Post by christine220 on Dec 1, 2009 15:42:27 GMT -5
I live with my fiance and his 10 year old son. I just moved in about three months ago. My fiance has been saying it seems like I am never around. I am gone two nights a week (I visit my parents once a week and spend the night there on Sunday as they live 2.5 hrs away and I don't like to drive) and one night a week I am gone for work. But I am there EVERY day and 5 nights a week. I do all the laundry usually, sweep the kitchen floor, make dinner some nights, pick his son up from daycare some days (depends on if he gets home before me) and I get his son's clothes out for school, help him with his homework etc. I feel I do a lot and at least my fair share. The only thing I hate doing is the dishes, I will help out sometimes but normally my fiance does them. I feel I make his life easier by pitching in, especially doing stuff for his son.
Within the last few months some things have happened to make me feel uneasy. My fiance has lied to me three times that I've caught him. He hasn't cheated on me or anything or I would be out of there in a second. But I don't like people lying to me. It makes me not trust him. The things he lies about are so stupid. Once he was wearing a new shirt (white shirt) and I asked him if it was new and he said no it was old and he'd had it awhile. Later that day I found the receipt for the shirt laying on the table. He said it wasn't a big deal and that he just said something and wasn't thinking. That his exes would yell at him about spending money. I asked him if I have ever said anything about him spending money and he said no that I don't so that doesn't make sense that he lied to me.
Another time a friend of mine saw him at a local store around midnight (this was before we lived together). I told him my friend had seen him there and that she said she didn't think he saw her and to tell him hi. He claimed she was mistaken that he'd never been there, that on that night he'd been home ALL night. I told my friend what he'd said and she was suprised and swore it was him and told me what he'd been wearing (which is what he was wearing when he'd left that night) I told him this and he got upset and said he wasn't there and why was I still asking about it. That he'd told me and I should let it go. I couldn't let it go because it just DIDN'T make sense. I nagged him about it (I know, not good but I had to know) and he admitted he'd been there to buy a drill because he was working on a project and his drill broke and he couldn't get to sleep until it was finished. He said he was worried that if he told me he went out at midnight I'd think he was out doing something wrong. He showed me the receipt for the drill and that verified his story. Plus I had talked to him around 1am that night so I know he was home by then.
I was very upset and almost broke up with him over this. During our argumement over him lying I learned that a few months previously his friend from work had tried to set him up with his MARRIED daughter who wanted a divorce. I was shocked that some friend would try to set him up when he is engaged! I was very bothered by this and I'm leary of him hanging out with that friend. He said at the time he was unhappy because I was dragging my feet about moving in and he expressed this to the guys he works with and that guy suggested dating his daughter. Said he never met her, never talked to her and didn't even take her number and to this day she is still married. Said if he really wanted to leave me he would have and started dating her but he didn't so I shouldn't be upset about it. That he had no interest in her.
During the years my fiance and I have dated (i've known him for eight years but we've dated about five) he has always let his son sleep with him because they've only had a one bedroom apartment. Plus his son is very attached to his dad. Well I am not around a lot of kids and I love my fiance's son dearly and vice versa but he is immature for his age. He is 10, still believes in santa, is very babyish in some respects. He doesn't have many responsibilites, he cries alot if you yell at him or raise your voice, he gets upset if he doesn't get his way. Up until this year his dad had to DRESS him in the morning before school and turn on the shower/bath for him and dry him afterward. He still wants to be carried around at times. I believe this is because his dad let him sleep with him for so long. That he never really matured. So when my fiance rented a 2 bedroom house for us, I suggested that since he had his own room now that his son sleep in his own bed and my fiance agreed that it was a good idea. So all along (about 6months) I've been led to believe that my fiance's son sleeps in his own room when I'm not there.
There were a few times that I noticed things that made it seem like his son was sleeping in our bedroom when I wasn't there and sometimes I'd ask and my fiance would reassure me that ever since they'd moved into the new house his son ALWAYS slept in his own room. Another reason this is very important in my opinion is so that his son does not feel replaced by me (as if I am taking his place in his dad's life) Well about a month ago I was in his son's room getting his clothes out for the next day and I noticed that his tv was unplugged. He normally watches tv every night till he falls asleep (which is in about ten minutes) as he likes the noise to fall asleep to. I was going to my parents' for the night nad the next day I checked his tv and it was still unplugged so since he NEVER goes to bed without watching tv (and it would have been plugged back in) I asked my fiance if he turned on the tv for his son when he put him to bed and he said he did.
Very calmly I told him that I knew he was lying and I was going to ask him again and if he lied to me I was done. He admitted that his son does still sleep in our bed when I'm not there sometimes. He said it isn't a big deal. No, its not really a big deal but the big deal is that he LIED to me. I don't understand why and he can't tell me. He said he just didn't want to hear me get upset that his son was still sleeping with him. I told him my thoughts and that I feel like I don't have any of my own space at our place and that at least the bed should be my own and not his son sleeping there. He promised me that it wouldn't happen again and appologized.
