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Post by Outcast on Jun 29, 2018 0:16:21 GMT -5
Its only natural to feel that way when you feel embarassed. I dont really know how to fight that feeling to shy away. I always sucumb to hiding myself from people in general. Maybe try to keep yourself busy to keep your mind from thinking negative thoughts. Its a temporary form of escape. But its the only thing i can think of. Hope you dont get depressed again.
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Post by Outcast on Jun 29, 2018 0:08:56 GMT -5
I havent been able to watch the series yet. But its great that you re enjoying the shows.
Interesting bit of info about Robin as well.
Regarding your avatar, just go with whatever you feel like using. As long as its not offending anyone. Just use that one.
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Post by Outcast on Jun 2, 2018 21:08:06 GMT -5
Caution: Another sad and lonely song i like listening to lately.
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Post by Outcast on Jun 2, 2018 21:06:30 GMT -5
I have not watched any feature films or TV shows lately. Arizona, my SIA co-founder, sent me a battered old cover, retired VHS rental copy of Stanley Kramer's Bless the Beasts and the children but I dont know when I will watch it. It was filmed in locations that Arizona has lived near, and still lives near. I saw Stanley Kramer's On the Beach, and found it extremelhy depressibg, and I am expecting the same effect from Bless the Beasts and the Children (Karen Carpenter, whol sung the title song, starved herself to death from anorexia nervosa). The feature films I hve watched recently were mostly short, runnkng about an hour to 70 mins, and while BTBATC at 109 mins, is not as long to be depressed by a film as On The Beach, which ran probably over 2 hours, it's still 109 depressing minutes to look or not look forward to. If you find some other shows depressing, you might want to try watching some funny shows or videos instead. Hopefully they can help you feel a little bit better.
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Post by Outcast on Jun 2, 2018 21:05:11 GMT -5
I've also been thinking about watching the old 1943 and 1949 movie house serials of Batman and Robin. Found them for free on u tube or some other such webpage, but didn't get a good playback, and gave up for the time being. I did, at one time watch all of the chapters of a 1940s theatricl serial, probably KIng of the Rocket Mean, and found it an experience worth having. That 1943 Batman and Robin Movie is certainly interesting for me. Thanks for sharing Bild1. I still have to finish it though.
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Diary
Jun 2, 2018 21:01:03 GMT -5
Post by Outcast on Jun 2, 2018 21:01:03 GMT -5
Well, i doubt anyone would be slower on the uptake than me. But i know all too well how hard it could be to scolded by anyone. So yeah, its better if you could avoid it if you can.
It's too bad you weren't able to talk to Sarah for that long. If you're worried about her and know where she lives, maybe you can try visiting her or something?
Congratulations on getting a new car. It's seems like you are really enjoying it. I remember getting a new car and being overprotective of it. But now that's it a bit old, i'm not that protective of it anymore.=p Stay safe driving it.
Hey, i know how it feels to waste some time on long weekends too. Well actually i do it almost everyday.=p Congratulations on getting something done. It usually helps when you set your mind to do something.
I think any form of exercise you can do and enjoy would be better for anyone. Why do you hate the yoga class though?
Good luck on your upcoming knee surgery. I'm a bit apprehensive when it comes to doctors, more especially when it involves things like surgeries.
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Post by Outcast on Jun 2, 2018 20:58:30 GMT -5
Actually, she's the pet of our boss. Since the office is just a few floors away from our Boss's apartment, all of us get to see her everyday. I usually just give her a few pieces of food everyday. I don't really do anything else. =)
Thanks for the comforting words though. I guess they took after their wild parents.
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Post by Outcast on May 28, 2018 6:01:53 GMT -5
Thanks for the comments and support Matthew and Shyborg. I'm just not quite sure that they were really full. Because when i arrived home and they saw me. They were meowing all over me. Climbing, and clawing their way up my legs (doesnt hurt thanks to my jeans). Hehe. If only i could understand cat language. So yeah. It just seemed that i may have ignored their pleas.
Yeah, although they were fairly new and just got to spend time with them for a short while. I didn't expect i'd feel this bad after their gone. My brother noticed that i felt bad about it and apologized as well.
