whyme
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by whyme on Feb 9, 2009 17:24:31 GMT -5
I'm 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend...I've never even been KISSED (well, soberly that is). I used to feel left out because all my friends had boyfriends. But when I got to college, I said to myself "Don't worry, it'll happen in due time, just be patient!" Now, here I am, a junior in college and it hasn't happened yet. To ad insult to injury, my two roommates both have boyfriends who basically live with us. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them! It's just sometimes I wish I could have what they have--or something like it at least.
Growing up, I was always a dreamer. Imagining what my first kiss would be like, imagining what it would feel like to hear someone say "I love you" and not doubt for one second that they truly meant it. But as I get older, reality is really setting in. I don't know what it's like to stare into a pair of eyes--knowing they belong to someone who actually cares for me. I don't know what its like to feel a pair of arms wrap around me "just 'cause." I feel like I'll never go to sleep dreaming of someone and not doubting for a second that they're dreaming of me to. I just want to experience love...but I can't even seem to get a to look twice in my direction.
Sometimes I feel so alone and I can't help but cry. It doesn't happen TOO often but when it rains it pours! I don't have anyone to talk to about it because I'm a pretty shy person. I don't have many friends and the ones that I do have are so wrapped up in their own relationships that they probably wouldn't care about what I have to say (also, I'm not one to tell others my 'deepest, darkest secrets and fears'). I'm pretty closed off and now that I'm almost graduating, I don't want to be anymore. But I feel like I've dug myself a hole that I can no longer escape from!
Everyone in college at this point has their set friends, set relationships, set activites and I'm just...kind of on the outside looking in, wondering why I've made myself this way. It gets bad sometimes but eh, I guess all I can do for the time being is deal, right?
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Post by nelo on Feb 9, 2009 18:52:21 GMT -5
Well, I've never had a girlfriend...I'm 19, going to college, and have no friends. It could be worse. It does seem like everything is set in place already and once I get a degree in something, that's it. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is just wait for someone to come along (someone who is female). Sometimes I don't feel like I'm ready for a relationship. Most people ignore me because I have this odd posture, I avoid eye contact 95% of the time, and I don't talk very often.
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whyme
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by whyme on Feb 10, 2009 2:09:08 GMT -5
Well, I've never had a girlfriend...I'm 19, going to college, and have no friends. It could be worse. It does seem like everything is set in place already and once I get a degree in something, that's it. Sometimes I feel like all I can do is just wait for someone to come along (someone who is female). Sometimes I don't feel like I'm ready for a relationship. Most people ignore me because I have this odd posture, I avoid eye contact 95% of the time, and I don't talk very often. I know how you feel. I have very few friends myself. I had a group of friends in high school and a lot of them came to the college I go to, but they've all found branched out and found new people to be friends with. We still talk and hang out at times, but it's nothing like we use to have. Sometimes I feel like somewhere along the way I missed a memo or something...like the whole world was in on a secret and decided to keep me out. Not in like a crazy, schizo way but in a "Why me?" kind of way (hence the name). I think that way too, maybe if I just keep being shy or "reseverved" and disappear into the background then maybe one day my knight in shining armor will rescue me and turn me into the girl I always wanted to be. Then of course, I wake up and realize this isnt the movies, this is real life, and those days of chivalry and white horses are LONG gone.... |
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Feb 10, 2009 3:48:43 GMT -5
I'm 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend...I've never even been KISSED (well, soberly that is). I used to feel left out because all my friends had boyfriends. But when I got to college, I said to myself "Don't worry, it'll happen in due time, just be patient!" Now, here I am, a junior in college and it hasn't happened yet. To ad insult to injury, my two roommates both have boyfriends who basically live with us. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them! It's just sometimes I wish I could have what they have--or something like it at least. Growing up, I was always a dreamer. Imagining what my first kiss would be like, imagining what it would feel like to hear someone say "I love you" and not doubt for one second that they truly meant it. But as I get older, reality is really setting in. I don't know what it's like to stare into a pair of eyes--knowing they belong to someone who actually cares for me. I don't know what its like to feel a pair of arms wrap around me "just 'cause." I feel like I'll never go to sleep dreaming of someone and not doubting for a second that they're dreaming of me to. I just want to experience love...but I can't even seem to get a to look twice in my direction. Sometimes I feel so alone and I can't help but cry. It doesn't happen TOO often but when it rains it pours! I don't have anyone to talk to about it because I'm a pretty shy person. I don't have many friends and the ones that I do have are so wrapped up in their own relationships that they probably wouldn't care about what I have to say (also, I'm not one to tell others my 'deepest, darkest secrets and fears'). I'm pretty closed off and now that I'm almost graduating, I don't want to be anymore. But I feel like I've dug myself a hole that I can no longer escape from! Everyone in college at this point has their set friends, set relationships, set activites and I'm just...kind of on the outside looking in, wondering why I've made myself this way. It gets bad sometimes but eh, I guess all I can do for the time being is deal, right? Hey...I hear ya, I hear ya! I relate to everything almost exactly as you said. With the exception that I've really never ever been kissed (not even intoxicated--tho I've never been drunk anyway, lol  ) and I don't have any roommates. And I'm 21. But all those feelings you expressed and your worries about not having had a relationship yet...I feel exactly the same way! And I too often feel like I'm "on the outside looking in." So you are definitely not alone. Sometimes I don't feel like I'm ready for a relationship. I'm not sure if you mean it in the same way as I feel, but I feel similar in thinking that I'm in many ways 'not ready for a relationship.' In some ways, I just feel like I have far too many problems with myself and need to improve upon myself (particularly my very low self-esteem) before getting into a relationship. As I know that the problems I have now could negatively affect such a relationship anyway. I think that way too, maybe if I just keep being shy or "reseverved" and disappear into the background then maybe one day my knight in shining armor will rescue me and turn me into the girl I always wanted to be. Then of course, I wake up and realize this isnt the movies, this is real life, and those days of chivalry and white horses are LONG gone.... I know...sad it isn't like in the movies, isn't it....some have actually aruged that DISNEY movies are the root of all relationship problems, in that they set up little girls' expectations for love and a happy ending too high. |
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Post by rukryM on Feb 10, 2009 11:30:07 GMT -5
What's worse than not having someone who loves you is someone who says he/she loves you so shallowly you can hear it's not real, those who give you shallow eye contact and those who you can be sexually intimate with but who are overall cheaters. That was basically how my first and only "relationship" was {it was actually more of a fling that escalated into something it shouldn't have become and ended sadly}.
