|
|
Post by MrNice on Feb 18, 2008 16:14:56 GMT -5
if you are comfortable with yourself - good for you
but if you complain about not being able to find someone and how it is oh so ridiculous that a guy would state his preferences on his dating profile, this is what you may get.
|
|
|
|
Post by phoenixferret on Feb 18, 2008 16:15:07 GMT -5
sure you can be happy in any way you like - but if you can help yourself become more attractive, why not do it? Yeah, geeze, all you overweight women out there--why are you so stupid that you can't understand diet and exercise?? People keep telling you how unattractive you are, so why aren't you thin yet? What's the matter with you? Do you want guys to be forced to settle you just because you're the first woman they encounter? How selfish! And it's so easy to lose weight... you're probably just lazy. Maybe if everyone keeps telling you over and over again to go lose some weight before you seek male attention, then you'll finally get it through your thick skulls, ya??! Geezus cripes.  Pick the most extreme argument, take it out of context, refute that, and voila! To anyone who's not paying attention, it looks like you've actually made a valid point. Looks matter. Guys and girls alike care about looks. Most people here are agreeing that looks matter. And I haven't seen a lick of PC posturing from anybody; the only person I've witnessed implying that looks don't matter is Anna, and by all appearances, that is how she actually views the world herself. You of all people should know the way projection works. if you are comfortable with yourself - good for you but if you complain about not being able to find someone and how it is oh so ridiculous that a guy would state his preferences on his dating profile, this is what you may get. I think you forgot to add, "take that, bitch!" |
|
|
|
Post by MrNice on Feb 18, 2008 16:16:49 GMT -5
of course they should - everyone is in the same boat on this one
but if you can help something, I see no reason not to
|
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 18, 2008 16:20:01 GMT -5
unfortunately if everyone that you don't pass over passes you over - you got a problem no one runs around saying it - it is reflected in the choices men make of course we matter - thats why women pay so much attention to their weight yeah, right. no one runs around saying it, lol. sheesh  no, i don't gotta problem. you gotta problem. and where guys who get into that mind set of judging everybody as worthy or not worthy really run into a problem is when they age. when their hair and teeth fall out, when they get a gut or their ass gets droopy, when long wiry hairs start growing out of their nose, ears and eyebrows, when they go grey...all over, when they get wrinkles on their wrinkles, when they get weak and sick, when their vision gets weak and blurry or disappears altogether, when they can't even get it up anymore... then they are faced with an unsupportable life philosophy. where is your self-esteem gonna come from then, cowboy? |
|
|
|
Post by lennythegiant on Feb 18, 2008 17:12:52 GMT -5
of course they should - everyone is in the same boat on this one but if you can help something, I see no reason not to What I'm saying is that people can try to help it and still not get all that great of results, and that they should be seen as worthy of having a relationship, or however you want to put it, even before they lose weight or whatever it is they supposedly need to do. There are tons of possible physical "imperfections". Some people can be really picky, a lot not so much. For some they might be deal breakers, for others they'll be able to look at the person as a whole and think "oh well". At least that's what I hope for when women see what a hairy bastard I am.  |
|
|
|
Post by skyhint on Feb 18, 2008 17:24:38 GMT -5
Do I dare? why not?
OK IMO you cannot get more attractive because everyone's tastes are different. Do I lose weight? some men like curves. Do I wear more make-up? some men like a more natural look. And Mr.Nice has a point about looking for someone in your own league, and so do others who say its not just about looks, it is compatable personalities too. So, I think, in conclusion, you must be physically attracted to eachother to some degree, and you must have personalities that get along well together.
And you know what, I think everyone here feels roughly the same way I do. no?
|
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 18, 2008 17:53:46 GMT -5
Do I dare? why not? OK IMO you cannot get more attractive because everyone's tastes are different. Do I lose weight? some men like curves. Do I wear more make-up? some men like a more natural look. And Mr.Nice has a point about looking for someone in your own league, and so do others who say its not just about looks, it is compatable personalities too. So, I think, in conclusion, you must be physically attracted to eachother to some degree, and you must have personalities that get along well together. And you know what, I think everyone here feels roughly the same way I do. no? lol, when i saw you had posted i thought you were gonna hurl on this thread. ;D |
|
|
|
Post by annaa on Feb 18, 2008 19:29:32 GMT -5
...and I have also heard the cruel expression that fat women are like mopeds - good fun to ride until your friends see you. That backs up my point... how others will see you with your potential girlfriend, is a big factor in whether or not you'll chose to persue a relationship. ...While some men deliberately go out with overweight women I wonder is this really because they are attracted to that or because they believe overweight women are less "high-maintenance" or less likely to reject them? Some men genuinely like it.. and contrary to what you/CarbonCopy or anyone else thinks, they don't have to be mentally ill and it needn't be a fetish. ...if you are comfortable with yourself - good for you but if you complain about not being able to find someone and how it is oh so ridiculous that a guy would state his preferences on his dating profile, this is what you may get. I think you forgot to add, "take that, bitch!" Well it certainly feels he should have added that.