Our pet dog recently just died last February due to old age. So i kinda feel guilty for not making him more happy while he was alive. I think that's why i've started feeding the pet dog in our office who is also pretty old and has cataracts. Although she can't see very well. She knows whenever i'm nearby now, and comes daily to beg for food. I sometimes like to play a trick with her though. Circling around while she follows my scent and tracks. Its uncanny how she knows where i go.
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Post by Outcast on May 24, 2018 23:31:58 GMT -5
A couple of days ago, my mom had brought home two kitten from a stray cat. I was really against it at first since we don't really know how to take care of them in the first place. It was hard keeping them inside a box. And we didn't tie them up with a leash. I was always kinda worried they would stray and get killed. But for a few days since we were feeding them, they didn't stray far outside our home. Then my mom decided to switch to catfood that are like pellets from the tuna meat we gave them initially.
I was worried they weren't getting full or eating enough since they keep on feeding them these pellets. So last night, i really wanted to feed them some tuna meat. But my brother said they were full, because he said they were being fed all day by my niece. I was still doubtful though since all they gave them were pellets.
So true enough, this morning they were gone from our house. Apparently they strayed far in search of food and got killed one way or another.
My brother was happy though, since he didn't like the cats because they kinda smelled for him.
Somehow, i feel that i've let the kittens down. And now i feel down and kinda sad too. I should have listened to my gut feeling and fed them last night.
=(
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Post by Outcast on Feb 22, 2018 4:59:14 GMT -5
Le Fou i'm afraid i've been thinking.... Ah dangerous past time... I know... Why would she ask for that kind of a favor? www.askmen.com/top_10/dating/top-10-signs-youre-a-friend-not-a-boyfriend_4.htmlIf it's a favor from a friend, i don't think i normally would go. Unless i really like the place "my friend" is inviting me to. Normally i don't think i'd cut my time off work to go with a friend some place. Hmmm...what else. If i were to put other people in my shoes, how would they probably react? They'd probably not go as well. Unless they really like the girl. I mean i think that's how it goes. Guys would normally like to go to places they enjoy going to. I think it's only when the guy is really interested in the girl, then that's when the guy would probably try to go anywhere just to be with the girl. Maybe even pretending to like the same stuff as the girl? (as i've seen in some shows i guess.) So...i don't think i'm really into the girl to do that. Since it's not that long ago that i've managed to convince my mom that i don't think we're really suited for each other. And she saw some signs that seem to support that. Maybe i'm just getting confused because i don't know what to think of her asking that favor. Does she know that it will be some burden for me to do that for her, that's why she is using the term "favor"? Or is there a very slim chance that she likes me? Or is she just using me just so she can watch the concert of her favorite artist? If people would ask me if i like the girl, and why do i like her. I don't think i'd be able to give a good enough answer. She seems nice sometimes, but other than that i don't know. I don't know what people try to look for in people they date. Like if they look for things they have in common? I don't know if i even have that with Belle. Can't think of much at the moment, so i'll just leave this for now. But at the moment, i'm leaning towards not going with her. Or granting her favor. Would she understand? Or would she take it the wrong way? I don't know that either.
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Post by Outcast on Feb 18, 2018 23:59:09 GMT -5
Something i happen to listen to in the radio.
This one will always be a favorite of mine.
A little bit too long, but the first few moments of the song feels good to me.
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Post by Outcast on Feb 18, 2018 23:52:09 GMT -5
Just an update. I didn't send any Valentine greeting to Belle this year as part of trying not to get too close to her? I hope i did the right thing.
Anyway, today i suddenly got a text from her. She said hi, and wanted to ask me for a favor. She wanted me to accompany her to watch a concert of her favorite local artist this coming March 23. So i was kinda surprised by that. Maybe she didn't have anyone to accompany her and the venue of the concert is a bit far from her place i guess.
I asked for the time of the concert and she replied that it starts at 8pm. So i told her that we would have to leave a little bit early from work, if we want to watch the concert on time. Considering traffic and all that. I wasn't sure if going with her to the concert would be the right thing to do, so i told her that i'd have to check and get back to her if i can go.
Is it ok if i also asked if she bought the tickets already? She said she hasn't bought any yet since she doesn't have anyone to accompany her yet. Then i inquired if she knew how much the tickets would cost and where to get them? Was it alright for me to ask that too? She told me i could try checking this website where the tickets can be bought. There she told me i could check which seats are available and which seats i would like. She told me to choose where i want to seat. But she plans on getting the svip or vip section.
