I've started my SOCIAL journey for friends

[peterseter3]

Hey guys. i started yesterday.
I've decided i'm gonna start doing something.

So i'm starting to try to talk to people outside. Yesterday for practice i entered some stores just to try. and i made little bit of questions/conversation/statements.
Then went to a restaurant and just went in to buy something and the clerk was nice and i talked to her.

Then i said hi to some people..although they didn't say hi bback.
Then I went to the bus stop just to see if i could find someone. there was a close call but it seemed the lady was busy. so i didn't bother.

Then another thing i'm planning is joining the Sunday dance class. or at least just go sometimes. I called for info today.

Then i also responded to some ad in craiglist for helping some people with language . she charges but not too bad.. at least it's just 14 dollars per hour. i'll just try it.

and also made a post myself offering help to people. hopefully someone answers.

And i'm gonna just start looking at the local events page in the local newspaper(they have online version too) and join anything.

What do you guys think?
I'm the shyest persno ever, plus i'm a baaaad speaker cause i have some speaking disability but i just wanna try. i'm getting old and i aint got no friends

[Paper]

Good idea to try stuff like this. I'd be interested to know of anything that yields results.

[peterseter3]

paper. thanks. And this does get results cause you're just trying out different stuff. Like i emaled that girl that teaches language and she emailed back and we're gonna meet soon. She seems nice.

Then dance lessons is great. i went there long time ago before. you should try it.

[gals]

Jan 23, 2011 14:12:57 GMT -5 peterseter3 said:

What do you guys think?
I'm the shyest persno ever, plus i'm a baaaad speaker cause i have some speaking disability but i just wanna try. i'm getting old and i aint got no friends

Wow, good for you peter! I mean, as you said that being the shyest person ever, that's quite a huge feat indeed! Bravo!

I'm also shy myself and I can't even do those things you did. Like saying hi to others (I guess random people you don't even know, am I right?) wow, at least that's a good try, I wish I can be that brave!

Just don't give up.

For me, you're not the shyest person anymore.

[smur1]

Good for you Peter. It's good to see your positive energy. It's an inspiration to all of us. Keep it up.

May I also suggest joining your local Toastmasters group? The group I joined briefly before I moved was really helpful in boosting my confidence. You mentioned that you're a bad speaker and that's exactly what Toastmasters is for. The group I was with set me up with a mentor (an older member who helps you navigate your first few months) and they are all very positive to try to help each other out. To be honest it's almost like a support group, but instead of focusing on smoking or alcohol they help with speaking. Just a suggestion. Good Luck

[peterseter3]

Thanks all.
today after work i went oiut again just to walk outside.. and to see if i could see people to say hi to.

Many passed by me as i walked and they walked the oppposite way,, and i kept my head up .. tried to smile and make eye contact and say hi.. I notice mmmmaaaaany people don't make eye contact. It's like they're shy too.

Seems many people only talk and socialize with their friends but are actually shy too.

Well anyways i kept doing that and i managed to get eye contact with like 5 people and i said HI to them. hehehhe.
Then yesterday i faked that i didn't know the time and i asked one girl that was waiting for the bus. I just went to the bus place to try to practice saying hi etc...

So i aske her and she answer me. she seemed shy. Anyways but then i made a booboo...cause i had my cellphone(which has the time) and then i forgot she was there and i pulled it out.. oh oh.
she could've found out that i faked not having the time..and i actually had my phone with me. but i dont think she saw me when i looked at the phone and also she wouldn't care.. she was afraid of me.

But she was nice anyways.

What else...mmmm.......yeah today after work i went walking and went inside a second handsore although i knew i didn't need/want to go but i just went to see if some socialization could happen.

at work i made more conversation with a guy at work . usually i don't talk at all. i just do my work.

And i'm gonna meet that language girl on friday. I told yesterday in an email that i'm not the typical loud american. that i'm quiet and asked her if that's ok and she said yes.

BTW. Yesterday i went to my doctor for my medical problems. took 1.5 hours. usually doctors dn't spend this much with people but usulaly when i go, i ask him about all my problems( which are from head to toe) so it takes time.

So at the end i slipped in a question about my social life and how i'm lonely etc. and he also said that it's a good idea to just walk outside and say hi to people like I'm doing! And i told him about how it's soo hard nowadays because dumb people just put their ipods on...and he said it's their fault. they're the ones who are antisocial even though they might be talkers.

and yeah. that's true.

[peterseter3]

Guys. I'm back. Today is Sunday here Jan 30, 2011

I went out again. And there was some success. No friends yet but i tried talking to anyone.

