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Post by glenn on Mar 17, 2003 14:22:47 GMT -5
i think the same to.
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Post by spitzig on Mar 30, 2003 21:46:53 GMT -5
When I first went online, I was amazed at how easy it was to meet people this way. It never occurred to me prior to that how much different it would be when the whole "getting to know you" conversation was eliminated! I find I can discuss anything at all with my online friends and not feel the slightest bit awkward. I think a great many others have found this to be the case as well. What do you mean by "the whole "getting to know you" conversation was eliminated!"? You still have to get to know someone to talk to them, don't you? Or are you talking about on a forum like this? Personally, I've never really gotten any "real connection" with anyone online. And, for like two years I've frequented a forum for philosophical discussions. I respond to the post, though, and don't attach as much to the individual. As far as IMing goes, I'm as bad at that as talking in real life. I just never know how to start a conversation, unless I know them decently well. If I know them, I can go back to some old conversation, or common interest, sometimes, like in real life. I've been told I write exactly like I talk, though. I think I tend to take the online situation more seriously than most people. For me, the faceless nature doesn't get rid of most of the pressure. |
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Post by spitzig on May 29, 2003 17:01:29 GMT -5
For the shy person writing gives them a way to express themselves without their shyness getting in the way. In person their anxiety can make not just them but the other person feel awkward, closing down communication. Maybe it's just being a social retard, as a result of my shyness that gets in the way of communicating online. There is still pressure, it's just not immediate pressure. And, I don't usually get chatrooms. Not the ones that are just "general", anyway. If the general ones have a game, or some topic, they have been fun. I just don't usually get in any conversations. |
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Post by Mildman1 on May 30, 2003 16:59:51 GMT -5
And, I don't usually get chatrooms. Not the ones that are just "general", anyway. If the general ones have a game, or some topic, they have been fun. I just don't usually get in any conversations. Small talk is not my forte. If I feel uncomfortable with someone I can really only converse with them if we have a shared interest, otherwise I tend to stay out of conversations, for example at work. One of the reasons it's so easy to post here is because we have at least one major thing in common, and the topics tend to be structured. The other is that because we don't know anything about one another apart from what we post, we are in control of how we present ourselves, and there is no time pressure in which to do it. Also, because lots of us don't communicate as much as others verbally, there is a lot that we feel we need to express. |
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Post by spitzig on May 30, 2003 20:55:28 GMT -5
Small talk is not my forte. If I feel uncomfortable with someone I can really only converse with them if we have a shared interest, otherwise I tend to stay out of conversations, for example at work. Yeah, me too. I tend to try to get in on a conversation already going on where someone I know pretty well is one of the people involved. |
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Post by Mildman1 on May 31, 2003 5:44:09 GMT -5
Yeah, me too. I tend to try to get in on a conversation already going on where someone I know pretty well is one of the people involved. Exactly the same here. I rarely start conversations with people I'm not close to, even if I've been around them for years. When I do, I often feel that what I'm going to say is of no interest to the other person. |
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Post by sweetness on May 31, 2003 8:29:12 GMT -5
It s easier coz you can think about what you want to say and how to say it and it takes away the pressure of a conversation in person where you dont have time to think about it or there is an akward silence, that s why i dont like phone calls!! I feel really embarrased when there s a silence. With my friends i usually send instant messages with my phone or i emai lthem. I only phone them when it s really been a long time.
As for some of you you are too worried about what you say is not interesting, i m anxious i dont have anything to say. Or in fact i do have something to say but my mind just goes blank and then i dont know what i wanted to say anymore. It s a circle of thoughts that is difficult to get out of.
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Post by moogle on May 31, 2003 10:12:38 GMT -5
i often feel like i have nothing to say, or if it's someone that i talk to a lot, i'm afraid that i'm repeating myself and don't realize it. it's even rare for me to send someone an instant message, because i feel like if i start the conversation, that it's up to me to keep the conversation going and interesting. it's bad when an acquaintance im's me because if i've had a bad day (which is usually the case) i can't tell them about it because i know they don't want to hear that.
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Jun 4, 2003 22:57:17 GMT -5
I can't write or talk well. Do you have any friends? How old are you? Are you male or female? Do you have any personal interests? What part of the world do you live in? Solitary Soul -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/----------------------------------------------------- |
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Post by ASolitarySoul on Jun 4, 2003 23:04:46 GMT -5
Exactly the same here. I rarely start conversations with people I'm not close to, even if I've been around them for years. When I do, I often feel that what I'm going to say is of no interest to the other person. Same here, but mainly because what I have to say *IS* of no interest in the first place - I'm as dull as dirt.  People who like to talk like to talk to me because I'm such a good listener. ... but as soon as someone else comes along, I become a piece of furniture. Solitary Soul -> users3.ev1.net/~solitarysoul/----------------------------------------------------- |
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Post by Mildman1 on Jun 5, 2003 15:35:11 GMT -5
Same here, but mainly because what I have to say *IS* of no interest in the first place - I'm as dull as dirt. Your posts are always interesting. Also, you have interests (even if there not the standard music etc.) which other people in your environment must share. People who like to talk like to talk to me because I'm such a good listener.- Is this something they do in the States?They need to talk so much that you have only to be a good listener? |
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Post by spitzig on Jun 5, 2003 17:38:58 GMT -5
That's a well-known way to get people to like you. Get them to talk about themselves. I know Dale Carnegie had a high opinion of it. "How to Win friends and influence people", by him, has been a big selling book for a long time.
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Post by Mildman1 on Jun 6, 2003 15:45:47 GMT -5
That's a well-known way to get people to like you. Get them to talk about themselves. I know that if you show that you are interested in something that someone is saying they will be encouraged by it and will want to talk to you more. Eventually, though, unless they're totally self-obsessed you will have to give something back of yourself. |
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Post by inkysoftwhispers on Jun 6, 2003 16:06:41 GMT -5
Oh this is such an interesting thread!
I can definitely be a lot more articulate when I'm writing.
(think I still make absolutely no sense sometimes though.Many apologies..)
Even when I get to be fairly comfortable with somebody what I say is fairly bitty - I can never tell long anecdotes, because I become incredibly aware of my voice just going on and on.. and getting terribly boring. But I could write forever.
I've read similar statistics about body language and voice...certainly explains why speaking on the phone can be so dauntng. Often it's the way you say something that's important, not necessarily what you say, which is a pity..
Also because a lot of us seem to think what we're saying is not interesting, people probably do pick up on that and stop listening as a result.
Yes,asking people about themselves is definitely a very good way of making conversation...some people can go on for hours though. This one guy called Chris I know...it's a neverending monologue. Have been avoiding him a lot lately...
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Post by Mildman1 on Jun 6, 2003 16:12:16 GMT -5
Sometimes InkySoftWhispers I feel like I could spend forever posting to this website, but I'm stopped by the fact that I have to go to bed, or I've got to do something else.
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