My first kiss meant nothing to me?

[famfnl]

I've been talking with this guy for almost a year but on and off and not really that intimately. I met him online. The past 2 months we've actually gotten a lot closer. I really like his personality and all, but not so much his appearance. Our second date was yesterday and we finally got to kiss and then made out. But I did not feel anything when we were making out. That was actually my first kiss and it did not give me any sparks or tingly feelings inside. Should I still go out with him even though I dont feel special inside? I have no idea what to do. He was very much turned on but I wasn't I don't know how to tell him that. Could anybody please help me out?

I just feel so incredibly bad for leading him on like that. But i didnt' purposely do that. I was hoping that i'd feel more towards him, but the kiss really didnt stir up anything inside of me unfortunately I still adore his caring and loveable personality though. Do you think we should just be friends?

[Sweet Pea]

Oct 5, 2008 21:00:46 GMT -5 famfnl said:

I've been talking with this guy for almost a year but on and off and not really that intimately. I met him online. The past 2 months we've actually gotten a lot closer. I really like his personality and all, but not so much his appearance. Our second date was yesterday and we finally got to kiss and then made out. But I did not feel anything when we were making out. That was actually my first kiss and it did not give me any sparks or tingly feelings inside. Should I still go out with him even though I dont feel special inside? I have no idea what to do. He was very much turned on but I wasn't I don't know how to tell him that. Could anybody please help me out?

I just feel so incredibly bad for leading him on like that. But i didnt' purposely do that. I was hoping that i'd feel more towards him, but the kiss really didnt stir up anything inside of me unfortunately I still adore his caring and loveable personality though. Do you think we should just be friends?

i guess my advice would have to depend on how much experience you've had. if this is your very first bf and you have no sexual experience, you might want to give it more time. but if you are experienced, then you know by now whether there's any mojo or not. you should, by all means, be friends. but don't expect him to feel that way about it. rejection can be painful, and it usually creates either desperation or resentment. however, you're under no obligation to have sex with someone you don't have those kinda feelings for. i can tell you that there's no guy on the planet who wants to hear - 'you're such a sweet and wonderful person and i love you to pieces, i just don't want to have sex with you.' if you decide you're done, it's probably best to pull the bandaid off quickly.

[famfnl]

i guess my advice would have to depend on how much experience you've had. if this is your very first bf and you have no sexual experience, you might want to give it more time. [/quote]

Yeah it is my first bf. I think I may need some more time to spend with him because that was just our second date. I hope things will get better from here on because he has the kind of personality that I've been looking for in a guy.

So i told him if we could just continue dating and not be in a serious relationship just yet and he told me has no idea what that means lol

[skyhint]

I have a theory that the only reason women have sex is because we feel sorry for men.
I don't think I would waste my time with someone I didn't care for.

[gaia]

Maybe you were expecting the Hollywood style kiss, with fireworks and sparks, and have come crashing down to reality to find real life is not like that at all.
Or maybe you just can't feel sexually attracted to that guy.

Try to work out the cause of this disappointment.
Is it that your expectations are too high (in which case, give this guy more time)?
Or is it genuinely that you don't like him like that (in which case, you need to let him down gently)?

[Naptaq]

Oct 6, 2008 4:11:24 GMT -5 skyhint said:

I have a theory that the only reason women have sex is because we feel sorry for men.

Ouch..

[Sweet Pea]

Oct 6, 2008 3:05:42 GMT -5 famfnl said:

Yeah it is my first bf. I think I may need some more time to spend with him because that was just our second date. I hope things will get better from here on because he has the kind of personality that I've been looking for in a guy.

So i told him if we could just continue dating and not be in a serious relationship just yet and he told me has no idea what that means lol

well, my guess is he's trying to figure out if you're going to cut him off, lol. if he's a typical guy, he's probably pretty focused on the sex and hasn't given the 'relationship' much thought. sounds like he's telling you that he needs you to tell him what you want him to do. he can't read your mind. since the two of you are both inexperienced, you'll just have to muddle along and figure this relationship stuff out together. hopefully you'll have some fun along the way.

