|
Post by Outcast on Dec 5, 2018 3:24:33 GMT -5
I wonder if it's possible she showed it to you to 'test' you -- to see how you would respond. That, or maybe to her, "exclusively dating" implied being girlfriend/boyfriend. Personally, I don't think it was dumb of you to question your status. I'm not sure how it works...if men typically ask women to be theirs or if people just have a conversation about it in general or what. I don't think suggesting dating exclusively implies an automatic relationship and would've just assumed it meant just that. Dating, to see if a relationship was desired. Anyway, I hope it made you feel good about it. As others have said, try not to think too much into it. Enjoy the courtship. I would hope the distance thing would be discussed, if you guys plan on pursuing a long-term thing. If that's the goal, one would have to be willing to move. Knowing your own stance will help guide you when you discover what her thoughts are. Have you asked her what her future plans are? Not sure what stage in life she is in -- if she's 'settled', etc. Even then, she may not necessarily mind moving. If neither of you are willing, though, then that's a red flag. Thanks for replying Strawberry. Hmmm. She showed it to me to 'test' me and see how i would respond? Well, it is a possible i guess. She did ask me if she used the "wrong" term afterwards. Since i did think of that way too when she asked me about what my expectations were, i said she didn't get the term wrong. And i guess that how we ended up being in a relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend. When my brother and sister learned of this, they were surprised as to how fast it was that she became my girlfriend and i her boyfriend. So this made me feel a little unsure if what i'm doing is correct. Well we are indeed still getting to know each other as time goes by. I think that's also how it works when people enter into a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Nothing is really set on stone and things can still change i suppose. Still, i don't know if i can really break her heart when things don't really work out. At least the reason for a break up should not be something that may be shallow or trivial. Well that's the tricky part. Identifying what things would be reason enough to warrant such a heart breaking decision. I guess its possible if there's too many "red" flags involved in the relationship. What those "red" flags are, i am still not sure on how to go about identifying them. It feels good to be in a relationship where feelings are mutual and reciprocated. And so as others have advised, i'm trying not to think too much into it. My only misgiving about that one, is if we do that, there's a chance we might get closer or deeper in the relationship without considering the real situation involved or the sacrifice needed for the relationship to work. At this stage of her life, i think she's pretty much settled in her job there outside the city. She likes her job there and it promises to be a stable one. I, on the other hand, don't think i have a areally stable job, and my resume isn't really that impressive to give me confidence enough to find a much more stable job. I guess this is now what you call a "red" flag in the relationship. But for her at least, i don't think she minds being in such a "somewhat a little bit of a long distance relationship". I've learned that her parents were pretty much in a "long distance relationship" while she was growing up. Her father worked abroad or sometimes in the city, while her mother and the rest of the children stayed and lived outside the city. I guess these kinds of relationships do happen. I've gotten to know recently of a former officemate being married like that. She lives here with her sons and daughters while her husband works abroad and only comes home 3 to 4 times a year. They on the other hand get to visit him once a year. I'm really not sure if i can handle or truly accept being in such a relationship. In the event that things do get really serious to warrant marriage. So for now, even my sister advices me not to worry about the distance we have. But to try and get to know each other more. She said it's still early to worry about the distance thing. So ok, i guess i will know when that time comes when i can worry about it. Hehe. I don't know. So now, i'm still figuring what other things might be there for me to decide whether it's a "red" flag or a "green" flag i suppose. It's not like everything is perfect. And we agree on everything or like the same things everytime. Well a little more update on where things are. I plan on letting her see the rest of my family, like my brother and my mom this Christmas. I think she mentioned to me that she would have like to meet them, so when i asked if she would like to meet them this coming Christmas, she agreed. I mean there's nothing wrong about introducing one's girlfriend to the rest of the family right. I think that's what everyone would do eventually. And since she did talk about me being her boyfriend to her mom, the mom now wants to meet me. Her parents are now in the their city house, and i think i might need to show myself to them when we go out again this weekend. The only problem with that is that her father is known to be "not" that friendly or in her words "scary". So even she nor the mom hasn't said anything about me to her dad. She says i should be the one to tell him. I don't have the faintest idea on how to go about it. I'm sure my nervousness would be pretty obvious by then. Anyways. I think that's about it for the update. Oh i did muster enough courage to hold her hand in our last date. So....yeah. Managed to get to that part at least. Oh and one more thing. Dating every weekend is nice and all. But it can be really expensive. I don't know. I hope i can control myself and stay within a reasonable budget at least. Am i wrong to think this way? Am i being a scrooge if i think i'm spending more than i think i'm earning? Anyways, i may have hinted to her that i may be spending too much on our dates. A bad move? Hmmm. Pretty sure it was stupid of me to mention such a thing on a date. Still, i think she was able to control herself enough or be kind enough not to hate me for it. Ok. That's really it for now.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Dec 5, 2018 3:21:29 GMT -5
