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Post by Audio the obscure on May 28, 2013 0:44:34 GMT -5
You people have to start helping me with the chores!!! You fill the garbage bag, not me, so get off your butt and take it downstairs for crying out loud! You take over the kitchen in the morning with your blackberry and your laptop and won't even make some room on the table for me to make a couple of pieces of toast. Then you slam out of here when you do go not considering other people besides you live here. At least respect the girl across from the door you're slamming!
blimey, i can't even motivate myself more for an "excuse this" post, *strained grimace*
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 28, 2013 0:33:56 GMT -5
I suck so much. I wish there was at least something positive about me/my life but there's nothing. I have no redeeming features whatsoever. I could handle being shy and ugly if I had a job, or could handle being unemployed if I were hot lol. Just one thing is all I ask for! It sucks. There's nothing. And I just noticed that the adult section of the board has gone wtf! Can't remember if I ever posted there but it was always fun to read. Suuuuuuuucks And I'm going to say the word "suck" one more time because apparently my vocabulary is that limited it's the only word I can think of right now. Suck suck suck. I feel the same way, especially the part about "no redeeming features" - that's how I feel about myself. I can relate so much! I used to read the adult thread also. It could be quite addictive for me at times, lol. I too wish I had more in the "looks" department, and I too am unemployed, unfortunately (don't like talking about it though, just to say I can relate to your post . Hope things get better for you. Sending you out well wishes (sorry if that's lame). It's the best I can do right now.
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 28, 2013 0:26:47 GMT -5
What I mean is a feeling of demoralized, dejected and being stuck in a rut. The feeling where you're at a loss of what to do with your life. That feeling whereby you feel trapped at a dead-end, have lost motivation. It's extremely difficult to describe, near the borderline of impossibility. Have any of you guys ever experienced such a feeling? ABSOLUTELY (forgive the caps, just stressing I feel the same way), anticrank. I'm going through it now and it's a horrible feeling. Have any of you guys experienced the following; A feeling whereby all the options for improving your social situation just seem too overwhelming? Where the thought of joining clubs, classes and all the other clichés seem to require courage that you just can't sum up, which you then end up beating yourself up about? You doubt your likeability and value so much (possibly as a result of loneliness, or the wrong sort of company, a stagnant social life), that it makes you want to hide away? Felt that you are a social failure and that anything you do will be futile? Or have you felt 'why would (so and so girl/boy I fancy/type) want me when there are so many (insert; confident, attractive, virile and others) people out there', as a result Yes, all of it. I feel like no matter what I do to try to change my situation, it seems to remain unchanged. It's as if I've gone back in time and become a spectator to my life because no matter how much I want to change it, I am having great difficulty doing just that! Ever felt that feeling that life is passing you by? Ever been unable to see a way out? Ever felt that 'this is it'? Ever been kept awake and disturbed by a racing mind? The thought of never moving on? All these too I feel just about every day. I'm getting less and less motivated (or determined), though I see the need and want to improve my situation, I don't have that "get up and go" motivation to actually DO the things that make for changing my situation. Even visualizing doesn't seem to help me change my circumstances. I don't sleep well. And when I sleep, I wake up very nervous and apprehensive, worried, fearful of the future and my lack of accomplishment. Please share your experiences here with situations, thoughts and feelings similar to the above. I have been through all that before, so I know what kind of utter hell and misery it is to feel like that. It's only made ten fold worse by that fact that 99% of people cannot relate or understand, leaving you feeling completely disconnected. If any of you guys can relate to such experiences, please share. I can most definitely relate to what you've put here, anticrank. (I put my own post on the rant thread earlier talking about similar feelings) I hope and send out well wishes to you for things to get better for you. Take care .
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 28, 2013 0:04:08 GMT -5
....or something like that.
I've actually been quite depressed for the last year or so. The reason I didn't put it in my intro post back on here was when I said I was feeling better, I meant feeling better from something else of a mental nature other than depression. It's just difficult to put these feelings into the right words.
What clinched it for me tonight was, I was looking on soundcloud just before making this post as I saw some entries in the creative thread which had their source as soundcloud; and anyway, I went in there, browsing all around, and reading about sharing the music and all that. And then I thought: no thanks. Now that is something different for me as for years I've been wanting to do more with my music (songs, guitar, singing, etc.). If I had had the technology we have now when I was in my 20s, even early 30s, I'd be hopping with ambition to get it all recorded and distributed, and so on.
Another thing that's bothering me is, I realize I cannot really be as open on here as I'd like to be, for fear I might offend someone or maybe even more than one. It's a big worry I have, among all the other worries. Plus I find I just don't have the knack of expressing myself the way I feel on here. Some posters, one who left a few months ago, I find are or were very good at expressing their innermost feelings on here which I find very remarkable and my hat's off to them for being able to do just that.
