need advice pleeeease!

[magnumpi]

Hi

I recently came into contact with a girl I use to work with. We met roughly 5 years ago and I liked her - and she knew it. We are both pretty shy people. I did ask her out but nothing came of it.

Anyway, its a very long story which I may post sometime, but basically at the moment I have met up with her for coffee and then for lunch. We have also emailed each other alot and have texted on several occasions.

I am meeting up with her this weekend for a trip to a seaside resort.

Basically, I am working myself up a bit about it. I find it quite hard to be myself around people and may come over as being "quiet" and not the "silly", possibly cheeky person I can be. I am myself, juist very toned down. I keep thinking over and over that I'm going to be "quiet", boring and all the other negative type things.

I have no idea where we are going with this - friends or potentially more and that in itself is frustrating. I feel I could let go a bit if I knew how she felt over me. Can anyone offer any advice on how to relax when I'm with her - we do chat alot and have a fair bit in common, which is one of the main reasons I like her, and I feel fairly comfortable with her in a funny sort of way, compared to most other people. How to let go or just stop the negative thinking. I'm also a bit scared to push anything or say certain things in case she does just want friends.

Anyway, its a bit more complicated than it appears, but it would be an awfully long story otherwise....

Thanks
magnum

[Farouche]

Well... A seaside resort sounds pretty romantic to begin with, I'll start by saying! If you're sharing a room at the resort, or just going the two of you for a weekend... She juuust might like you.

You say nothing came of it when you asked her out, but what was her reaction? If she said she wasn't interested in you in that way, there's a good chance she hasn't changed her mind. In that case you can at least feel safe in the knowledge that she does like you as a friend, since she's been keeping in contact and accepting invitations to hang out. If she's said no and you press the issue again, this may convince her that you'll never be satisfied with just a platonic relationship, which could kill the friendship. If you really wouldn't be content to be just friends, then you should make a move and just accept the end of the close friendship as one potential consequence of doing what you've got to do.

If she said "yes" when you asked her out but you were both too shy to go through with it, then you'll pretty much have to push things if you ever want it to go anywhere: make flirty comments and ask about her taste in guys... Touch her hand... Invite her to do something obviously coupley or date-like and gauge her reaction.

I can't think of any special relaxation tips that would help particularly or keep you from fearing rejection from someone you have feelings for; those feelings are hard to avoid, and I think the best thing would be to just keep reminding yourself that you have to keep charging forward in spite of the doubts. But It sounds like she already likes whatever she's already seen in you, anyway, and I suspect what you need now to feel fully relaxed and open is just more time and more certainty.

I say make the decision to either let her know you like her this coming weekend, OR be permanently satisfied by (though not necessarily limited to) a platonic relationship. If you can figure out first and foremost what you personally need to do to attain some lasting peace of mind for yourself on this issue--perhaps you already know, for instance, that you need to find out if there's a chance for romance or not--it may then be easier for you to decide exactly what you should do to get to that point.

[brightestdark]

Do playful things at the seaside. Not sure what but I'm sure you can think of something. Pull her in the water or if she's lay down get some sand and squash it on her stomach or something! Take things to do like a beachball and just have fun. You'll loosen up if you have fun.

(I guess this was too late, since it's a few wks later. How did it go?)