Post by anticrank on Dec 25, 2011 17:43:20 GMT -5
One thing I come across quite frequently is advice that says things to the effect of women don't like nice guys, women find that weak. Women want someone who's dominant. All that advice that tells you shyness is not masculine. Especially if you've not got much of a social life and the idea of getting into a relationship seems like a far-flung dream.
Now, since I am quite shy and have difficulty being assertive myself, I find all this very threatening and extremely discouraging. I am a mild-mannered individual. Acting in a forward, forceful way doesn't come naturally to me. Speaking my mind like a don't give a shit is not part of me. I do so indirectly and tactfully. I am sensitive to other people's feelings. Being polite, tactful and whatnot is part of my natural behaviour, it's part of how I was brought-up. I worry that I'll get pushed over easily, I find it EXCRUCIATINGLY difficult to stand up, especially to manipulative people. I have trouble saying 'no' sometimes. What you never here is things like 'a lot of people having difficuly with this', 'people with these difficulties do get into relationships'. The problem is that there is too much advice out there that basically says, 'you're not attractive', 'you're not dating material' you're a spineless wimp etc. Does anyone feel the same? Does anyone else feel similarly threatened or demoralised by common advice?
When people start having a dig, or commenting about my not level of assertiveness or criticizing me about it, it'll either make me feel bad, or it will piss me off and make me feel inclined to get aggressive.
Some older friends of mine have said that a lot of guys may be cocky, though not necesarily confident. Some of my older friends said that being different and being proud to be you can be attractive in itself.
It seems as if most advice out there is designed to destroy every little grain of hope from shy, inexperienced guys. So, if women want strong guys, my argument is that making guys feel bad about their not-so-hot personality traits is not going to bring out their best. I think that advice that helps shy guys acept who they are is needed, an emracing approach. After all, assertiveness and communication tends to come more naturally when we feel BETTER about ourselves, not thinking 'I need to get an A-grade at assertiveness and sponteneity before an attractive girl can like me, in the mean time I'm not good enough' which a lot of conventional bullshit advice encourages.
Now, since I am quite shy and have difficulty being assertive myself, I find all this very threatening and extremely discouraging. I am a mild-mannered individual. Acting in a forward, forceful way doesn't come naturally to me. Speaking my mind like a don't give a shit is not part of me. I do so indirectly and tactfully. I am sensitive to other people's feelings. Being polite, tactful and whatnot is part of my natural behaviour, it's part of how I was brought-up. I worry that I'll get pushed over easily, I find it EXCRUCIATINGLY difficult to stand up, especially to manipulative people. I have trouble saying 'no' sometimes. What you never here is things like 'a lot of people having difficuly with this', 'people with these difficulties do get into relationships'. The problem is that there is too much advice out there that basically says, 'you're not attractive', 'you're not dating material' you're a spineless wimp etc. Does anyone feel the same? Does anyone else feel similarly threatened or demoralised by common advice?
When people start having a dig, or commenting about my not level of assertiveness or criticizing me about it, it'll either make me feel bad, or it will piss me off and make me feel inclined to get aggressive.
Some older friends of mine have said that a lot of guys may be cocky, though not necesarily confident. Some of my older friends said that being different and being proud to be you can be attractive in itself.
It seems as if most advice out there is designed to destroy every little grain of hope from shy, inexperienced guys. So, if women want strong guys, my argument is that making guys feel bad about their not-so-hot personality traits is not going to bring out their best. I think that advice that helps shy guys acept who they are is needed, an emracing approach. After all, assertiveness and communication tends to come more naturally when we feel BETTER about ourselves, not thinking 'I need to get an A-grade at assertiveness and sponteneity before an attractive girl can like me, in the mean time I'm not good enough' which a lot of conventional bullshit advice encourages.