I am still feeling very much alone and it's not getting any better. I am still living at the same place I was living when I was on here a few years ago, adn the trouble with noise still exists. Plus I have a new irritation: the others will not help out with some of the household chores, namely garbage removal, that are to be shared among all of us. It gets left up to me, and I don't always feel well physically. My family is continuing to be the same way toward me: namely that aunt I mentioned when I was in here before. We have not spoken or seen each other for going on 4 years now. I have made overture after overture in snail mail letters (she does not have internet) and in telephone calls on my part, with her not writing nor phoning me back in response. To my knowledge I have done nothing bad to her nor to her family to warrant the way she is treating me. I am tired. I also wish I did not exist (I will probably get my wish at some point, even not by my own hand). My whole life has been one big failure for the most part (except that I did do well in grade and high school, and in college). I know one poster says life is how you see it. I'm one who would like to "make things happen", but just do not have the strength nor the wherewithall to motivate myself to "make life happen". Throughout my life, I have occasionally gone after whatever it was I wanted. Sometimes I got it. Sometimes I wish I hadn't "gotten it". Now I'm just tired. I told "someone" I wish things had stayed the same with me in the 80s, instead of the change in move that I'd made to the city I (still) reside in. I apologize for the vagueness of my post. It illustrates what I said earlier about not being good at opening up on here, saying my innermost feelings, something like that. My doctor is no help at all. Anything I tell her just falls on deaf ears, not literally of course. She just wants to put me on medication. I myself am stubborn about that. It's not that I hate pills. I just hate pills for ME,, that's all. I am what the medical community would call a bad patient, noncompliant, I think that is the word. I dislike very much asking people for favours, so I am very much alone. I came back on here because I miss people on here and I need a little emotional (or whatever) support myself. I read a lot of people's posts since I came back in here and I can relate to so many of them, especially in the rant thread here. If/when I misspell anything it will more than likely be because of my bad eyesight and/or this computer I have (another laptop) adding letters, etc. Here it is almost 2 am my time, and I still can't get sleepy enough to fall asleep. And last night my sleep was so fitful I kept waking up every few hours. When I wake up in the middle of the night or the wee hours of the morning, I feel nervous and apprehensive or worried. It's an awful feeling that I'd give anything not to have. I wish I could go to sleep peacefully and contentedly; and wake up 6 or 7 hours later at peace and not feeling afraid, dread, worried about my lack of postive accomplishment in my life. I sure hope I didn't bore you guys with this post. I hope I haven't ranted too soon for my recent return to su. The feeling of utter hopelessness I've been feeling for the past year is the worst feeling I've ever had in my entire life. I did have a similar experience winter 92/93,, but came out of it in April that year. This one however, being somewhat less intense in physical manifestations (fast heartbeat, no appetite) than at that time, but it is of longer duration, unfortunately. I'd give anything if I could feel hope and happiness and peace again. Thx for reading.
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 21:04:01 GMT -5
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 20:53:52 GMT -5
Earlier I was listening to this. It came to the end while I was in justin.tv watching/listening to old tv shows lol:
It's very relaxing. Helps me here with all the door slamming that still goes on in this place (yeah, I'm STILL here, lol).
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 20:44:39 GMT -5
Currently watching season 4 of Star Trek Deep Space 9. That's a great show . I myself haven't watched all the DS9 eps YET, lol. Gotta have the Trek, that's for sure hehe.
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 20:42:56 GMT -5
More like listening, while I'm browsing/posting on su . An old program called "The Saint" on justin.tv site. You can check it out below if you like:). www.justin.tv/fhogden#/w/5722942064/225It has some pretty good old shows on all week:). Note: If you want an ad-free site (not counting the tv channel's own existing ads of course), you can download "betterjustintv" to your computer and go from there. It's a great thing to have for that particular site, especially if you browse with IE. I find a good browser for jtv is the Mozilla Firefox one:).
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 20:12:18 GMT -5
Hmmm to do list. Well well well. I've done them before, and didn't make a lot of progress. Not trying to be negative, just stating the usual with me.
One goal I have (not a really important one, but I'll put it anyway). I just played Songpop on facebook, and I'm doing well on it. I'll set the goal of getting over the 20,000 mark on my all-time score (right now it's 19,000 something).
Other goals (like I said earlier, I'm a procrastinator, lol) They're not in any particular order, so I won't bother with numbering them in this thread:
Read longer on my personal very important-to-me literature.
Keep reading that book I mentioned in the "what books are you currently reading" thread.
Try to get more exercise in (lol - I have a habit of saying "try" when Yoda said: "Do or do not: there is no try")
Eat more regularly and stop skipping meals so I can rev up my metabolism (as discussed earlier)
Do more productive things each day (yes it's vague, and that's all I have to say about this for now lol)
Drink less tea and drink more water
Try hard not to say something I'll regret when I'm highly stressed or nervous (whether the words are just words I don't want to say when I'm alone, or words said to other people - same goal)
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 18:48:59 GMT -5
I don't have much to add on this thread, lol. I'm not currently playing any games, but I'll just put some I've played in the last year and maybe before then. I'm not currently playing video games though I just don't have the knack.
The latest one I've played is of course related to music, since that's my primary interest, I suppose. Songpop on facebook. I've racked up quite a number of points, despite being a newbie on it, and gotten lots of opponents, which was fun. I seem to excel in 80s songs, classic rock, love songs, and lately seventies songs (when they gave me the chance to buy the category with my coins and try it). The thing I probably dislike the most about the game is, when they gave me the chance to be a VIP (or whatever it's called) for awhile, at least with me, I lost the chance to earn power-ups by watching a video about "bingoryzing". Once I was done my time of being VIP, I never became one again.