Still, that feeling of being lonely and left outside, staring "at the crowd" sucks. There is something you can do, though, like trying to participate in more activities to meet new people. Mostly this is meant to boost your self-confidence at bit so you can start feeling better about yourself and realise that one person or one kiss is far from enough to make you truly happy. Yet at the same time we've all got that yearning and need for someone more close than just friends, both in a mental and physical way. If I were you I'd try not to think too much about your roommates' situations though it's almost beyond difficult not to.
You're still very young and you've got the chance to do something about it, you can change your life into a better one^^.
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Post by free2bemyself on Feb 11, 2009 3:47:55 GMT -5
I can relate. I'm 20 and in college. I used to have some good friends when I was younger but as I get older we just kinda go our separate ways and now I don't have any friends. It makes me sad sometimes wondering why it has to be me. Why I have no friends and can't make any new ones. I feel so left out.  |
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Post by logan546 on Feb 28, 2009 14:50:27 GMT -5
i am 33 and never had anyone. this is pathetic i know. i havent even had a smile comes toward me.
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Post by YouNeedLove on Feb 28, 2009 15:59:36 GMT -5
I used to think like that. its also possible that having a partner would do wonders for your selfesteem if you find someone who is willing to support you..
im 21 never had anyone either btw..
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Post by Max Power on Mar 8, 2009 22:56:51 GMT -5
I feel all your pain and relate.
And I win. I'm 36 and have never been kissed.
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Post by brightestdark on Mar 14, 2009 16:05:58 GMT -5
Have you tried to make any friends online on any of the friend sites? It's just that I've made a couple of good friends from online sites and if you are not good at making friends in person maybe you can make some online and then arrange to meet them and hang out. Maybe then you can go out more and you'll find someone.
I'm in my 30s and although I had boyfriends when I was younger, I haven't had one in years. It does suck so I know how you feel. I'm shy and not the best at making new friends but I have found that you can make some good friends online.
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jai
Full Member
Posts: 131
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Post by jai on Apr 8, 2009 7:09:37 GMT -5
i am 33 and never had anyone. this is pathetic i know. i havent even had a smile comes toward me. hey buddy never say that ull find someone perfect for you shy guys find the perfect shy girl! |
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Post by bleaknunhappy on Apr 8, 2009 16:53:58 GMT -5
I'm in the same boat as all of you, I'm 19 and about to graduate from college. Never been in a relationship, shit I never even went on any dates throughout my short life. In a way I've kind of taken a bitter outlook on the whole thing. I don't like socializing with very many people as I find them crude and stupid, I guess that's the shy-conceited part of my personality talking.
I really have no women in my life, but I've rationalized with that for now, I have bigger fish to fry than to be chasing some dumb broad, who will most likely leave after a couple of months and wind up banging my best friend. If there is anything I have learned its that women are human as well. But they can also be very cruel, manipulative and two-faced.
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shon
New Member
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Post by shon on Apr 11, 2009 9:15:37 GMT -5
I know exactly how you feel. i went through the same thing, even the intoxicated thing. My drinking got really bad at one point (just my way of dealing). But the kisses I had when I was intoxicated were regretful and just made me appreciate the real kisses i get now that much more. Drinking just makes you feel worse about things TRUST ME. I met my first real boyfriend when i was 19, we were drunk at the same party. But ended up having a relationship for about a year. The real love of my life who i have all the things that you mentioned in you post with, now my husband. i didn't meet until i was 22 (sober). even though it sucks waiting to meet that right person, when yo do it is truly worth the wait. hang in there, when it happens you will not stop smiling, i havent ; ) you can contact me if you ever need someone to talk to, i do know what you are feeling. read my blog too, i'm in a loving marriage but still deal with being shy. writing helps get things out. www.shonspeaks.comhappy man hunting ; ) -Shon |
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jai
Full Member
Posts: 131
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Post by jai on Apr 13, 2009 9:56:30 GMT -5
bleaknunhappy im so with you some women are so 2-faced. I had a girlfriend and with me being so shy she did most of the work but after I broke up with her (complications) she denied ever being my girlfriend to her friends! Now her friends believe her 2 faced! Because im so shy I don't know everyone so I didn't tell everyone and she knew this so thought she could save face. ARGH I hate being shy!!!!!!!!
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) and I don't have any roommates. And I'm 21.