I'd most likely reply to her that i'd check the website. I think that's the least i can do?
I dunno. Sometimes i feel like i still want to try doing stuff like this. Would this be considered like a date? When she asked me for a favor like this? Sometimes i can't help feel that it is like a date. Maybe i'm too old fashioned?
Still don't know what's the right thing to do though.
Edited to add: Hmmm. It seems like SVIP and VIP seats are the first two most expensive seats available. I wonder if she is hinting me to buy the tickets for her? Or will she buy one for herself? Am i wrong to think this way? Am i being stingy? I really don't like to jump to conclusions or judge her. So i want to give her the benefit of the doubt?
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Post by Outcast on Feb 3, 2018 0:05:25 GMT -5
lol...oh man, a meddling mom. :S I'm sure your mom just wants you to be happy. And often people think it'll help if someone just 'settles down.' Or maybe she fancies the idea of grandchildren...whatever the case, try not to let her influence you. You've gotta do what's right for you. Personally, I don't like the girl's approach. It's odd to me you only meet up 2 to 3 times a year, yet buy gifts for each other (unless you guys had been long-time, close friends). I'm curious as to what her social life/relationship history is. Again... 2 to 3 times a year, and ignoring your texts is pretty standoffish. Also, movies happen every day of the week (most places) -- being "too busy" with the shop seems like an excuse. If she really wanted to, I'm sure she could find some time to hang out more than 2 to 3 times a year and also find some time to respond back to texts. Unless she lives with family and her family is super controlling. I agree with the points ura had mentioned (in the post he said he may be too cynical and biased). I think...personally...you should try and look elsewhere for a girlfriend. I wouldn't expect it from her. And it doesn't sound to me you even want to date her. You could find someone else, but you'll have to put the effort into it. If finding a girlfriend is what you want. And most importantly -- YOU ARE WAY TOO HARD on yourself! Trust me, you are. I think a lot of us struggle with a lot of the same issues and it can be hard to see from a different perspective when you've felt a certain way about yourself for so long.... However, I can see that you are way too hard on yourself. Please don't think you're "doing everything wrong." Honestly, I've come to find a lot of people seem awkward -- and I really feel like most people struggle with doubts about what they are doing in life and where they are going. People in relationships even -- there are plenty that are in relationships that are unhappy. It may seem like everyone else has it together, but honestly, it would appear to me that most everyone is struggling -- just perhaps in different ways, and maybe not as apparent. Yeah. I know my mom is just worried about me being all alone in this world. But what can i really do if that is just my luck. I've talked to her about it. How i don't really feel that i like the girl that much and i think she is beginning to understand my side a bit. I've known the girl (ok lets call her "Belle") for quite some time now. According to the girl (lets name this girl "Joy") who introduced me to her, it's been about hmm...7 or 8 years already? My mom initially introduced me to Joy, hoping we might like each other as more than friends. But our personality is very much the opposite of each other. Joy is more of the outgoing type of person. I tried to be friends with Joy and got to meet some of her friends. For a while, i tried going out with them. Socializing and stuff. Like always it did felt awkward for me, but i tried to fight my anxiety and fears of being/dealing with people, so i did get to go out with them for a while. Joy later introduced me to Belle who is her cousin. Joy thinks we'd be compatible for each other since Belle doesn't really go out that much either, and Joy says our body type matches? (I guess we're both kind of small in built. While Joy is more bigger in built.) I don't think i really know a lot about Belle's social life or relationships with other people. From i what i gather, i think she has a decent amount of friends to go out with. I don't know how often she goes out with them though. I believe she has had at least one previous relationship with a guy, as i did remember her saying she has some trust issues after that relationship kind of failed? As to my texts, she doesn't always ignore them though. There are times that i think she may have been busy and her texts come much later than expected. So sometimes i think she may have forgotten to get back to me on some occasions perhaps. I believe i can be quite sensitive to many things and that maybe the reason why i don't get any friends. That's probably why i sometimes think i should try to be more understanding. She still lives with her mom and dad. And they run their store together. It's mostly her and her mom that's managing the store. They only have one staff to help, so i think that's why she really have a hard time leaving the store alone with her mom. Her dad doesn't help much and mostly just off about doing his own personal business. So yeah, i don't think her family is that 'controlling'. About finding