I was cheated on by my ex so I am already suspicious of men. I don't think he is cheating on me but that is my biggest fear. He doesn't seem to get that him lying to me over little stupid stuff makes me worry about the big stuff. Yesterday morning we got into a fight because he had told me about a month ago (when I was gone for work for a week) that our neighbor's son had spent the night at our house. Ok no big deal. Well yesterday we were talking about something random and I said didn't John (neighbor's son) spend the night here one time and my fiance said no that none of his son's friends had spent the night. I knew this wasn't true or that my fiance had lied and told me his son's friend was spending the night (why I don't know unless he was up to something) I got upset and flipped out because I felt he was lying to me and asked why he told me that the kid did spend the night. He said well he did he just wasn't thinking about it as it is not important and that he forgot. Last night he told me after our fight he went to look at an apartment (for just him and his son) and that he will stay but I need to stop arguing with him. THat his son told him he heard us arguing the other night and doesn't like it. I agree that we need to quit arguing (we fight every few months). He said I ask to look thru his cell once a week ( true after he lied to me about stupid stuff, I want to make sure nothing weird is going on) and that he feels trapped like he can't go do what he wants. He said he sits at home because he's afraid if he goes to visit his friends (the one that tried to set him up with his daughter) I will get upset and ask him questions. He said he doesn't feel like he should have to tell me every little detail about his day. That he gets nervous that I am going to get mad at him and question him. He says he doesn't question me about where I"ve been- true but I don' t lie to him and don't have any family or friends who tried to set me up with another guy while I"m engaged!
I told him how I feel and he said he thinks being engaged is important and he would never screw it up. That he will never cheat on me and that he has no interest in anyone else. That he is happy and content except for our arguing. That he doesn't want to leave but is worried about his son since his son said he hates it when we argue. He said it is ALL up to me. That I have to change and not get upset or argue with him. That he needs to feel that he has a little freedom and that I shouldn't ask him questions when he visits his friend (I almost always ask if his friend tried to set him up with his daughter again or if his daughter was there) I know that isn't right but I'm afraid if I don't ask he won't tell me and then I'll think everything is ok when its not.
I'm just mad because HE is the one who MADE me lose trust in him by lying about the most stupid stuff. And then he says he won't do it again and he doesn't seem to keep that promise. And he acts like I'm going crazy and getting upset with him about nothing and that I just need to settle down. Of course if someone is doing something bad behind your back they don't want you askign questions. It makes it easier on them if you don't. That is what I'm thinking. But also I know if you aren't doing anything wroing, it can be annoying and exhausting to be questioned about the same things over and over and to have someone getting upset with you when you truly aren't doing anything wrong.So I don't know which my fiance falls under. I just hate being lied to and don't know what to do!
Within the last few months some things have happened to make me feel uneasy. My fiance has lied to me three times that I've caught him. He hasn't cheated on me or anything or I would be out of there in a second. But I don't like people lying to me. It makes me not trust him. The things he lies about are so stupid. Once he was wearing a new shirt (white shirt) and I asked him if it was new and he said no it was old and he'd had it awhile. Later that day I found the receipt for the shirt laying on the table. He said it wasn't a big deal and that he just said something and wasn't thinking. That his exes would yell at him about spending money. I asked him if I have ever said anything about him spending money and he said no that I don't so that doesn't make sense that he lied to me.
Another time a friend of mine saw him at a local store around midnight (this was before we lived together). I told him my friend had seen him there and that she said she didn't think he saw her and to tell him hi. He claimed she was mistaken that he'd never been there, that on that night he'd been home ALL night. I told my friend what he'd said and she was suprised and swore it was him and told me what he'd been wearing (which is what he was wearing when he'd left that night) I told him this and he got upset and said he wasn't there and why was I still asking about it. That he'd told me and I should let it go. I couldn't let it go because it just DIDN'T make sense. I nagged him about it (I know, not good but I had to know) and he admitted he'd been there to buy a drill because he was working on a project and his drill broke and he couldn't get to sleep until it was finished. He said he was worried that if he told me he went out at midnight I'd think he was out doing something wrong. He showed me the receipt for the drill and that verified his story. Plus I had talked to him around 1am that night so I know he was home by then.
I was very upset and almost broke up with him over this. During our argumement over him lying I learned that a few months previously his friend from work had tried to set him up with his MARRIED daughter who wanted a divorce. I was shocked that some friend would try to set him up when he is engaged! I was very bothered by this and I'm leary of him hanging out with that friend. He said at the time he was unhappy because I was dragging my feet about moving in and he expressed this to the guys he works with and that guy suggested dating his daughter. Said he never met her, never talked to her and didn't even take her number and to this day she is still married. Said if he really wanted to leave me he would have and started dating her but he didn't so I shouldn't be upset about it. That he had no interest in her.