I would say...you were NOT in the wrong. My advice would be (if you didn't, not sure how it went)...but lead with a compliment: Ex: "Really cute photo. I prefer seeing your eyes, though, as they're so pretty." Then again, don't know if someone would take that wrong too. May be best to leave it strictly as a compliment and leave it at that when just getting to know someone. THAT said...her reaction is obviously abnormal, and she is definitely the one with the big problem if something so small bothered her so much. It's clear, at least to me, that you were trying to compliment her. Good riddance to that one. Dodged a bullet there, in my opinion. Hi Strawberry. Thanks for the reassurance and support that i did nothing wrong. I guess i did dodged a bullet there. So yeah. You guys will definitely meet all kinds of people in these dating sites.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 21, 2018 3:23:52 GMT -5
I though I posted on here a month ago, but apparently not. Anyway, I've been back at school for nearly 4 months now and at the start my worries were kind of true, with everything being changed over. It was pretty nerve wracking as I only knew people in a few of my classes. I tried my best to be 'social', but it kind of failed as I just couldn't say anything. Some people made it clear they weren't gonna talk, however a few really made an effort to do so which I really appreciated. Going to now, things are fine I know who alot of the people are now in my part of the year and I'm studying the subjects I chose for GCSE. Short side track, but I wasn't actually happy with one of the subjects I chose (psychology) and wanted to change it for ages, but because I was so nervous I didn't email the head of my year (grade for those in the USA) to sort out until yesterday, which means I have left it a little too long. Anyway, she saw me today and said to see her at the start of the day tomorrow (litteraly all she said) so I've now spent all night feeling nervous about this probably 5 minutes meeting tommrow. I'm sure it'll be fine, but what if she is angry with me or wants me to tell my psychology teacher than I don't want to take her classes any more. I have no idea what will happen. Anyway, yeah update on my life I guess lol. I think its good that you are getting to know more people now in your school. I don't know why you are worried about your meeting with the head of your year? Why would she be angry at you? Because you didn't tell her that you wanted to change one of your subjects? But since you are really unhappy with the subject, wouldn't it be best to just inform them right now so you can change it as soon as possible? I think you were planning to do it sooner or later anyway. The head of your year will just be helping you get it over with if she asks you to tell your psychology teacher that you want to change this subject your taking with her. Well, that's just my opinion and how i see the situation you were talking about. Maybe wrong though.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 21, 2018 3:14:45 GMT -5
I'm glad to hear that you're in a relationship with Rene. If I can give you any advice, it's to not spend your time overthinking and worrying about the doubts you have. I've never been in a relationship, but this is something I've done with friends before and it's for a start very time consuming and just generally bad to think about and secondly, most of the doubts you have may either turn out to be false or just insignificant. All I can say is just try not to let it worry you too much, I've done this before and let it draw me apart from friends which lead to me losing them altogether. Anyway, I hope everything turns out great for you. Thanks for sharing that advice Matthew. I will try not to think too much about it then. I have all these worries popping up in my head. I am gonna try to ignore them for the time being. Yeah, just try to go with the flow then. See if i can handle these unexpected situations that go with it.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 19, 2018 4:58:49 GMT -5
Recently Rene just showed me a text conversation between her and her mom. Wherein she told her mom that she has a boyfriend already.
Well looks like we are indeed in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Was it stupid of me to doubt or think otherwise?
Still, i'm starting to have doubts. Whether i can handle everything that's bound to come my way. Meeting her family. I mean her parents and siblings. And what if she decides to stay outside the city permanently. What can i do about that? It's not like i can go where she is and find work and a place to stay there too. Shouldn't i be thinking of these things too?
She also has a lot of friends she frequently goes out with. Sometimes i'm happy for her. But sometimes, i feel kinda down about it too.