Let me tell you what i did today

1. Went to shopping center, went to bus stop. There was a girl i wanted to approach but she had both IPOD earthings AND was talking on the phone at the same time. So i gave up. Other people came t to the bus stop i smiled and said hi and interestingly i'm the one saying hi and making eye contact, no one else is doing it on me. Seems everyone is shy.. they only talk to people they know.

2. So i didn't have much luck there, went back to the shopping center where there was actually an outside market going on...and there was a live 3 piece band playing. Sat down and listend for a while. had my head looking up not looking down shyly. Nobody appraoched me or anything but still it was nice

3. Then i went back to the bus stop to see if i could have another chance. There was a guy, i asked him the time. he told me but he was really soft when saying it. like he was shy. there wasn't much more so i left

3b. WEnt to the bookstore on the other shopping center. Bought a book about SMALL TALK because it was really good and interesting. I've seen other SMALL TALK/HOW TO TALK books before but they were really scientific and with all these illustrations about IN GROUP/OUT GROUP and alot of complexity but this one is easy and has the same stuff but in a simpler concise form.
I bought it, it was 16 dollars^_^ I'll be using it alot now because i'm actually now doing stuff as you have seen.

4. Then went to another shopping center at another place in town. went into a store and asked for Egg roll wrappers.

5. Went walking just to see if i could see people to talk to. Saw some people, smiled, and said hi.
One lady was walking alongside me, she was in that same store.. I said hi and how are you. Then i remembered from the book i bought that it said to MAKE A nice comment on something you see of the other person. She had a baby in a baby stroller so i said "nice baby you have there".

6. Then i walked more and saw this Korean girl and she was at an intersection but wasn't crossing. I asked her for the time just to open up alittle conversation . she showed me her phone. i asked her which was the time.. cause it was a korean phone and i couldn't find the time so she told me. Then i asked her if she was from around here? I knew she possibly wasn't but i just said it cause i didn't know what else to say. She said she's not from here , she'was waiting for her homestay parents. She said she was lost.

I felt sad and ideas started popping out to try to help her even give her a ride...but i knew that was probably not a good idea cause then i would be seen as a kidnapper or whatever and she would probably be afraid of me. So i asked her where she was going. and she told me, but i just said "ok good luck" . She was really nice i wanted to talk to her more but i knew she would not be comfortable with a random stranger.

7. Then i went to another supermarkert center pharmacy in another part of town.
Again, i recalled the name of the book i bought "SMALL TALK" and i remembered what i read from the book and it said "Don't wait ..you have to be the one that initiates" so i just did it.
There was an old lady and she was behind me in line. i said HI. she said she wanted to find Sugarless candy and reached over in the area behind me and found them. Then i said "Sugarless huh?" she said yes..something about being artificial.. etc. I said "Are they good?" she said yes. and then we said a few more things and then that's it.
But although this has been like one of my only times in my life i did small talk. so i was proud!!!!

Then i was gonna go to the Dance school but i remmbered i haven't bought or found my old dance shoes and they told me(when i called) that we need Leather sole shoes so i decided not to go today.
*****
Anyways guys. It was great. I"m just starting to say HI and smile to many people. although hot girls are still scary for me because they never seem to look at me and they're just s cary^^ and also, they seem to always be with a friend or group.

[angellight]

That's great news! I was worn out just reading all the things you are doing to increase your opportunities :-) well done you!!

I am finding it less daunting making friends, but find I find instead that I have no shortage of opportunities but have difficulty meeting friends I am on the same wavelength ..as I can't pretend to enjoy the company of people I don't, for the sake of it + I am not picky either.. I know that may sound snobby, but seriously, I just want to meet and spend time with people who are patient and kind, want to understand and know me better not make assumptions about the kind of person I am when they detect I am shy.

I find it difficult to find `keepers' - people I can stay friends with.. I meet lovely people quite a bit as it happens but they are people who are always emigrating or here on study or a holiday, then they don't have enough time to develp the friendship further and I always feel gutted they are leaving and ask God: why have all my friendships worked out this way? I have accepted those losses and have moved on, but I feel more positive now that this will change soon - it has to! - so that, like you Peter, with more involvement in activities I really love, I will naturally make friends who not only share my interests but friends who I am definately on the same wavelength as.. I admit to being a bit out of practise after so many of my fallen away friends who went away overseas shortly after I met them, but I hope that as a shy person the more activities I do that I love the more relaxed I will be in the company of like-minded people, and hopefully this change things going forward for the better for me.

[peterseter3]

Hey angellight. you are kind of like me. I also find friends who are here on study and are foreigners.

In fact, i just wanted to say that yesterday i went out with the intention of finding a new foreign friend. AND I DID!!!
Then today i went out too after work and i Found another one!!!!

