depressed

[bleaknunhappy]

I understand how you are feeling, as I'm sure the rest of the members of this forum can relate. It is depressing watching old friends life their lives while our shyness seems to keep us in a glass box from the rest of the world. Unfortunately there is no easy cure and in order to move forward, you must put forth a great amount of effort. Many people say that shyness must be overcome but I do not agree, I think it is just understanding the mechanics of social interaction that must be learned and this can only be done through repeated social interactions. I hope things turn up well for you.

[ms_shy]

Wow I didn't know people were still replying to this....
Thank you bleaknunhappy for your response

I didn't know the holiday season could make me feel even more depressed...seeing that all the gatherings that I have been to included my friends and their significant others...ugh....made me totally bitter... X(

[bleaknunhappy]

I can relate, every single one of my roommates have girlfriends, kind of makes for a depressing mood as I am the only single one. All you can really do is not allow it to bring you down. Life is a fight for us shy folk.

[tylo]

I'm over 40 and never had a girlfriend. It just gets worse when you get older because your life has passed you by. Your youth is gone and most of the girls your age are old ladies. There comes a time when it's too late.

[tylo]

Here in the US women start aging younger than they should. Although some 40 year old women still look good. A lot of them have started aging and are starting to look old.

If you haven't already bought this film I think you would love it because it's about a japanese man falling in love with a cyborg.

I did buy this film and just watched it three days ago and I loved it.

"Cyborg she" is now one of my favorite movies.

[strawberrysweetie]

Dec 31, 2009 7:08:20 GMT -5 ms_shy said:

I didn't know the holiday season could make me feel even more depressed...seeing that all the gatherings that I have been to included my friends and their significant others...ugh....made me totally bitter... X(

yeah. I'm pretty glad the main holidays are over now. It is depressing when it seems everyone else has someone....or hearing about tons of people who are getting married soon and whatnot. And further annoying when close relatives try to bring up a conversation about your own lack of a love life. booooooooo

Dec 31, 2009 18:50:56 GMT -5 tylo said:

There comes a time when it's too late.

Only if you think that way and let it.

Jan 1, 2010 19:48:50 GMT -5 tylo said:

Here in the US women start aging younger than they should. Although some 40 year old women still look good. A lot of them have started aging and are starting to look old.

Everyone ages when they get older, no matter where you are.

[mixie]

I'm 25 and until this year I hadn't had a boyfriend. I know exactly how you're feeling because many things that you've said I've thought of myself. For a time I went into a dark funk, I wanted to meet someone, but at the same time I felt too scared to go out which is the key point in meeting someone. It was really hard. I just kept living the same routine. Go to work. Come home. Stay indoors. Sometimes yeah I would go hangout with friends, but that was only if someone asked me.

I got really tired of it. Like what msshy said "we only have one life...why spend so much time of it being unhappy and worrying about things that we cant control" I know it's hard, but try and think more positive about yourself. You sound like a really nice person. We're about the same age. You still have a lot of time to meet someone.

[ms_shy]

Thanks mixiepixy for your response

Ever since I turned 26, all Ive been thinking is "26! 26! 4 more years and you're going to be 30!!"...the older I get, the harder it is for me to meet people...
"You sound like a really nice person"....I don't know if you're directing this to me...but I think lately the bitterness has gotten the best of me and at times, I feel like im losing myself...sigh...

so what did you do differently that made you meet your boyfriend? i know this sounds like a really silly question but how does it feel like to be with someone you like?
haha I honestly cant imagine what it would be like for me to have a boyfriend...

[mixie]

Yes, I was directing "you sound like a nice person" to you. To get out of my funk, I think what really helped for me was when I moved into my new place. I hadn't been feeling too good about myself, and what I hadn't accomplished. Didn't draw, didn't read, didn't doing anything except sit around and watch tv and movies I'd seen hundred of times. Didn't have any motivation. Just felt depressed most of the time. But when I moved I told myself I had to start fresh and REALLY try. So I started trying to do all the hobbies I'd been neglecting, watched and listened to things that really inspired me and I told myself I have to go out even when I didn't want to!

