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Clingy?
Dec 30, 2008 14:57:27 GMT -5
Post by love4life on Dec 30, 2008 14:57:27 GMT -5
I'm not going to complain about how clingy my friend is, because I suspect she is for a good reason, and I can't say that I haven't been clingy too...but I'm just growing tired of how she constantly makes no effort to step outside her shell. I try to help the both of us, but it feels like she's being very demanding, by telling me how hurt she is when I 'ignore' her. I've tried to include her in conversations with other people, but she doesn't seem to feel comfortable in that sense. Of course, she's a very nice person, but she can get quite moody or snappish at me if I'm not with her 24/7, and it's starting to take up quite a lot of my energy. I know she's having many problems with her home life, but it feels as if she's always criticizing me for everything.
I just want the both of us to be satisfied with our lives.
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Clingy?
Dec 30, 2008 15:01:27 GMT -5
Post by rukryM on Dec 30, 2008 15:01:27 GMT -5
Seems to me like she considers you the only person whom she can trust, and when she can't spend time with you it saddens her, since she hasn't got anyone else and requires a lot of company. Trying to include shy and reserved people in conversations rarely works, I know that since that method has been tried on me. It should come natural, she has to initiate a conversation.
But she's got to realise that you cannot be around her forever, and the best way of doing that is by telling it to her. It might be harsh, the thruth many times is, but it's, in my opinion, the best thing to do here.
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Clingy?
Dec 31, 2008 15:06:43 GMT -5
Post by nelo on Dec 31, 2008 15:06:43 GMT -5
You can send all you clingy friends to me, I don't have any.
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Post by 10010101001111 on Jan 5, 2009 1:42:07 GMT -5
You can send all you clingy friends to me, I don't have any. hehe ;D
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Clingy?
Jan 26, 2009 15:51:39 GMT -5
Post by arizona on Jan 26, 2009 15:51:39 GMT -5
From the other side: I have been accused of being clingy. It was probably true. The result is, I am hesitant to try and find new friends because I'm afraid of the accusation again.
Y'see, clingy people don't realize they are being clingy unless you tell them to buzz off. In my case, I always thought friends liked being around each other and being in contact every few days or so. Not so! People like their space, and most friends like encountering each other only casually. That's normal. the old songs about lifelong bosom friends are simply not true, and absence does not make the heart grow fonder. The clinger has few friends, likes the company of the ones he/she does have, and feels ignored and hurt if these "friends" don't feel the same way toward them. That was how I felt. But don't worry, I will not pester people any more!
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 0:41:03 GMT -5
Post by nelo on Jan 27, 2009 0:41:03 GMT -5
I'd only be bothered if they showed up at my house, all the time, unannounced.
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 1:13:59 GMT -5
Post by Sweet Pea on Jan 27, 2009 1:13:59 GMT -5
I'd only be bothered if they showed up at my house, all the time, unannounced. i'll be sure to bring my bugle along then. ;D
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 2:34:02 GMT -5
Post by shynesssucks on Jan 27, 2009 2:34:02 GMT -5
ive had a clingy friend who would call me first thing in the morning and send me messages throughout the day to inform me about her whereabouts. Like i'd get a message like "where are you? im at the library ..going to get dinner and then come back to study" ...and this was only a short time after we met. well, i didn't mind that so much even though i felt like my space and my time alone was being compromised but she would want me to call her ...like be her alarm clock or what not..
i guess there are some people that can stand that kind of relationship..unless it's my boyfriend i don't think i could deal with that...so i had to basically keep telling her i was busy and she backed off..
i feel bad because i'd been there. it's out of loneliness that i use to cling to the person i could call a friend. and when that one person would pull away it would be hurtful and i would naturally blame them unfairly.
in your case, i think just being straightforward and telling the person that you need your space is all you can do.... letting them cling to when they complain about being ignored you would be positively enforcing their behavior...
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 15:42:24 GMT -5
Post by arizona on Jan 27, 2009 15:42:24 GMT -5
People have been accused of being clingy if they contact their "friends" every couple of days or so. Those who are calling you once an hour or so sound beyond clingy and into compulsive.
Yes, the only way to get rid of a clinger is to be rude. They won't get the message otherwise.....I didn't! It happened twice to me years ago, so now I'm afraid to reach out to people AT ALL!!! I had no idea I was being an obnoxious dimwit.
The clinger believes they are offering their "friends" love and friendship, and are genuinely shocked and hurt when you tell them where to go. Can't be helped, right? We all need our space, right? Maybe I'm being a little facetious here, but it's because I sometimes wonder if people who complain of clingy friends have also found other traits about the clinger they find annoying also, and are using clinginess as a reason to make an exit from the relationship.
I'm not defending clingers per se, but since I've been on "the other side", I find I'm a little more sympathetic to their plight than most are.