[Sweet Pea]

Oct 6, 2008 4:11:24 GMT -5 skyhint said:

I have a theory that the only reason women have sex is because we feel sorry for men.
I don't think I would waste my time with someone I didn't care for.

i'd have to say there are times we do, but i certainly can't agree that we always do. i consider myself a generous lover, but not that generous, lol. if i'm not getting any pleasure out of it, it's sure as hell not gonna be an ongoing thing.

[famfnl]

Thanks everyone for your input...I wasn't even talking about sex though lol I'm not gonna do it till marriage and he's not gonna do it anytime soon unless he's really serious about the relationship.

I've asked my friends about it and they all experienced something tingly inside with their first kiss or at least somewhat turned on....but i didnt experience that. But I'll just have to figure that out on my own, I guess.

It just sucks that I'm not so much attracted physically to him as I am to his mind, heart, and soul. Is this a bad thing??

[Sweet Pea]

Oct 8, 2008 0:42:25 GMT -5 famfnl said:

Thanks everyone for your input...I wasn't even talking about sex though lol I'm not gonna do it till marriage and he's not gonna do it anytime soon unless he's really serious about the relationship.

I've asked my friends about it and they all experienced something tingly inside with their first kiss or at least somewhat turned on....but i didnt experience that. But I'll just have to figure that out on my own, I guess.

It just sucks that I'm not so much attracted physically to him as I am to his mind, heart, and soul. Is this a bad thing??

in my personal opinion, that's up to you. most people don't seem to be satisfied with a relationship without passion. particularly if it's an exclusive monogamous relationship.

[bennyl998]

I actually felt absolutely nothing my first kiss too...and i was really physically and mentally attracted to her...but there was just no sparks

[skyhint]

Oct 6, 2008 4:58:16 GMT -5 gaia said:

Maybe you were expecting the Hollywood style kiss, with fireworks and sparks, and have come crashing down to reality to find real life is not like that at all.
Or maybe you just can't feel sexually attracted to that guy.

Try to work out the cause of this disappointment.
Is it that your expectations are too high (in which case, give this guy more time)?
Or is it genuinely that you don't like him like that (in which case, you need to let him down gently)?

I really like gaia's answer. You can't rely on Hollywood to teach you about love.

[k151]

Contrary to what many people say, the physical attraction has to be present. The person doesn't have to be god-like, but if you don't find the person the least bit attractive, I doubt a long-term relationship would work.

If you do end it, do so swiftly and firmly.

The girl I went out with was not swift or firm. It just gives a guy hope. If there's no hope, for the love of god don't give him any. Part of that is the guy's responsibility to realize when it's over and let it go.

[Sweet Pea]

i still remember my first kiss. it was in the 7th grade. i practically melted into a little puddle on the floor.

[famfnl]

Oct 9, 2008 0:18:26 GMT -5 k151 said:

Contrary to what many people say, the physical attraction has to be present. The person doesn't have to be god-like, but if you don't find the person the least bit attractive, I doubt a long-term relationship would work.

If you do end it, do so swiftly and firmly.

The girl I went out with was not swift or firm. It just gives a guy hope. If there's no hope, for the love of god don't give him any. Part of that is the guy's responsibility to realize when it's over and let it go.

Yeah, I'm just all confused inside whether I really want to be with him or not. I hate being like this because I'm basically playing with his mind while I'm trying to figure out what I want and what's best for me. I feel so selfish. This guy is really sweet and caring and thoughtful, but I just don't like his physical appearance as much. That's what's bothering me. As of this second, we're trying to decide what to do on our next date together and I'm getting mixed feelings inside of me: Should I go? or should I not go?

I already told him that I do like him and want to be with him...BUT now I don't feel the same anymore. The stupid feelings come and go...i duno what to do. It's probably best to just stop playing with him and begin being good friends. What do you guys think about that?

I am soo lame. I hate hurting people. Because of my own confusion and selfishness, I'm hurting a really good guy Uhh I feel so terrible and mean.