Anyway, yeah just thinking about these things recently. Not sure how things will turn out.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 14, 2018 1:20:21 GMT -5
That seems to be good mentality, I think over-thinking things in general can be quite sour for a person, particularly in the early stages of relationships. I do overthink a lot at times. But Rene did admit that she sometimes does the same as well. I'm not really sure if i can really call myself her boyfriend. Or call her my girlfriend. Maybe i'm overthinking that part. Maybe we're just exclusively dating? It's also hard for me to think of places to go or things we could do together on a date aside from eating. Good thing she has a lot of things to share and talk about. So the conversation can still continue. Although she's an introvert and shy, she does have a lot of friends and spends time with most of them quite often it seems. So in that regard, i think she can be quite the extrovert too. Anyway that's it for now. Don't want to overthink again now.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 14, 2018 1:10:03 GMT -5
Well a person could date someone just for the sake of dating, to practice that social interaction in a public setting so it would not necessarily be that the date be physically attractive. Just saying. Having a few common interests would make for good conversation. If both have an interest in politics, for example, then they could talk about that. Or sports. Or religion. Or maybe discuss favourite books, music, movies, that sort of thing. I don't know if I'm being of any help, but I thought I'd put in a reply anyway lol. I know that usually for men there has to be (for dating toward a long term relationship) a physical attraction. It's been my experience that women are more apt to date someone less attractive if the other factors (common interests and other compatibility traits) are present. I'm not so sure it's the same with men. I believe that with men unless there is that attraction, they are not so much apt to date someone less attractive unless as I mentioned earlier, they're just dating them as friends, or for the purpose of practicing social skills, etc. With me, it's a combination of both, although in the voting thing, I clicked the "common interests" part as more important. At least with that, both parties will be able to find something mutual to discuss (politics, books, etc.) or to take part in (concert, sports game, etc.).
I hope you can find that special someone, Outcast. All the best to you!Thanks for replying sharing your thoughts,voting, and for the well wishes Audio. Yeah for me its also a combination of both. It certainly helps a lot if you have common things to talk about and share.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 13, 2018 22:28:26 GMT -5
I joined facebook last year and it is definitely not the place I would post sincere emotions on. Perhaps it's just me but I don't like putting sad or negative emotions on there for people I don't know to see, I am quite private. Conversely I don't post on facebook at all. But I don't think facebook is the right place for those emotions, I tend to confide in people I know well, I don't like other people knowing my unhappyness. Also facebooks seems like the permanently happy place where everyone's great times are stored, not the job interview misses, days getting rained or being dumped. Considering i'm a very private person myself. I think i would do the same as Ura. Haven't really posted anything in facebook for a very long time. I hear a lot about Facebook having privacy issues/complaints or whatever. So it might be well that we don't really post anything there if we wish them to be private.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 12, 2018 6:14:32 GMT -5
I joined Facebook quite a long time ago myself. Not really sure what year it was. I think i joined because most people i know started using it. And i guess i was just a little curious as to what all this was about. Anyway, i didn't really find it that interesting at the time. So i just mostly ignored going back there.
Anyways, over the years i do look and visit from time to time. And i do notice that most people there post positive things that happen in their lives. So seeing all the good things that are happening to all these people i know or merely acquainted with, does make me feel sad about my life. Yeah because tendency is that i would compare my life with how they are living their lives. I would think that , why can't i be as happy as they are. Or why am i not as successful as these people are. Why am i so filled with negativity and they all seem to be so positive and happy. So yeah, in a sense, Facebook does kinda makes me depressed when i sometimes visit there.
I still don't post much there. Because i don't want anyone to see how boring or pitiful my life really is. I just don't see how my life would be of great interest to anyone in there. I don't post any pictures of me, if there are. They are very well hidden. But until recently, i did change my profile picture to my real picture. Previously, it was just a picture of a character in game. Yeah so maybe i kinda understand how you feel about Facebook Audio.
Still, i think i saw a few random people in facebook that do have posts that are not quite as positive as one would like. So if you would post what you really feel there, i think you are not alone in that department. I think there are few features now in facebook that lets you control who sees your new posts and other things. I think they are in the settings and privacy section. So if you don't what some people to see your posts, i think you can. Well, its really up to you if you would post what/how you feel in there. It could be liberating if you could, but it could also be embarrassing if some people you don't want to share with saw them indeed.
For now, i don't i'm brave enough yet to post any of my negative feelings out there yet. I don't think you should feel compelled to do it either. Just know that some people do hide their problems from the world. So they may not be as happy as they seem to be in facebook.