....I saw a guy that I almost messaged, until I saw he wrote his ideal mate was to weigh 90 - 130 pounds. Didn't know whether to laugh or cry. ....I was thinking along the lines of "average (British)" height when I wrote what I did about 'not being 90 lbs'.... The average British woman is 5"4. For her to be 90lbs, that would be underweight. That was why I thought it was absurd. Yes i'm single - but is that really because i'm overweight? Or is it because I don't leave the fucking house?  Does that sound like i'm complaining about not being able to find someone (due to my weight)? MrNice, does spending your spare time on a shy forum, insulting an 18 year old, making you feel "like a man"? I know this pick up artist stuff might discourage you from showing empathy, but try - at 18 years old, how would you have felt if a 27 year old woman insulted you the way you've insulted me? What would you have thought of her? I stick by my original statement that you are an asshole. If you'd like to pretend this post never happened because you can't handle the truth, be my guest. Why don't some of the men want to believe that I could have a happy relationship in my future, even if I stayed overweight? Spiteful bloody people if you ask me. I'll meet you all at this thread in 10 years time. We'll talk about our experiences with relationships then - i'm confident i'll have found someone who loves me for who I am. |
|
|
|
Post by strawberrysweetie on Feb 18, 2008 19:41:59 GMT -5
URRRRRRRRRR.....this is sooo frustrating for me. AuroraSky, I don't mind your feedback on the topic at all, but my questions were directed specifically to carboncopy...in hopes of making a point. I'm not sure if you've read every single one of my posts in this entire thread, but you are missing the key point to why I am even going on and on about this. Surely that validates carboncopy's point that many men want a women of proportional size and aren't attracted to larger women? I stated somewhere, several times actually, that I realize most men are attracted to slimmer women. *sigh* That's not what I'm arguing at all. So I would say that to deny attraction as being important, in ourselves or in choosing a partner, is to make a serious error. We should want someone who loves us for ourselves, but force that person to be so spiritual that they ignore our lack of care about our own appearance. I am by no means trying to say that physical attraction has no importance at all. It's been said many times before and by several people, but I'll state it again...everyone is attracted to something different and turned-off by different things. That's how it is, and I understand that...FULLY. If I find a guy attractive, I personally could really care less as to whether or not my friends find him attractive. As long as I like him and he likes me, that's all that matters, imo. THESE ARE MY 2 MAIN REASONS FOR ARGUING: 1) To point out that weight-loss is not as easy as some think and that it takes a lot more than just knowing when to “put down the fork”---weight loss is a surface issue. There are many possible reasons behind the act of overeating and the continuation of unhealthy eating. Many people try to diet, but fall off the wagon, so to speak. Why? Because they decided they liked being fat and liked being ridiculed by our society? I think not. There’s really a lot more behind it. Ferret and Lenny have both mentioned it not being easy for everyone…but carboncopy has yet to say anything about it. To him, it is simple. But, he obviously could care less. All he seems to be worried about is that the more overweight people there are, the less amount of women that will be in his pool of prospective partners. I’m not saying carboncopy can automatically stop being unattracted to overweight women...nor am I even saying he should try to. Rather, I think it’s wonderful for anyone to try and realize the root of people’s problems…otherwise, one begins looking upon others with disgust (which he seems to be doing). 2) Being in a relationship with an overweight partner, does not necessarily mean that one is “settling.” Carboncopy doesn’t like overweight women? Fine. That doesn’t mean there aren’t men out there who think otherwise. Overweight people can have a happy and healthy relationship. Being overweight doesn't make you less of a person. Look at my hypothetical situation again. A man who prefers slim woman that marries one who seems to be the perfect match for years. Then after a difficult pregnancy, the woman begins to gain weight and starts to struggle emotionally. Will the man still love her and still find her at least somewhat attractive? Or will the man become so disgusted by his wife’s downhill struggle that he can no longer take it? Carboncopy is supposed to look at the situation from his own opinion and form a prediction. Lsdima is more than welcome to answer any of my questions as well. This is just so frustrating for me, because I feel I'm screaming and screaming and clearly stating what I'm thinking....yet some people seem as if I'm speaking in tongues. I've restated certain points several times, and yet they go ignored. I'm saying what I'm saying mostly to try to lay out a foundation for understanding of the issue. If a person's problem seems simple and you can't understand why they behave the way they do...then it's obviously more complicated and there's no room for any so-called "advice." EDIT: I don't think it's the same guy, though. Doesn't really sound the same. The point I used to always argue with SolitarySoul about was when he said some people should just give up, which carboncopy has yet to bring up. Yeah...you're right, there are some significant differences. But, I remembered arguing about this same exact issue with ASolitarySoul. He drove me so mad. By the way, Lenny...thank God for you...you are a breath of much needed fresh air. |
