So in work the other day, i had the assistant manager say infront of 4 other people "why you so quiet" my responce" don't know". what the hell are you meant to say back to that anyway! ... Anyway then when he said this there were the 2 silly boys laughing at it in the corner( in my opinion that is like bullying!) this made me feel so terrible and really upset had to fight back the tears. Why can't people accept that everybody is different, if we were all the same then the world would be a pretty boring place!
It's best to try and ignore them when they are like that. It's hard, but since you are always going to get that from some people, you need to find ways to put up with it and not let them get to you as much.
Also, you could try to come up with some witty/funny answers to the question "why are you quiet?".
Why not try replying to other people's threads, Rosie? That's an easy way to get involved in some conversations and get people interested in your threads.
For the record, I had been drafting a reply to this thread--a reply that disappeared (along with several other drafts of posts) when my computer had a mini-explosion. I wouldn't get too annoyed at people for not responding immediately.
farouche n. fr. 2: marked by shyness and lack of social graces
Me again! Ok, so what I was going to say is something like this...
I think mostly extroverts say things like this because we make them nervous. A lot of people are quiet when they're upset or mad, and the person talking to you doesn't know if they're pissing you off, or if you think they're overbearing, or you just don't like them. When you think about it, the extrovert is putting himself out there for everyone to judge his personality, and your quietness gives you a sort of tactical advantage: they don't know what to expect. So they use the "poke it with a stick" approach and ask a pointed question: why are you so quiet?
I used to get upset when people would say things like this to me, but when I think about it from the above point of view it's not as bad. Especially since the older you get the less vocal people tend to be about pointing out this kind of thing. Not being forced to deal with it at all sure helps, lol. But if it does bug you and it happens a lot, you're in the perfect position to do what Scotty suggested: develop a stock set of smart-ass replies. Even if you don't actually say them out loud, it might make you feel better to think it.
There are lists of these on older threads and probably other places online, but here are a few that amuse me (I can't see actually saying most of these to people who already think I'm weird):
"I thought you were doing fine without my help."
"Oh you know, I just love the sound of your voice." (hafta sell it with a grimace so they don't think you're hitting on them)
"I'm saving up for later."
"Don't mind me. I'm just judging you silently."
"Shhhh, I'm recording."
"What response will get me promoted?"
"Ever seen 'Columbo?'"
"Exercising my fifth amendment rights." (sillier coming from a Brit)
"Funny you should ask!" (and then just stare at them, smiling)
"I'm building dramatic tension."
farouche n. fr. 2: marked by shyness and lack of social graces
They're all pretty good, but I like this one the best!
Whenever someone who doesn't know me that well (usually a co-worker) asks this kind of question my response is usually something along the lines of "I'm just really quiet." And they let it go. But it's kind of funny when someone will ask me something and I'll switch into chatty 1229 mode (the only mode most family and friends know) and I snap back with something really sarcastically. It's like I can see their face process "oh, she does have a sense of humor and she has been listening." It takes a few seconds for them to register that I'm joking. It's a lot of fun!
I keep getting told off at work for talking so I'm the opposite.
Really annoyed me. This bitch supervisor saw me talking and said 'gas, gas, gas,gas' - so I replied 'we are talking about work' (we weren't but she didn't know) - what annoyed me was after having a go at me she went off and stood in the canteen with all the other staff eating toast and doing sod all for 10 minutes, while I did all the work.
Regrading the 'your quiet' remarks - when I do get them I say 'I'm a quiet person'
'Well actually I probably wouldn't, cause I've gotten pretty used to this 'saying nothing' thing and it would be weird to talk NOW when I haven't before so... Yeah nevermind '
I sometimes think this. I rarely have something to say, and when I do, I'm reluctant to say it unless it's important or very interesting. I feel like people would be paying more attention because of the novelty of me speaking.
"Meta is everywhere now. You cannot keep the truth in a box." - Anonymous
Oh my God, I hate this, too. I can't stand that no one can seem to describe me without saying 'quiet'. I think it is bullying in a way, and like all bullies, I think they are insecure and they spot a weakness so by highlighting it to everyone around them they can feel in control and better about themselves. People with self-confidence do not feel the need to do this.
What shocked me was in a job interview being told I seemed 'shy' and that 'that won't fit in at all here'. I still got the job but who does that? My job doesn't even involve interacting with anyone, certainly not customers so it wouldn't affect my ability to do the job at all if I were shy. I don't really like the term 'shy'.
Post by Sexy Spork #37 on Feb 11, 2012 5:40:15 GMT -5
Yeah, it's funny how people don't make a fuss over people's exuberance but do when they're shy, a term which I, too, am not fond of.
I've had people ask me 'why are you shy?' and I usually say, 'I'm not shy, I'm quiet'. Take a stand, that's what I say. It's better than shy. Nothing wrong with being quiet. When people describe me as shy to someone else you can just see the look of dread in their faces as they start treating you like a child.
I was in a one-on-one meeting before and the woman clicked on immediately that I was shy. She was talking normally and acting normally and when I said a quiet 'hello', you could just tell that she was thinking 'oh, I've got a shy one'. She started speaking really slowly, and enunciating, and the worst part was that she was trying to meet my eyes. I have problem with eye contact so I spent most of the time staring at the table. But she had her head sort of tilted to one side and down, and she was leaning forward trying to make eye contact. I felt so embarrassed.
Anyway, shy isn't a nice word. Better that introvert. I get that a lot. And arrogant, but that's mainly from people who don't know what arrogant means...