Hope that helps you feel a little better. Just knowing that.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 9, 2018 0:44:11 GMT -5
I didn't start off my relationship by talking about expectations but maybe I'm weird like that. Oh i see. Well you did say each relationship is different and unique from one another. So i don't think its weird of you to do that. I haven't really given her any list of my expectations either. I just don't what i should be expecting of her. I guess it's really up to her to do what she wants to do, say what she wants/feel and how she would want to respond to me and my actions/inaction. I do still consider this relationship, as kind of a long distance relationship still since she does work and stay outside the city for most of the week. So i think there would be problems there in the future. I don't know. Right now, we are just comfortable talking with each other and seem to have just enough few things in common that we can enjoy each other's company. I guess i'm trying to give this a chance. Maybe without thinking much of what problems that may arise in the future.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 8, 2018 2:32:45 GMT -5
I was never in a relationship or had ever had much interaction with the opposite sex until I was 26 years old. I had to catch up so speak on what people have done years ago. All I would say is it sort of feels natural, it can be nerve wracking at first and a bit terrifying but it gets easier as the relationship progresses. From conversations with friends who have much more experience and are in healthy normal relationships I get the impression you don't really know much. I feel like I don't know a lot as this is my first relationship. I think one thing that I like to keep in mind is not being walked on but also not being too controlling either. Also I think what you expect depends entirely on you, some good advice I got from a friend is that no two relationships are the same and it depends on each person, but I think you'll find that out as you go out with someone. Thanks for sharing your experience, the things you've learned from them and the advices Ura. It was kind of nerve wracking and a bit terrifying at first indeed. But so far the girl i'm referring to (let me call her "Rene", not her real name of course) didn't give me any list of her expectations. Rene said it was easier for her to give me a list of things she doesn't expect from me. Simple things like she doesn't expect me to go with her everywhere or drive her anywhere. She doesn't expect me to prioritize her over my parents. She doesn't expect me to answer her texts ASAP. She doesn't expect me to pay for everything when we go out. Of course she said she wouldn't mind if i wanted to do them. Like pay for everything when we go out. She said this jokingly. So overall, i thought these things weren't that bad at all. She doesn't seem to be all that controlling. She is really kind and easy to talk to. Even some of her friends already know about me. One of them is even coming home this December and wants to meet me? Well, Rene and I are gonna meet again this weekend. So far so good. No problems yet encountered.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 8, 2018 1:44:46 GMT -5
So i have never been in a relationship before. If i am going to be in one, is there anything i should know about? What should i expect? What if the girl asks me, what do i expect from her? Hmmm. Thinking about it, i guess i would expect her not to cheat on me? Hehe. I am not sure what else is there i should be expecting from her. Do you guys discuss things like these? What to expect from each other? I'm thinking there would be a whole lot more to discuss i suppose. *gulp* I know this is not gonna be much help, but you're not alone, I've never been in a relationship also. Well thanks for letting me know. It is comforting in a way to know that there are other people here who knows what it feels like to have no experience in these kind of situations yet. Thanks for liking my post too.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 5, 2018 5:48:22 GMT -5
Ok. Brief update.
Geeky girl apologized to me and said that she liked me. And i told her that i liked her too. So i think we are gonna see if we can make the relationship work.
Now she asked me, what i expect from her. At first i didn't know what to say really. Then thinking about it, i said an obvious answer of no dating of other guys.
Not sure what she will expect from me. I also told her she can go first and say what she expects of me. Now i am a little anxious of what those expectations could be.
Does this seem too fast? I dunno. I'm kinda nervous. Since i have never been in a relationship before. Does this mean we're gonna be like boyfriend and girlfriend now?
Funny how things turned out this way, when i was expecting things not to go so well.
Well, i guess only time will tell.
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 5, 2018 5:16:34 GMT -5
So i have never been in a relationship before.
If i am going to be in one, is there anything i should know about? What should i expect?
What if the girl asks me, what do i expect from her? Hmmm. Thinking about it, i guess i would expect her not to cheat on me? Hehe. I am not sure what else is there i should be expecting from her.
Do you guys discuss things like these? What to expect from each other? I'm thinking there would be a whole lot more to discuss i suppose. *gulp*
|
|
|
Post by Outcast on Nov 4, 2018 8:56:12 GMT -5
From the look of things, i’d say things aren’t really going well with the geeky girl as I had hoped. Maybe she was right, and I only see her when it is convenient for me to do so. I haven’t done anything special or I haven’t really gone out of my way to see her. She asked if I considered a three hour drive a long distance relationship, and I said that I kinda thought it was. She probably saw in my profile that I don’t really go for long distance relationships. So maybe that’s why she didn’t bother replying when I asked her the same question. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. As you would have guessed, her work is a bit outside the city from where I am. Her family does have an apartment in the city, which she goes to every weekend or so.
Is it wrong for me to feel this way about long distance relationships? I would have preferred it if I can often be with the one I am having a relationship with. How can we do that if it takes a lot of time just to go see her. Wouldn’t it be bothersome for both sides concerned?
Yeah, things aren’t looking too good right now.
|
|