Other games I've played: I have a handheld computer checker game I play once in awhile and most of the time I've beaten the computer.
Another game (I don't have it anymore) my dad got me around 1984 was the Simon one (from RadioShack) where the machine makes tones and lights, and you have to match the sequences of it, up to 32 sequences. It was a little harder for me, even when I was younger, to win this one. You have to get all 32 right to be designated a "champ". I like the checker game the better of the two because you don't need a good memory to excel in it, as with this "Simon" one.
I have Solitaire on this newer pc (Dell, lol) I have; and sometimes I play it. It gets a little frustrating trying to move a card from the end to the beginning or vice versa, without a mouse; and when I don't move it correctly, the computer on the game thinks I've made a mistake, when in actuality it's just clumsy hand movements (or whatever) on my part.
That's all I can think of for now.
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 18:47:05 GMT -5
Ok so I looked at my new year list and I have failed at going to work every day. I have issues with this. Sometimes I am really good and don't miss for months and months and then sometimes I get in this funk where I call in a lot. I am not sure why I do this. I get so depressed sometimes, it is hard to move. I can relate, esp. to your last sentence. We've got this rainy weather spurt here where I live, and it makes me just not want to get up at ALL. But yes, also the depression, it's not easy, I know. My legs get so heavy and I get so fatigued, the bed feels so good. I'm sending well wishes out your way to the "land down under" (like the Men At Work song goes) !
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 18:43:00 GMT -5
What your talking about is metabolism. Some people have higher metabolism and some people have lower metabolism determined by age and genetics. This affects how your body burns calories. As you age your metabolism slows down and you become less efficient at burning calories. Young people tend to have a lot higher metabolism so they burn calories much easier. Here's a good article about in webmd. www.webmd.com/diet/features/make-most-your-metabolism metabolism: yep, another word for "thermal" lol. My eating plan in 1996 had a goodly amount of protein in it, btw. Not too much, but a very satisfying amount. Speaking of protein.... blimey, now I'm craving some hardboiled eggs - lols.
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 18:29:44 GMT -5
I am not so sure it is just calories in and out. You see people that eat nothing but junk food all the time but they are thin as rails. I used to eat like that and never would gain anything. same here (when I was 15 - lols). I personally think one factor could be what I used to call "thermal" - and that comes by eating. I remember when I was in my 20s (and back then I was way too obsessed with the dieting, calories, exercising thing, and went way too extreme but anyway...) I did this quiz in a library book. And one of the statements was: "Eating burns calories" . You had to put whether the statements was "true" or "false". When I read that, I thought (wrongly) well that must be false, because I thought (back then at the tender age of 23 or 24, lol) eating is consuming calories. But they explained why "eating burns calories" is actually true. The act of eating uses energy. Plus the food takes energy to digest. When I was 34, I put myself on an eating plan (I don't like to say "diet" - here's a lame joke from old audio: "never say diet"). I was overweight, weighing close to 160 for 5 foot 4 or 5 inches in height. I had a cup of tea and a bowl of cereal for brekkie, for lunch I had vegetables and whatever meat there happened to be; for supper I usually made 1 baked potato, a green vegetable such as green beans or broccoli, and a nice chicken breast. I usually went for a walk. But I wasn't extreme like back in the 80s. It was a slower weight loss than the crash kind I did in the 80s. I went from 158 to 138 between March and June 1996. Slow sensible weight loss. I drank lots of water also. And worked on my music. Kind of helps having a goal to look forward to: gets one's mind off food. Don't know if this helps anyone in here talking about weight, calories, and all that, but wanted to post it anyway:).
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 17:31:24 GMT -5
hmmm... 1. change my evil ways, baby 2. turn on the lights 3. heat up the pots 4. stop hangin round with who knows who 5. stop makin you feel like a clown Lord knows, i got to change! ;D WOW! What a list! Had me in stitches, SP ;D ;D ;D!!! Even though a joke or fake list, it's still funny to me . I'll have to give some more thought to a to-do list. Yeah I'm (((pro-cras-tin-a-ting ;D))), lol. oh well. What else is new. I hated homework when I was in grade/high school, so no wonder haha.
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Post by Audio the obscure on May 26, 2013 17:25:24 GMT -5
Read your first and your latest (update) post. Congrats on that you're dating someone and maintaining the relationship. Congrats also on your willingness to be open with her even if she may ultimately hurt you later. I'm sending well wishes, hope wishes your way that it will continue positively and that she will get over her past relationship and be willing to have a committed relationship with you. (I don't express myself right sometimes, so I apologize in advance if I'm not wording things in my post the correct way. Please know that I mean well and even though you don't know me yet as I'm a newbie who used to be on here a few years ago, I'm hoping for all the best for you in this your new relationship:).) In my humble opinion, I believe relationships are the most challenging thing in life for growth - but oh so fulfilling and worth it when all works out:). All the best to you !
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