a girlfriend, i think that would be very very very hard for me. Would you believe i haven't had a girlfriend ever? (Many people make fun of me for that thing alone.) First i don't know where to start looking or maybe i just don't have the courage/confidence to meet with new people and be good at socializing with them. I think i may have this avoidant personality disorder or something. I have pretty much avoided people most of my life (since Elementary School?), so i think its very possible. I think i have most of its symptoms. Secondly, i don't think i have that much free time as i still drive my mom to and fro from her work/store. Thirdly, i'm not confident or brave enough to approach a girl i don't know. Maybe my standards are too high as well. (as i usually find myself attracted to "attractive" girls). Although Belle isn't that attractive, i would still be ok with her if only we could have been more friendlier with each other and get to go out with each other more often? And perhaps if there was less talk about expensive watches. Yeah its true that i can be really hard on myself. But its really mostly based on my experiences, as i have often been reprimanded for doing the wrong things most of the time. I just end up doing them over and over again. Maybe because i don't really have good self control over my desires and what i need to do. That i often find myself neglecting things that i need or should be doing. Thus i end up regretting or being ashamed because of it. Yeah , i think it would sometimes be better if i did the opposite of what i feel like doing. So i wouldn't feel too bad about myself. I also see some relationships like with my brother that don't seem like their doing well or happy. So sometimes that also plays a factor to add fear/anxiety of possible relationships that i may get myself into. Thanks for replying and sharing your thoughts Strawberry. I do appreciate it.
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Post by Outcast on Feb 2, 2018 23:09:04 GMT -5
Heartbroken - someone took advantage of my kindness, found someone better and moved on. Whilst right now I'm feeling upset, there is a part of me that understands that at least I know they are not perfect and can try to slowly let go and move on. But right now............ need a good hug from my fellow Shybies. Sorry to hear about this too Zoe. I don't really know what to say to make you feel any better. But i hope you do stay strong and not let it get you down as much. Take care as always.
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Post by Outcast on Jan 6, 2018 0:24:15 GMT -5
Sorry for taking so long to reply. I had prepared a reply a few days ago but i wanted to review it a bit more before posting it. But then i kept pushing it back and back.
Ok. So yeah. I think anyone wouldn't take it that well either Ura. If people ignored them like that. I guess i was trying to be understanding then? Maybe she was busy or something. I must have forgotten all about it when i was thinking of what gift i could give her for Christmas. Well, i told you guys i can be a complete idiot when it comes to dealing with people or relationships. That often times i am not sure of what to do and what i'm doing is the right thing to do. So thanks for the feedback and helping me rethink about what i might be doing wrong.
For now, i want to try and scale things down (like how much money i spend on her) like what you guys have suggested. Then see how it goes. I'm not really sure. But maybe i am also at fault as to why she would think of asking me to buy those watches for her. Like maybe treating her out to lunch when it was my birthday or during holidays like Christmas. But sometimes i'd let her treat me to lunch when it was her birthday. So at least sometimes i'd let her pay. Sometimes she would ask to go to a different place and sometimes i would answer "sure, lets try to go there." But when it's a far away place, i would say that i'm not too keen on going to those places. There was also a time that she mentioned that there was this concert she wanted to attend to. I guess she was hinting that we should go and watch it. But i wasn't really a fan of the artist and i wasn't really sure i'd go that far in the relationship when i still have my doubts whether i like this girl enough to go there. So yeah. I think because of my indecisiveness, i may have been making her expect something more?
I was always terrible when it comes to decision making, always afraid of making a mistake. And most of the time relying on others to decide for me what i should do. Maybe that's also why my life is like it is. I'm usually just going with the flow of things and not making any real plans or goals for myself. Mostly content on depending on others. Avoiding big decisions whenever one comes or arises.
I'm not sure, but i think she'll keep on expecting me to buy her that watch if i continue to see her/meet with her? I think i'm already taking a step back as i'm meeting her only twice or 3 times a year. She's usually busy anyway with her shop and all. Do you think i should talk to her about it? Personally i'd feel awkward about asking since i'm really not doing much.
Ok. That's it for now. Can't think of anything else to say at the moment.
Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts.
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