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 19:24:15 GMT -5
Post by strawberrysweetie on Jan 27, 2009 19:24:15 GMT -5
hmm...interesting thread. Kind of scaring me a bit. I'm not going to complain about how clingy my friend is, because I suspect she is for a good reason, and I can't say that I haven't been clingy too...but I'm just growing tired of how she constantly makes no effort to step outside her shell. I try to help the both of us, but it feels like she's being very demanding, by telling me how hurt she is when I 'ignore' her. I've tried to include her in conversations with other people, but she doesn't seem to feel comfortable in that sense. Of course, she's a very nice person, but she can get quite moody or snappish at me if I'm not with her 24/7, and it's starting to take up quite a lot of my energy. I know she's having many problems with her home life, but it feels as if she's always criticizing me for everything. Your friend reminds me a bit of myself....in the sense of being comfortable mainly in one-on-one situations. And in the sense, that even though you tried to include her in...she couldn't fit in, for whatever reason. I understand that well, because I feel I have to 'connect' with another before I can be really comfortable within a group....and so anyone who tries to include me, it most likely won't work since I don't feel that same connection with the other person(s). Except for me, the way I tend to operate, I wouldn't mention anything about feeling "ignored." I'd probably just let us grow apart since I'd realize you had better/more fun friends than me and I would sense your frustration with my inhibited ways. Moodiness and snappish-ness simply about not being able to be around someone for 24/7, though, is definitely not me.....I could not describe myself as "clingy" when it comes to friends I've had, since I've always been the one to wait on them to contact me to do something and always felt as though I was a complete bother if I were the one to initiate anything. Plus, I feel I need quite a bit of alone time. She's criticizing you? That's definitely not good. 'Friends' should NOT criticize. I'm sure you've tried, but I have to ask is there anything you can do to cheer her up- like a gallon of ice cream or visiting a pet shop to look at puppies and kittens? Or how about some drugs...marijuana? Or perhaps just lots of alcohol? (j/k ...) Seriously, though...skip the gallon of ice cream. If she needs a 'distraction' such as those, then she'll just be worse off...as she'll only be covering up the real problem for a short time. What it sounds like she really needs is a therapist....someone to talk to and lash out at, at the same time. So if you feel like you're being sent down the negative spiral too, then maybe it's time to take a break. Nobody can make everybody happy, so you might as well just make yourself happy. I do agree with this. I'd only be bothered if they showed up at my house, all the time, unannounced. i'll be sure to bring my bugle along then. ;D lol ive had a clingy friend who would call me first thing in the morning and send me messages throughout the day to inform me about her whereabouts. Like i'd get a message like "where are you? im at the library ..going to get dinner and then come back to study" ...and this was only a short time after we met. well, i didn't mind that so much even though i felt like my space and my time alone was being compromised but she would want me to call her ...like be her alarm clock or what not.. i guess there are some people that can stand that kind of relationship..unless it's my boyfriend i don't think i could deal with that...so i had to basically keep telling her i was busy and she backed off.. I did have a very "clingy" friend a couple of years ago..when I was at the dorms. She lived down the hall. And she was always around. I mean, it was constant. I actually thought it was great at first...someone who actually liked me and showed what I thought was genuine interest in me...wow! But then....as time went on, things went sour. It became too much! Of course a lot of other things occurred...and everyone was realizing how rudely moody she could get and she would just be too much to be around that much. And I also realized that part of the reason why she hung out with me so much could have been a part of an ulterior motive. But anyway........ in your case, i think just being straightforward and telling the person that you need your space is all you can do.... letting them cling to when they complain about being ignored you would be positively enforcing their behavior... Anyway, I'll second this advice. If you keep going on as you are, you'll possibly just come to despise the "clingy" one eventually. People need their space to maintain their sanity. (and btw...sorry about the ramblings about comparing myself to your friend...just my way of sorting out my thoughts. ) I do wish you the best in handling this situation.
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 19:56:25 GMT -5
Post by arizona on Jan 27, 2009 19:56:25 GMT -5
I apologize for continuing to sound off, but this thread has pushed my buttons, so please bear with me.
Accusations of clinginess are often rampant with exaggeration as well. This thread opened with a post complaining about a clingy friend who wanted to be around them 24/7. Aw come on! 24/7??? Even clingers sleep! ;D
I was more interested in the post that complained about a clingy friend who called or texted her once an hour all day every day. I ask, are you exaggerating? If not, then that's not clinginess, that's stalking. Why haven't you called the cops?
Clingers don't fit in well with "the group" if you try to see them only in a group setting. Clingers feel they have bonded with you and want to be able to spend quality time with someone they believe to be their friend. They are socially inept and cannot relate well to "new" people. They love YOU, not the group.
Most clingers get the message about themselves if two different people tell them what creeps they are. Most then spend the rest of their lives pretty much alone. If they are religious people, they dream of the day when maybe they will have friends in Heaven. It's a sad existence.
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Clingy?
Jan 27, 2009 19:59:03 GMT -5
Post by arizona on Jan 27, 2009 19:59:03 GMT -5
You can send all you clingy friends to me, I don't have any. Nelo, in one sentence you have revealed you know the score as well as I do. I thank you for your post.
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Clingy?
Feb 6, 2009 16:15:49 GMT -5
Post by arizona on Feb 6, 2009 16:15:49 GMT -5
Many years ago, there was a great children's tv series by Jim Henson called FRAGGLE ROCK. Remember that one? It was a great show and I loved it even though I was "technically" getting a bit too old to be watching it (I'm still a kid at heart).
But I do recall one episode I didn't like: Mokey befriends a strange, shy, lonely creature who has no friends. This creature proceeds to become psychotically clingy, and eventually imprisons Mokey. Yeah, that's a great message to send kids, eh? If you meet someone "quiet" and "different", be very very afraid!!!
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Clingy?
Feb 15, 2009 2:35:11 GMT -5
Post by free2bemyself on Feb 15, 2009 2:35:11 GMT -5
Many years ago, there was a great children's tv series by Jim Henson called FRAGGLE ROCK. Remember that one? It was a great show and I loved it even though I was "technically" getting a bit too old to be watching it (I'm still a kid at heart). But I do recall one episode I didn't like: Mokey befriends a strange, shy, lonely creature who has no friends. This creature proceeds to become psychotically clingy, and eventually imprisons Mokey. Yeah, that's a great message to send kids, eh? If you meet someone "quiet" and "different", be very very afraid!!! Mokey could befriend me instead and none of that stuff would happened to her. lol
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Post by mk4rhys on Mar 4, 2009 9:01:43 GMT -5
I wish someone was clingy wit me, take it as a compliment, it means she likes you, and wants to be with ya, I wish someone wanted to spend time with me
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