Post by etn on Jul 14, 2008 21:12:32 GMT -5
Jeez, where to begin... Ok a one and a two...and...
Every time a meet a woman that is totally single and attractive, I always end coming away resenting her. Even if I’m smiling and the conversation was pleasant. I still find myself filled with anger, distrust and loathing.
Let me explain. Over the weekend we had a visitor at work that may be moving to the area and becoming an employee. I was told of her coming, but given the people who have come through in the past, I was expecting someone middle aged and of no interest.
What showed up was an attractive woman in her late twenties, who is totally unattached. The first time I spoke with her, I thought things went well. It was just friendly conversation. But as sometime went on, I began to wonder if I came on too strong or something. I started analyzing the conversation, what I said what she said, etc.
While I was working and she was waiting to speak to the owner a manger suggested that the three of us sit down for a friendly visit. She turned the idea down in favor of taking a walk (I should mentioned she had taken a walk earlier).
Later in the weekend, she was invited to come to a local party that I was also attending. It wasn’t too far from where she was staying. But she did ask, if I could give her a ride. But, when time came, she again decided she’d rather walk. Later, when time came for her to leave, she really didn’t even say good bye to me.
A friend I spoke about this, told me that I tend to always expect a negative outcome and that, in the absence of evidence, I shouldn’t start filling in the blanks. I’m assuming the worst because I’m insecure.
Now, he’s probably right. I’m probably just jumping too conclusions and reading way too deeply into things. It was a very busy weekend for her and it’s not like we made any deep connection. To be honest, I don’t think we have very much in common. But I think when I meet someone like her, someone my age, attractive, single, and looking fairly happy and confident, I’m thrown back to my Junior High days when a person like that would have been part of the people who made my life a living hell (I know I should be way past this and I am farther than I have been in the past, but I still got a way to go).
Also, I begin to think how she’ll probably move here and fall for another guy, and that might best. But that just makes me feel jealous because I can’t find anyone.
That I’ve gone through this kind of thing before.
God, I hate times like this. I should be taking this opportunity to be positive and work through this, To talk back to my negative thoughts and learn to be more confident in myself. But, Instead, all I really want to do is listen to Slayer and be angry at the world.
So what’s the verdict am I insecure, pessimistic, bitter, immature and most likely my own worst enemy? Just how f*cked up am I?
Every time a meet a woman that is totally single and attractive, I always end coming away resenting her. Even if I’m smiling and the conversation was pleasant. I still find myself filled with anger, distrust and loathing.
Let me explain. Over the weekend we had a visitor at work that may be moving to the area and becoming an employee. I was told of her coming, but given the people who have come through in the past, I was expecting someone middle aged and of no interest.
What showed up was an attractive woman in her late twenties, who is totally unattached. The first time I spoke with her, I thought things went well. It was just friendly conversation. But as sometime went on, I began to wonder if I came on too strong or something. I started analyzing the conversation, what I said what she said, etc.
While I was working and she was waiting to speak to the owner a manger suggested that the three of us sit down for a friendly visit. She turned the idea down in favor of taking a walk (I should mentioned she had taken a walk earlier).
Later in the weekend, she was invited to come to a local party that I was also attending. It wasn’t too far from where she was staying. But she did ask, if I could give her a ride. But, when time came, she again decided she’d rather walk. Later, when time came for her to leave, she really didn’t even say good bye to me.
A friend I spoke about this, told me that I tend to always expect a negative outcome and that, in the absence of evidence, I shouldn’t start filling in the blanks. I’m assuming the worst because I’m insecure.
Now, he’s probably right. I’m probably just jumping too conclusions and reading way too deeply into things. It was a very busy weekend for her and it’s not like we made any deep connection. To be honest, I don’t think we have very much in common. But I think when I meet someone like her, someone my age, attractive, single, and looking fairly happy and confident, I’m thrown back to my Junior High days when a person like that would have been part of the people who made my life a living hell (I know I should be way past this and I am farther than I have been in the past, but I still got a way to go).
Also, I begin to think how she’ll probably move here and fall for another guy, and that might best. But that just makes me feel jealous because I can’t find anyone.
That I’ve gone through this kind of thing before.
God, I hate times like this. I should be taking this opportunity to be positive and work through this, To talk back to my negative thoughts and learn to be more confident in myself. But, Instead, all I really want to do is listen to Slayer and be angry at the world.
So what’s the verdict am I insecure, pessimistic, bitter, immature and most likely my own worst enemy? Just how f*cked up am I?
