Post by bleaknunhappy on Jan 3, 2010 23:57:57 GMT -5
So I was just thinking about my life, I've been shy for all of it, it makes me depressed on all the oppurtunities I missed out on and continue to miss. I curse fate for being this way, I know it seems bitter, but I've been contemplating my shyness since I was in highschool. I am now going on 21 and have never had a girlfriend much less a group I consistently hang with outside of my roommates. If I ever become social enough to attract people to want to be with me, I will still have wasted the golden years those being my teens and probably most of my twenties. It just upsets me to see guys with a thriving social life and girlfriends and girls wanting to hookup with them. Life is a funny thing but I have no choice but to keep soldiering on and hope for the best.
Same. It's very, hard to knock yourself out of it as well when you feel so negative/depressed.
I've been feeling low in myself for a long time (years) and only over the past year did I start actually browsing forums to find other people like myself that I could exchange thoughts with. This in itself helps me personally because I feel like I'm not alone at least.
But lately rather than just chatting and reading general posts I've been looking more into the self help, advice, ways I can actually fight the problem, train myself. Alot of it is about thinking posative and CBT in some form or another, self affirmation things. Really I'm trying to move on and improve what I have. A year ago I would never have said you always have at least something.
A good hang out for shy people is of course...online, so if you are lonely socially maybe you can find a social network or support group in your area or join a dating website, there's even one's for shy people in general/SA/depression/other mental illnesses. I haven't found any groups yet but there's always the hope...which is a posative thing.
Post by SHY: Should He Yell on Feb 8, 2010 19:40:31 GMT -5
You're not alone! I feel the same way. I think there were so many opportunities for either friendship but maybe a GF. I think I'm better overall with self-esteem but when it comes to girls I'm terrible. I'm one of those who has lots of female friends which is fine but it says that's all I can do. So I have low self-esteem with that. But working on it!!
Anyway, don't or try not to dwell on past and what you haven't done. It takes away the energy and effort to change or whatever for the future. Not to say forget about the past but learn from it. Think of situations where you might have missed an opportunity and say well what could I do differently. Its a process and takes time. Especially if your shy.
you're only 21. You have time. I'm 7 years older and I haven't had a girlfriend and I know its me but girls can be, well...you know. Don't tell them I said that lol.
i agree with shy: should he yell? don't dwell on unfinished tasks of the past. I have done that, and like he said, it just wastes energy and causes or increases guilt.
just take it day by day. it takes time.
maybe think what are your strengths and BUILD on them; even if it is something small, like putting a puzzle together. Anything that will give you a sense of accomplishment. When I get in a depression or a rut, maybe not that day, but I start cleaning around my place, even just one small area; and it gives me a little boost. So whatever your niche or talent is, go for it. I mean, when you're feeling a little better. I know that it is very difficult to muster the strengh sometimes even to get out of bed when one is depressed. Sometimes also just taking a bath or shower makes one feel better. I find when I'm down, and I go take a bath, after I'm all dried off, I feel so fresh, and it makes me feel better. Sometimes I read. If you like to read, sometimes a good book can take you into another world and your mind off your troubles/worries.
I know these cited ideas above can sound maybe rather trite, they definitely sound different than what the others have said. It's just for me I find doing some of these physical things makes me feel better about myself; and less prone to dwell on the other things, like shyness or loneliness.
Hang in there and keep fightin' the fight and don't give up you're worth it . Everybody is.
Post by jessibell55 on Feb 16, 2010 3:29:53 GMT -5
I think that you guys who are having really detrimental effects in your life from being shy should consider Cognitive Therapy. I know how it sounds but I promise, it really helps. And you can listen to tapes on your own if your not willing to go to a therapist (i know i never was). It really does help.
cognitive behavioral therapy is really good and will only help you instead of stopping you in your tracks..so give that a try if you can. Also, even though you missed out on all those opportunities, you still have infinite opportunities to go so don't feel depressed about it. One thing i always remind myself is that the world is a gigantic and beautiful place that is filled with so much life, just look at nature or whats left of it and you will realize how BIG life is. i don't know exactly about your situation but it is fixable if you keep believing in yourself dont doubt
Last Edit: Jul 18, 2012 16:12:56 GMT -5 by madio92
I know exactly how you feel, if i get what i want in life i feel i still might be pissed off and jealous of others because i have'nt had the life i could have had if only i wasn't shy. All the girls that fancied me and wanted to get with me but dissmissed me more or less straight away, that realy messed me up, not just that, there was other things l missed out on, but shyness with girls was and still is my main problem. I'm not deppressed about it anymore though, which obviosly is great, my deppression turned into anger then aventualy i calmed down.