mlt38
New Member
Posts: 6
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Post by mlt38 on Jun 2, 2011 9:54:52 GMT -5
Hello everybody,
I can't really explain what I'm thinking but I'll say it anyway. I watch people, perfect strangers, interact with each other and it seems so free and natural. But with me, it's so awkward. I mean, some people I can talk openly and freely, but others I have a hard time because I just don't feel right with them.
I grew up in a dysfunctional home and with my upbringing, I have a hard time talking to men without in the back of my mind thinking "I hope he doesn't think I like him (in a sexual way)."
Anybody feel this way?
Thanks,
mlt38
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Post by Karen on Jun 2, 2011 12:08:36 GMT -5
I can completely relate with everything you've said here, I am sometimes amazed by the way people seem so relaxed and comfortable with each other. I never (or very, very rarely) feel like that.
I don't really have any advice. I can only say, your certainly not alone in this.
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Post by marle on Jun 2, 2011 16:24:35 GMT -5
People at my work talk so comfortably with each other like they're life-long friends or something. Some of them haven't been there more than 9 months longer than me. I have no idea why most of them are like that and why it even gets to that point. It all happens a couple feet away from me, every day. 99.9% of the time it would never occur to me to say anything to them other than something work task-related. I must seem like an alien to a lot of them.
Don't have any advice either, sorry.
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Post by missklew on Jun 3, 2011 17:55:59 GMT -5
I don't talk to strange men in public. I used to try but seriously they really do think you are interested in them by just smiling and saying hello. There really is no reason to try to befriend strangers.
Join something on meetup dot com and there you can meet people and talk with them. join an activity or sport, same thing.
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Post by missklew on Jun 3, 2011 18:06:45 GMT -5
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1229
Full Member
Posts: 182
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Post by 1229 on Jun 4, 2011 18:21:43 GMT -5
I see that a lot at my work too. It doesn't bother me though. I'm not really a fan of most of my co-workers. I mean they're okay, but I wouldn't choose to associate with them. I'm just there to do my job and go home.
mlt38--do you ever meet people that you can talk to? For me it's rare, but there are some people that I just click with more than others.
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Post by marle on Jun 4, 2011 19:17:39 GMT -5
I'm OK with not being friends with my co-workers, but I feel some of the pressure to "fit in" because I'm surrounded by it all the time.
I'm trying to think of metaphors to describe my experience, but it's hard to without sounding like a jack*ss. Everybody else seems so energetic and interested in what everyone else is saying (or they're good at pretending). Being quiet, the people most likely to interface with me are the extroverts, and they tend to make the most asinine comments. I'm not trying to actually equate anyone with children, but it's somewhat like being surrounded by hyperactive children who occasionally like to tug at you, but it's not as cute. I always respond nicely though, I just want to get through the day peacefully.
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Post by missklew on Jun 5, 2011 0:33:39 GMT -5
what type of work do you do?
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Post by marle on Jun 5, 2011 12:14:52 GMT -5
missklew, was that question for me?
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Post by missklew on Jun 5, 2011 17:29:09 GMT -5
missklew, was that question for me? yes |
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Post by marle on Jun 5, 2011 18:01:01 GMT -5
I work in IT, doing system configuration management of sorts. There are several other people doing the same thing I am. The people who I find the most irritating aren't the ones in my 'inner group', thank goodness. But there are many other people who go through our space and sometimes hang around.
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Post by missklew on Jun 5, 2011 20:14:36 GMT -5
I work in IT, doing system configuration management of sorts. There are several other people doing the same thing I am. The people who I find the most irritating aren't the ones in my 'inner group', thank goodness. But there are many other people who go through our space and sometimes hang around. I guess it depends on the culture of your work place. I think most of the time people are pretending so they will be seen as social and team players and make a good impression to the higher ups. I've been in IT for years. I often wonder about the work place friendships as it seems the people who seemed to be best friends at work and even socialized outside of work, most of the time when one leaves, they don't keep in touch. I guess it depends on if you are trying to move up the career ladder and stay at that company. If you are then join in the small talk and find out what they are talking about and join in. Like I know my boss watches master chef so even though I don't like the show, I watch so I can join in and talk about it. It seems the best socially at work get the best assignments and promotions over those who are quiet and are better at the actual job. If anyone has noticed it being different than the way I am saying, feel free to correct me. Where I work, there are a lot of foreign people coming in and they seem to think that the more degrees and skills they have the further they get and they don't get ahead. They reason is their poor English and social skills. Anyway just some observations. I wouldn't count on work to make friends. |
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Post by marle on Jun 12, 2011 15:44:46 GMT -5
Sorry, I've been away from the boards for awhile... While I do feel the pressure to chat with coworkers, I certainly don't expect to make friends. I just don't have the desire or ability to make much small talk. I know that I *should* because in some small way it will help the security of my job. I'm certainly not looking to move up. I guess I was just venting. My coworkers' friendships may be confined to the workplace, but they are certainly very friendly with each other. Most people are such social creatures. They constantly make time during work to talk about little things to people who happen to be around at the time. It's just what they enjoy doing.
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Post by Stranger on Jun 12, 2011 21:23:05 GMT -5
I often wonder about the work place friendships as it seems the people who seemed to be best friends at work and even socialized outside of work, most of the time when one leaves, they don't keep in touch. I guess it depends on if you are trying to move up the career ladder and stay at that company. If you are then join in the small talk and find out what they are talking about and join in. Like I know my boss watches master chef so even though I don't like the show, I watch so I can join in and talk about it. It seems the best socially at work get the best assignments and promotions over those who are quiet and are better at the actual job. If anyone has noticed it being different than the way I am saying, feel free to correct me. My experiences haven't quite been the same. Maybe it's because I've mostly worked at smaller companies where there's generally less bullshit to cut through, and it's probably less attractive to the types of people you mention. The place I'm at now is kinda transitioning into a big company, but the people that were there around the time I started mostly had genuine friendships and did keep in touch once they left. I do wish I was more socially competent, because I'm sure I'd be better friends with them too. Similar story with the last place I worked. I guess it's just different everywhere. |
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Post by jacoboram126 on Jul 4, 2011 7:35:50 GMT -5
the only friend that I'm totally natural with is my best friend from childhood and I'm completely honest with him. I have a lot of close friends but still I'm not completely natural to them.
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