love or respect?

[Sweet Pea]

this is just a hypothetical question, so no need to overthink it. please just respond with the first answer that pops into your head. curious minds want to know. ;D

[solacefox]

I chose neither...I've had love without respect and got treated like crap. It's not worth it. Respect without love...okay in a work setting I suppose?

[MrNice]

what is respect without love??

[strawberrysweetie]

I think real love comes with respect. So if the respect is not there, the love can't be there either.

But you can respect someone without loving them.

So sorry...I didn't vote.

[pnoopiepnats]

In a romantic relationship, you gotta have both.

[Naptaq]

Love without respect is an oxymoron. In that case what they call 'love' takes the form of possesivness, sexual attraction and practicality of the relationship.

[rukryM]

You need love, and you need respect. I chose neither, too. When you respect someone and don't love them, you can still like them. It's not that romantic type of love, though, it's the friendly type of love. Love without respect, I actually don't know, does that exist?

[Sweet Pea]

for love without respect i was thinkin about those situations where the romantic love is there but, for example, your opinion is not listened to. as in 'don't worry your pretty little head about it honey'.

for respect without love i was thinkin of those situations in which you're treated well and listened to, but there's no romantic love. like you might expect in an arranged marriage perhaps, or a marriage between best friends.

[MrNice]

for respect without love i was thinkin of those situations in which you're treated well and listened to, but there's no romantic love. like you might expect in an arranged marriage perhaps, or a marriage between best friends.

I don't ever see a situation where both people don't love each other but have respect for each other
arranged marriage is not a choice so that doesn't count
The only way I see this is if one person loves and the other does not
In that case I definitely would not want to be the guy that loves but only gets respect in return
nor would I enter into a relationship where I am loved but the only thing I have in return is respect

[strawberrysweetie]

Nov 15, 2008 2:39:33 GMT -5 MrNice said:

I don't ever see a situation where both people don't love each other but have respect for each other

You don't have respect for anyone you don't 'love?'

I don't even think one necessarily has to like someone to respect them. Maybe it depends on what definition one goes by. That goes for love to.


I don't understand love without respect, though. I mean, I sort of get your example, Sweet Pea, but that seems different to me....as if the one doing the disrespecting doesn't see it as disrespect. Yet the partner is still being slighted. If there's absolutely no respect for the partner, I don't think of it as 'love.'

To me, lasting love is an equal partnership, which therefore requires mutual respect.


Something I learned recently in my social psych class may be of interest to this thread.

According to the social psych view, there are two types of love:

1) companionate love - the intimacy and affection we feel when we care deeply for a person but do not experience passion or arousal in the person's presence

2) passionate love - an intense longing we feel for a person, accompanied by physiological arousal; when our love is reciprocated, we feel great fulfillment and ecstasy, but when it is not, we feel sadness and despair

In lecture, I remember the teacher talking about how some people think if the 'passionate love' fades, then they're no longer in love with that person. Yet, she said often it doesn't last and turns into the 'companionate love.' So those who value this type of love (cl) will most likely be able to maintain a much longer relationship. The others will most likely move from relationship to relationship because the intense 'passionate love' usually fades yet they expect it to be there forever.


*so umm...I guess by this definition (passionate vs. companionate)....I'd rather choose the "respect without love"---but I don't necessarily think it's not "love" just because it's not the intense passionate kind. Hopefully I'm making sense. I just think respect is highly important to love and that a physical connection can still exist even if it's not intensely passionate.

Then again, what do I know...as I've never been in a relationship. So I probably shouildn't even think about this.

[pnoopiepnats]

Nov 15, 2008 2:09:22 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

for love without respect i was thinkin about those situations where the romantic love is there but, for example, your opinion is not listened to. as in 'don't worry your pretty little head about it honey'.

for respect without love i was thinkin of those situations in which you're treated well and listened to, but there's no romantic love. like you might expect in an arranged marriage perhaps, or a marriage between best friends.

Yeah those are two perfect examples. My ex loved me but didn't respect me.

From most arranged marriages I have seen lately, they do seem to love each other but it takes time. It makes me think that love is a choice.

It will probably take some more years for most of the youngins here to get what you are saying.

[MrNice]

You don't have respect for anyone you don't 'love?'

of course I do - but its not within the context of a romantic relationship, which is the topic here

[wapwawet]

Nov 14, 2008 17:40:04 GMT -5 @strawberrysweetie said:

I think real love comes with respect. So if the respect is not there, the love can't be there either.

But you can respect someone without loving them.

So sorry...I didn't vote.

I pretty much agree with this. Well said.

[Sweet Pea]

Nov 15, 2008 11:12:05 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

Nov 14, 2008 17:40:04 GMT -5 @strawberrysweetie said:

I think real love comes with respect. So if the respect is not there, the love can't be there either.

But you can respect someone without loving them.

So sorry...I didn't vote.

I pretty much agree with this. Well said.

i always thought so too, but when you're thinking about romantic love in particular, this does seem to happen. and maybe that's why when the first blush of romantic love wears off, you usually find yourself with someone who mistreats you in some way...because the respect isn't there.

[Naptaq]

Nov 15, 2008 14:44:16 GMT -5 Sweet Pea said:

Nov 15, 2008 11:12:05 GMT -5 @wapwawet said:

I pretty much agree with this. Well said.

i always thought so too, but when you're thinking about romantic love in particular, this does seem to happen. and maybe that's why when the first blush of romantic love wears off, you usually find yourself with someone who mistreats you in some way...because the respect isn't there.

When the novelty, the sexual attraction and 'butterflies' wear off, people often find out that "love turned into hate", but there probably never was love in a such a reletionship in the first place.

The late Satchidananda had an interesting take on it