people who seem the most secure or " up themselves" usually arent . . for example the the whole beauty thing , there are certain standards in our society and if you don't fit into those standards it can be hard to turn around and say well yeah im this or that but im still beautiful . like you see people who will say things like o beauty is in the ye of the beholder then you see them turn around and criticize some celebrity that has put on weight or what ever .
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Post by Sweet Pea on Jul 7, 2008 9:16:30 GMT -5
for me, simple common sense can help alot. when i examine my inner voice's constant patter, and listen to what i'm saying to myself, i can benefit by thinking of it the way i would if anyone else was talking to me. i wouldn't allow others to put me down...i would at the very least avoid them so i wouldn't have to listen to it. since i can't escape my own judgement of myself (being locked in here together), i just do what i would do if it were anyone else talking. if i hear myself saying something negative about me, i tell me to shut up! knock it off! that isn't nice, and by god i'm not about to live with someone who isn't nice to me! ;D
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Post by MrNice on Jul 7, 2008 9:48:05 GMT -5
I think people really can act like that around each other
obviously asking someone what they like about you would be part of a private conversation but its not weird at all
we are always afraid to sound weird or wrong or say something that would make us look bad, but things only start happening when we take a risk and do it
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