The one i met today was a nice beautiful girl and she was so happy to meet me and we exchanged phone/email and facebook(well i do't have facebook but she said "please make facebook a ccount" hehehe)

And we're gonna go out. I have until december because that's when she returns to her country.

Man, why are foreign friends so easy for me. Not all. For example i can never make friends with loud europeans or brazilianns. I usually just make friends with quiet/nice korean, japanese girls. They're so nice and i can make friends with them easy. Maybe cause i'm a nice person and i'm soft personality. usually loud people think i'm weak and crap but the asian quiet girls are so nice to me and accept me.

Anyways, i have a new friend. Wish me luck

[brightestdark]

Hey peter,

I'm impressed with how much you've done. It is great that you've made such an effort to talk to people. You seem to be doing well. One thing I'd say is that I think a lot of people do think it's weird with people they don't know say hi to them in the street or in town. I have had guys walk past me and say hi and I just think 'wtf?' and think they're weird for wanting to say hi. But maybe that's me because I'm shy. I think it would be better to find people to talk to in places where you share the same interest... maybe some club or something. I do think you should join facebook as that is a better way to make new friends than by saying hi to strangers in the street. Search for people who live in your town and send them a message saying 'hope you don't mind if I add you since you live in *my town* too'. It's then easy to post status comments and get to know people online - then maybe when you know them enough you can see if they want to meet up.

BTW, I also have a couple of Japanese friends. Japanese people seem like really nice people.

[peterseter3]

Japanese people are not all nice. they're mean and lie always. The girls. For example, i met one at a bus stop, she seemed nice.. had great conversation and then i asked her if she wanted to keep in touch and she said yes. she even asked me for her name. i wrote it.. even my last name cause she asked. Then "yeah. we'll keep in touch!!" she said and it was all a lie. They always do that. She finally mailed me like 3 weeks later and said this "Sorry i can't email men i can't talk to men. I have a boyfriend'

And all this time i had been like looking for her and really worried cause I thought she was genuine and really wanted a friendship. I even thought I made a mistake when writing my email and phone in the piece of paper she gave me. I was thinking "oh youre sooo stupid!! why the *** didn't you check what you wrote"

And just one week ago i met another one and she also said she wanted to be friends and lied and never contacted me again. I read in some sites that those girls do this alot. THey don't want to really talk to strangers, they just say they do but it's not true.

ANyways, so after that sadness happened. i haven't been doing much. I still have a friend who returned to her country and she said she would come back next month. Hopefully is true. Then, pretty much i haven't done nothing lately. i've been feeling depressed cause at work, i may lose my job or something.

But so i decided to try facebook, as you said.
That thing sucks.. but sometimes it works. you just have to be lucky. Maybe i should try contacting more people but there's so many i really don't know who to contact.

But i mailed this girl, and she was foreigner but it said she was livingi n my city as a student. And she answered!! So far we've mailed a few times and she's nice to me. And she seems to enjoy. However she's 18!!!!!!

I"m an old geezer. hehehe. in my 30s.
But anyways, i'm friendly. And i'm not planning her to be GF or nothing so she doesn't need to worry.

But there's one little thing that i found out!!! In her facebook, the girl that ignored me before and said the thing about her boyfriend... She's in her friends list!!!!!

that's kind of scary and funny at the same time. I don't want to be introduced to her if we ever meet cause that would feel sad and she would hate me too.

[missklew]

Have you tried joining this place?

www.meetup.com/

[peterseter3]

Okay I'm back.

Today i went out for job search and i'm depressed as you know, cause i'm unemployed. But suddenly as i was driving I saw a girl in the bus stop. She was pretty and looked like friendly.

So i parked the car somewhere and faked that i was going to wait for the bus. Sat next toher and talked to her

It was awesome. we had a great conversation. And we exchanged contact info.
Hopefully she'll keep in touch but mmm , i think she said she parties so it's kinda not much chance she will like me if she already goes to clubs and parties and meets hot guys there.

[allisonn]

Wow! This is awesome! Look at all the success you're having by putting yourself out there That's great that you talked to a girl and got her info. Don't jump ahead in thinking you don't have a chance.. just because she goes to clubs and parties doesn't mean she can't be interested in you. All you know so far is she lik.es to do that kind of stuff - you don't know what type of guys she likes, or if she's had any luck when she's out and about. I say go with the flow and see how it turns out! Best of luck! Keep us updated.

p.s. I'm glad you feel proud of yourself, you should!

[peterseter3]

As always, she ignored me (Lied) and is not contacting me at all. This has happened always when i try to talk to girls in bus stops. I'm just not liked by girls it's the reality. I'm losing my courage this days cause what's the point if everyone rejects you and lies to you.

plus being unemployed makes me feel more like a loser.