|
|
|
Post by skyhint on Feb 18, 2008 19:58:59 GMT -5
Do I dare? why not? OK IMO you cannot get more attractive because everyone's tastes are different. Do I lose weight? some men like curves. Do I wear more make-up? some men like a more natural look. And Mr.Nice has a point about looking for someone in your own league, and so do others who say its not just about looks, it is compatable personalities too. So, I think, in conclusion, you must be physically attracted to eachother to some degree, and you must have personalities that get along well together. And you know what, I think everyone here feels roughly the same way I do. no? lol, when i saw you had posted i thought you were gonna hurl on this thread. ;D Sorry if you miss it. Its just that I spend good money on my food. over all I think we all agree on the topics being discussed, we're just each expressing the same idea with different words. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 18, 2008 20:16:16 GMT -5
lol, when i saw you had posted i thought you were gonna hurl on this thread. ;D Sorry if you miss it. Its just that I spend good money on my food. over all I think we all agree on the topics being discussed, we're just each expressing the same idea with different words. one would like to think so, but i really don't know. when you're on a support forum where people come to know each other over time, yet still some choose to post hurtful things to others...all the time justifying it in some convoluted way...you start to really wonder where their hearts are at...or if they even have one. people can feel however they want to feel obviously, but personally i don't think there's ever a good excuse to be cruel to someone who is obviously in pain. i learned at an early age just because i believe something is true, that doesn't mean it's a good idea to say it to anyone in any circumstance. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 18, 2008 20:30:55 GMT -5
yep, heartless...just what i figured.
|
|
|
|
Post by annaa on Feb 18, 2008 20:39:00 GMT -5
Fair enough, but it may turn out that you will miss out on a perfect guy for just that reason.... He wouldn't be perfect then, would he? It may be shallow, but it's true. I am not TELLING anyone to get in shape either. It's not an attack, it's advice. You already told me you can't give me "advice" on my "unique situation". Yes that is true that at various times and even today in some societies there is preference for overweight people. It usually happens in places where food is scarce and voluptuousness became equated with health. In places where food is scarce... this is total bull. Nothing ever applies to everybody. There are always exceptions... Except of course when it comes to your hatred for fatties. ...Relationship choices for women skyrocket when they are of proportional weight. Skyrocket... with men who shout stuff out at you on the street. Who gives a damn? They're the sort that will move on to the next girl without a second thought. To answer your question directly - neither. There has to be a little bit of physical attraction. The difference I see is that a fat girl can lose weight while the ugly girl doesn't have the luxury of exchanging her face. Well, maybe with plastic surgery, but that's another story and it doesn't change anything in this context. You're going to be incredibly lonely. |
|
|
|
Post by Sweet Pea on Feb 18, 2008 20:53:17 GMT -5
soooo...back to bodhi's original topic. tips on starting a relationship. well, i've had a few. so let me think about what i can share with you. honestly, both of the men i married and several of the men i dated long-term did have one thing in common. early on in the relationship they expressed admiration for something about me that had nothing to do with my appearance. for example, a man i was married to for 16 years said to me shortly after he met me that he admired the fact that i had the guts to buck social conventions. i'm not sure this kind of thing would work on every girl. but i've always preferred to be admired for my character first, something most of the guys who have hit on me over the years seem to give no thought to.
|
|
|
|
Post by phoenixferret on Feb 18, 2008 21:29:38 GMT -5
I made an argument that there is a relatively small percentage of men who switch between many women while most men struggle to find any relationship. I also said that women gravitate to those promiscuous guys and fall for their tricks. WRONG YES AHHHHHHHHHhhh. |
|
