Men: Why Do Good Guys "Joke" In The Beginning?

[soulelectroluv]

This guy that I'm talking to now is a good guy, i.e. shy, doesn't "get around", etc.
Anyways, we were on the phone talking about these two famous relationship advisors and I was telling him how I really liked this one lady thats an advisor.
I went on to say how entertaining she was, how she used to "get around the block" with both men and women, etc.

The "good guy" on the phone said "Ooooh, I like that, I can deal with that" and blah blah. I was waiting the opportunity to come up agian because last time we were on the phone I got silent and didn't react to his immaturity.

This time it really pissed me off, we've only been talking for a couple of weeks now and I just understand the "jokes" at the beginning of the courting process. He apologized and said that he really does like me and I should just take it as a joke.
This guy is always complaining how most women want guys with money and I let him know that it does hurt me when he jokes like that and that its like me saying that I would rather deal with someone with a lot of money.
Then I said I live in area where there are wealthy men/women and if thats what I wanted I would not be talking to him and that I liked him too.
Its never been about money with me!
After that I think it finally sunk in and it got silent over the phone.

Anyways, why do guys joke around like this?

[Scotty]

I'm a little confused by your post. Are you annoyed that he jokes around too much, or just about the kind of things he jokes about? Could it be that he just has a different sense of humor than you? Sorry if I'm missing your point.

[Crashtastic]

My guess is that he doesn't mean such statements to be directed at you specifically. Some of the guys I've dated have joked in a similar way, that you've described. My interpretation of such statements is that they are said as almost a mockery of the stereotypical gender expectations. Male - "Mmm, sex."; Women - "Mmm, money." It's possible that my interpretation may also be a reflection of my own sense of humor lol

Though it also makes me think of one particular ex who would say things like that and it came across as joking in an insecure/resentful sort of way...I suppose it depends on the tone?

But! What matters is that you take offensive to it. Regardless of why he says these things, they aren't sitting well with you. Is this sort of joking causing you to question your intention for a romantic relationship with him?...or is there any romantic intention? Sometimes I read into things more than they should be, so tell me if I'm way off! lol

[soulelectroluv]

Dec 28, 2010 20:01:07 GMT -5 Scotty said:

I'm a little confused by your post. Are you annoyed that he jokes around too much, or just about the kind of things he jokes about? Could it be that he just has a different sense of humor than you? Sorry if I'm missing your point.

It is mainly what he jokes about, he called me yesterday and left me a long apology on my voicemail.

[soulelectroluv]

Dec 28, 2010 21:25:16 GMT -5 Crashtastic said:

My guess is that he doesn't mean such statements to be directed at you specifically. Some of the guys I've dated have joked in a similar way, that you've described. My interpretation of such statements is that they are said as almost a mockery of the stereotypical gender expectations. Male - "Mmm, sex."; Women - "Mmm, money." It's possible that my interpretation may also be a reflection of my own sense of humor lol

Though it also makes me think of one particular ex who would say things like that and it came across as joking in an insecure/resentful sort of way...I suppose it depends on the tone?

But! What matters is that you take offensive to it. Regardless of why he says these things, they aren't sitting well with you. Is this sort of joking causing you to question your intention for a romantic relationship with him?...or is there any romantic intention? Sometimes I read into things more than they should be, so tell me if I'm way off! lol

No, you didn't read into to much. You seem to understand what I meant...I have not spoken with him today but I will call him tomorrow.

[Tal]

It may be that your sense of humours are both very different. IMO sharing a similar sense of humour is very important for a relationship or friendship - possibly the most important thing.

Personally I'd probably say similar things or make similar jokes to this guy, but then I like to make jokes about everything. I'm sure there's plenty of women out there who do too, so its not just a guy thing. I think Crash is right though that the tone of the conversation is important and we can't gauge that.

If he's joking about cheating then maybe he's not ready for a relationship, but if its other kinds of jokes that aren't going down well then maybe you're a bit too serious for him.