It's funny because shortly after I moved my best friend asked me to go to see this band play at this venue/bar with two of her friends. Both of us really like going to shows together, usually it ends up being just us two. haha so I didn't dress up or anything, just wore what I usually wear. I had no idea who the band was so I wasn't really sure I wanted to go. (wanted to just stay inside cuz I was "tired") but I told myself I'm not doing anything else so I should go have fun and not just stay cooped up at home. Anyhoo her friend was the guy. At first I was really shy, but he carried the conversation. We ended up having a lot in common which helped a lot. Apparently my best friend was surprised at how much I was talking. haha. We ended up all hanging out again and he asked for my number.

I remember feeling dread that he might not want to date me because I hadn't had a boyfriend or had any experience. But he was really supportive. He actually felt honored that he was the first. Half the time I felt so lost lol because I had no idea what to do in the relationship, especially at the beginning. But it got better. I think when I learned to relax and just be myself I really enjoyed it so much more when I spent time with him.

We ended up breaking up recently. It was a mutual break up, but we still remain friends which is cool. Though because it was my first breakup it was still hard. When we were dating it was weird/cool to tell people that I had a boyfriend or to introduce him to my friends and coworkers as my boyfriend. Miss it. But honestly with this relationship it kinda empowered me to do more things with my life and to keep doing the things that I care about.

Sorry for my long post, but I hope that my situation helps out you a little and might inspire you. I really understand what it's like when everyone else has someone and then you end up feeling like the 3rd wheel or when people ask you "oh do you have someone?" and you're like no....I wish. Or they ask why and you're like I'm too shy..... I know it's hard to break past the barrier, but I know that you can do it!

[ms_shy]

Hi Mixie,
No no it's not long...I enjoyed reading your response

Do you mind me asking how long was your relationship with him? So would you say after this relationship you feel less shy?

Haha I don't know if "i can do it" though...i dont know if i have enough self confidence in myself...but thank you for the positivity though =)

[mixie]

We dated for 4 months. I know that's not a super long relationship. I'm glad though, that we broke it off when we did because we both left on good terms and are still able to be friends. Of course sometimes there's a little part of me that wishes that we were still together because now I have to go on the scary journey again to find someone else. @_@

I'm still shy, especially with large groups of people, but I feel that its helped me grow and want to continue to.

[tylo]

I was around 26 when I started working hard on my shyness. I took ballroom dance lessons. I got good at it and entered and won some dance competitions. Went back to school at 29 and got licensed to work in the beauty industry. Started my own business. But when it comes to making friends and finding a girlfriend none of it made any differents.

[Tal]

Well done mixie...its a nice story. You've taken that first big step.

I'm feeling like I really need to make some big changes this year. I'll be 26 in June and I just feel the pressure of my age and experience really building up. I'm more depressed than I have been before...pretty much all day every day now.

The problem is I don't even have a best friend I can hang out with. Whatever I do, I have to it alone and really I'm no good on my own. Even people online seem to be able to sense how much of a loser I am...most don't respond to my attempts at friendship. lol Even just having one good friend is a massive advantage IMO. It means you can get out there and then who knows what can happen.

[Astroruss]

Jan 11, 2010 15:34:27 GMT -5 tylo said:

I was around 26 when I started working hard on my shyness. I took ballroom dance lessons. I got good at it and entered and won some dance competitions. Went back to school at 29 and got licensed to work in the beauty industry. Started my own business. But when it comes to making friends and finding a girlfriend none of it made any differents.

Ooh, that's an excellent idea! I took some dancing lessons in high school in preparation for the prom and other various mixed-gender dancing occasions, but didn't pursue it much longer than that.

If it's not working, maybe you should try bringing your work home with you once in while.

[Astroruss]

Jan 8, 2010 13:51:28 GMT -5 mixie said:

We dated for 4 months. I know that's not a super long relationship. I'm glad though, that we broke it off when we did because we both left on good terms and are still able to be friends. Of course sometimes there's a little part of me that wishes that we were still together because now I have to go on the scary journey again to find someone else. @_@

I'm still shy, especially with large groups of people, but I feel that its helped me grow and want to continue to.

Facing groups is haerd; strength in numbers is tough to beet. Problm is, us shybies don't clump together in numbars except epherilly through the ephernet. Hmm, my spelling's not doing so well tonight . . .

Wanting to be friends with your ex-bf is fine, but take care not to think about him too much. Hang on to your memories, but don't live in them. Other men will come along; the trick is to snag them! Seriously, men like that for women to be a little obvious and eager. Jump out and hug one someday!

Or be a little less subtle. Either way is fine.