Adolescent experiences/failures

[CharlotteGirl]

Does anyone else think that this perhaps screws up the long-term social progress of your life more than anything else? I mean, not really having had anything like a normal social life at all, as an adolescent. What were your adolescent experiences like?

Have posted before about feeling that my life could have been slightly better if I had gone to a different secondary school and/or been much more effective in getting out of the one I hated before it was too late. Because of all that, my social situation at (boarding) school in a remote part of the country, was mostly pretty terrible with few exceptions. Getting teased/bullied and wandering around alone nearly always etc. Have added some people from there on facebook now and have nothing against them, but at the time it was different.

When at home in the holidays, my social life was virtually non-existent. I never had any birthday parties with friends, trips out socialising, girlfriends, or anything like that at all really. Only had two primary school friends, a boy and a girl, saw them fairly infrequently. Indeed think that by the time I got to university, had got much too kind of bitter and twisted socially, which did`nt improve that experience at all.

My life since then has not been that great really, still living at home and hav`nt got a career or anything like that and so on. I`ve probably never really been socially phobic (indeed have been diagnosed as NOT having social anxiety, but elements of generalised anxiety disorder). Strictly speaking, I`ve probably become quite a bit less shy now, being 31. There`s always the feeling though that it could have been achieved more easily, and above all that an important part of life has been missed out for ever.

[Scotty]

I guess this could be true of me. I lived in a rural area, five miles from the twon i went to secondary school in. I was quickly labeled the quiet one...and other than one friend who I tagged along with, I dind't have much of a social life. And like you, holidays were isolating, since I couldn't really go anywhere without getting a lift from my mum. Though of course...the lack of friends meant I had nowhere to go anyway,lol.

Of course, it's impossible to tell if things would have been better if those particular years had been. I guess it's possible I could have been more social now...but i'm pretty okay with who I am right now (for the most part). Also, some happen for a reason...or at least they can benefit you if you look at it right. My lack of social connections meant I didn't really have anything to leave behind when I moved to the states...no one to really miss.

Also, if I want to stretch it a bit, I could be glad that I wasn't outgoing anything that I went out to parties and clubs, got obessed with drinking and done stupid life ruining stuff like crash a car and kill myself, or got a girl pregnant, etc etc. But as I said...stretching.

[1229]

I think it can to a certain point. I was really shy as a kid and went through what I like to think of as eras of friends and then eras without friends. Each era without friends usually lasting a couple of years and each era with friends lasting 2 years at best. When I look back now, I don't know how I got through it. I guess, I just didn't have a choice.

I'm sure lack of a social life as a teen played big role in lack of a social life today. But having said that, I think I'm a lot more outgoing (for me anyway) than I used to be. The issue with me is that I either "click" with someone or I don't. It's rare for me to find that click, but when I do, I'm so much more relaxed and outgoing. I don't think I realized that as a kid. I just couldn't bring myself to approach a group of peers. Even when they invited me to join the group, I still couldn't bring myself to speak unless spoken to. And that didn't work out. Who wants to hang out with someone who doesn't talk? (Okay, maybe we do, but at a certain point we'd still need to be able to relax and talk to each other.)

[Grayback]

Yeah, I think that lack of a social life ( or a very limited one ) during adolescence can really leave deep wounds in your adult life.

I only had one "friend" during my high school years and he did not even go in the same school than I so most of the time, I was alone. I sometimes wish things would have happened differently and perhaps I would be less f*cked up than I am but with Maybe and Perhaps, you could build whole worlds.

I also feel like I've missed an important part of my life, I never did the things normal teenagers did ( flirting, socializing, going to movies,... ) and, while I might not have been cut out for such activities in the first place, since I never tried, I'll never know.

[Karen]

May 13, 2011 13:26:43 GMT -5 Grayback said:

but with Maybe and Perhaps, you could build whole worlds.

I love that.


I also never did the "normal" things teenagers or adolescences did. I think the lack of socializing when I was young definitely plays a role in my inability to really socialize now.

[ura]

I missed out also on many oppurtunities but at least I had some great friends (and still have them) in secondary school which made life much better however I am quite inexperienced for my age (21) and in college I never really made any great friends or people who I will likely stay in contact with and now I feel very immature in some ways compared to everybody.

[lostmyself]

I think socialising just comes naturally for a lot of people because it's what they're used to. I spent most of my time at school on my own and I think this contributed to me not really being comfortable or knowing how to socialise with people.

I don't think it's something we should dwell on too much though. I know you feel a big part of your life has passed you by but you still have a lot to go. I'm 27 and have never had a career either which is something I feel I really want to change, I don't want another part of my life to pass me by.

[Audio the obscure]

I was expecting something alittle different in this thread so I may not be answering it in the right way (just thought I'd warn ya beforehand, lol).

My adolescent experiences/failures.

Well I can name two:

At 14, I tried out for the girls' basketball team, and didn't make it. They had us doing all these running drills and I was way out of shape. Skinny, but not fit, lol. The guys were in the bleachers watching, and I hated having to quit in front of them, but my lungs were on fire, and I couldn't keep running.

Also at 14, I had heard they were hiring at the fish plant (where I used to live was a fishing community, and the majority of the jobs were in the fish factory packing fish), and a girl in my class worked overnight, then went to school in the morning. Anyway, I thought: well she got hired, and we're similar in age, so I decided to go try to get a job too. But when I went in to see the hiring guy, he asked me if I had a work permit, and of course I did not. So he told me he could not hire me. I was devastated. There were some teen guys hanging out around outside, perhaps waiting their turn to see the hiring guy. I knew them, they knew me. So I put on this sort of "fake face" because I didn't want them to see how disappointed I was, that I didn't get hired to work in the fish plant:(.

I think my sociophobia and all the rest of it partially stems from this last one. The basketball failure was because I was out of shape. But my job failure was something I couldn't do anything about at the time. It was easier for me to recover from the sports failure, than the job failure. It still haunts my low self esteem to this day many years later.

I went to one school dance grade 7 and my mum came with me. I think it was just the one school dance as far as I can remember.
Grade 8-10 I didn't go to one school dance. It was at another school in which every day I had to take the school bus. So maybe I figured I didn't want to bother my dad to drive me to and from the school or something. I stayed home Friday nights and read comic books and listened to rock and roll on the radio, and ate ice cream, bananas, covered with nestle's quick .

I would have liked to have been invited to a girls' slumber party when I was a teenager; and of course never was.

(This is somewhat earlier than teens, so pls bear with me): I think I was in grade 4 or 5 I went to a birthday party of a girl who was living on the same street I lived on. But she hadn't invited me. My mum was friends with one of her parents, so that's how I got to be over there. I wish I had just stayed home. Because the girl and her friends all ignored me. I can understand why, NOW, but back then I was so confused and hurt as to why they kept on snubbing me all the time I was there. I couldn't wait to go home. Of course they were snubbing me because they hadn't invited me in the first place. So many things my mum just butted in FOR me, and I think it just made things a lot worse in my childhood and teens all around (overall). She was WAY too overprotective of me, especially SOCIALLY, and I never learned to fight my own social battles. It still is an enemy of mine to this day.

There's probably more "failures" of my adolescent years. Maybe I'll remember and post (or add to this post) at a later date.