During the years my fiance and I have dated (i've known him for eight years but we've dated about five) he has always let his son sleep with him because they've only had a one bedroom apartment. Plus his son is very attached to his dad. Well I am not around a lot of kids and I love my fiance's son dearly and vice versa but he is immature for his age. He is 10, still believes in santa, is very babyish in some respects. He doesn't have many responsibilites, he cries alot if you yell at him or raise your voice, he gets upset if he doesn't get his way. Up until this year his dad had to DRESS him in the morning before school and turn on the shower/bath for him and dry him afterward. He still wants to be carried around at times. I believe this is because his dad let him sleep with him for so long. That he never really matured. So when my fiance rented a 2 bedroom house for us, I suggested that since he had his own room now that his son sleep in his own bed and my fiance agreed that it was a good idea. So all along (about 6months) I've been led to believe that my fiance's son sleeps in his own room when I'm not there.
There were a few times that I noticed things that made it seem like his son was sleeping in our bedroom when I wasn't there and sometimes I'd ask and my fiance would reassure me that ever since they'd moved into the new house his son ALWAYS slept in his own room. Another reason this is very important in my opinion is so that his son does not feel replaced by me (as if I am taking his place in his dad's life) Well about a month ago I was in his son's room getting his clothes out for the next day and I noticed that his tv was unplugged. He normally watches tv every night till he falls asleep (which is in about ten minutes) as he likes the noise to fall asleep to. I was going to my parents' for the night nad the next day I checked his tv and it was still unplugged so since he NEVER goes to bed without watching tv (and it would have been plugged back in) I asked my fiance if he turned on the tv for his son when he put him to bed and he said he did.
Very calmly I told him that I knew he was lying and I was going to ask him again and if he lied to me I was done. He admitted that his son does still sleep in our bed when I'm not there sometimes. He said it isn't a big deal. No, its not really a big deal but the big deal is that he LIED to me. I don't understand why and he can't tell me. He said he just didn't want to hear me get upset that his son was still sleeping with him. I told him my thoughts and that I feel like I don't have any of my own space at our place and that at least the bed should be my own and not his son sleeping there. He promised me that it wouldn't happen again and appologized.
I was cheated on by my ex so I am already suspicious of men. I don't think he is cheating on me but that is my biggest fear. He doesn't seem to get that him lying to me over little stupid stuff makes me worry about the big stuff. Yesterday morning we got into a fight because he had told me about a month ago (when I was gone for work for a week) that our neighbor's son had spent the night at our house. Ok no big deal. Well yesterday we were talking about something random and I said didn't John (neighbor's son) spend the night here one time and my fiance said no that none of his son's friends had spent the night. I knew this wasn't true or that my fiance had lied and told me his son's friend was spending the night (why I don't know unless he was up to something) I got upset and flipped out because I felt he was lying to me and asked why he told me that the kid did spend the night. He said well he did he just wasn't thinking about it as it is not important and that he forgot. Last night he told me after our fight he went to look at an apartment (for just him and his son) and that he will stay but I need to stop arguing with him. THat his son told him he heard us arguing the other night and doesn't like it. I agree that we need to quit arguing (we fight every few months). He said I ask to look thru his cell once a week ( true after he lied to me about stupid stuff, I want to make sure nothing weird is going on) and that he feels trapped like he can't go do what he wants. He said he sits at home because he's afraid if he goes to visit his friends (the one that tried to set him up with his daughter) I will get upset and ask him questions. He said he doesn't feel like he should have to tell me every little detail about his day. That he gets nervous that I am going to get mad at him and question him. He says he doesn't question me about where I"ve been- true but I don' t lie to him and don't have any family or friends who tried to set me up with another guy while I"m engaged!
I told him how I feel and he said he thinks being engaged is important and he would never screw it up. That he will never cheat on me and that he has no interest in anyone else. That he is happy and content except for our arguing. That he doesn't want to leave but is worried about his son since his son said he hates it when we argue. He said it is ALL up to me. That I have to change and not get upset or argue with him. That he needs to feel that he has a little freedom and that I shouldn't ask him questions when he visits his friend (I almost always ask if his friend tried to set him up with his daughter again or if his daughter was there) I know that isn't right but I'm afraid if I don't ask he won't tell me and then I'll think everything is ok when its not.
I'm just mad because HE is the one who MADE me lose trust in him by lying about the most stupid stuff. And then he says he won't do it again and he doesn't seem to keep that promise. And he acts like I'm going crazy and getting upset with him about nothing and that I just need to settle down. Of course if someone is doing something bad behind your back they don't want you askign questions. It makes it easier on them if you don't. That is what I'm thinking. But also I know if you aren't doing anything wroing, it can be annoying and exhausting to be questioned about the same things over and over and to have someone getting upset with you when you truly aren't doing anything wrong.So I don't know which my fiance falls under. I just hate being lied to and don't know what to do!
