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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 6, 2004 10:26:55 GMT -5
Congratulations on the progress, Max!! ;D That's great news. I started out taking steps that seemed to me to be both miniscule yet overwhelmingly huge. In time, the results snowballed, and the steps came closer together and got bigger. So keep at it, and NEVER beat yourself up!! Good for you!
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Post by sushiboat on Oct 6, 2004 12:58:01 GMT -5
Max, be careful about building castles in the air. All this thinking about girls liking you and wedded bliss is just putting pressure on yourself. It's better to think, "Here is a woman I might be interested in. Let me find out a little more." You really know almost nothing about her. That's OK. You take a chance. Maybe she responds positively. If not, you move on to the next one.
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Post by Max Power on Oct 6, 2004 15:21:15 GMT -5
Max, be careful about building castles in the air. All this thinking about girls liking you and wedded bliss is just putting pressure on yourself. It's better to think, "Here is a woman I might be interested in. Let me find out a little more." You really know almost nothing about her. That's OK. You take a chance. Maybe she responds positively. If not, you move on to the next one. Yes sushiboat, you are 100% correct. Most of it is because I have such low self esteem, I always get cheered up when a girl seemingly likes me, and especially if it's a girl I previously liked. Truthfully, I would be saddened if nothing came of this, but I will move on, more fish in the sea I guess.
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ShyOne
Junior Member
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Post by ShyOne on Oct 6, 2004 18:54:15 GMT -5
so Max how did it go today?
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Post by Max Power on Oct 6, 2004 21:30:51 GMT -5
so Max how did it go today? I didn't see her today. She either didn't show up or I missed her. I did see her male friend, but she was nowhere in sight, so maybe she just didn't show up to the cafeteria. But thanks for asking. On a related note you should check this new thread I put up. shyunited.proboards15.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&thread=1097116117It involved another girl that I like, but one who I don't take seriously because I don't get any vibes from her. But this incident kinda screwed up the rest of my day...
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ShyOne
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Post by ShyOne on Oct 7, 2004 19:52:01 GMT -5
that dumb cashier is a fucking bitch, she had a bad day and took it out on you, that is so not right. so Max, how did it go today? ??
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Post by Max Power on Oct 7, 2004 20:39:03 GMT -5
that dumb cashier is a fucking bitch, she had a bad day and took it out on you, that is so not right. so Max, how did it go today? ?? Second day in a row that I didn't see Pixie Girl. She must be on vacation for Columbus Day weekend, but then again, it ws such a nice day out that she probably enjoyed the outdoors. If I see her tomorrow it will be interesting because I'm having lunch with a friend who she may think is my girlfriend. Well, we'll see... and thanks for asking ShyOne. I'll report tomorrow right after lunch.
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ShyOne
Junior Member
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Post by ShyOne on Oct 8, 2004 20:11:42 GMT -5
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Post by Max Power on Oct 8, 2004 21:04:05 GMT -5
Naw. Shucks. I did see her two male friends who she usually has lunch with, but she wasn't there, so maybe she was on vacation. But for a brief moment I thought about approaching them, but the thought of talking to her friends about her was more intimidating than talking to her. Well, I'll be thinking about her all weekend until Tuesday. Hopefully she'll be there.
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ShyOne
Junior Member
Posts: 69
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Post by ShyOne on Oct 9, 2004 9:51:04 GMT -5
I hope you'll see her soon.keep us posted.
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Post by Heather on Oct 9, 2004 13:07:48 GMT -5
Max Power, I just posted my first message today, but I often lurk on this board and really feel for you. Your story actually gives me hope for my own problems with a shy guy. It is so much easier to be objective when you are an uninvolved third party commenting on the situation. Things are much more clear.
It seems as though there are many men out there who really hunger for a real relationship, but are too afraid to do what it takes to get it. I admire you for taking note of your past mistakes with women you liked and admitting that you need that you need to change your behavior if you don't want to miss out on other potential opportunities. This is the first step. Now all you need to do is act.
Just a few notes from a girl's point of view...
If she is looking, there is a reason--and I'd be willing to bet that it isn't because she is repulsed by you. I say you take it as a hint. Women, as independent as some of us are, still like for men to make the first move. Some of us are even really stubborn (or shy) and refuse to ask a guy out. That said, if we want for a guy to ask us out, we always send some sort of signal/hint--like letting the guy catch us sneaking a peek at him from across a crowded room. I think that you are safe.
Second, I am a big believer in gut feelings. If you are getting the distinct feeling that she may be interested, then she probably is. In my life, I have only met one person who consistently deluded herself about how men felt about her. She was so arrogant that she often misinterpreted mens' behavior with her. She thought that everyone was in love with her. You don't seem to be so arrogant or, forgive me, so confident that you let yourself believe that someone is interested that really isn't giving you any signs. If anything, you believe that no woman could ever go for you, right? If you ask me, this means that you can trust you instincts all the more. Again, if you feel that she in interested, she probably is. You don't seem to be the kind of person that would kid himself about that.
One more thing. Of course I think that you should make your move because if you don't, then you will regret it like the other times in your past. But equally as important, I think that you should make your move soon because of a strange, but fundamental, difference between men and women (at least this is something that I have noticed). If you wait a long time to make your move and the tension between you builds, it can be exciting. However, if you wait too long, at a certain point the girl will almost always start feeling insecure and wonder why you haven't approached her. She will start to doubt herself and worry that she misread your signals and that you don't really like her. This can really hurt her feelings and cause her to lose hope and shut down. A girl can only wait so long or do so much before it gets humiliating for her. Once this happens, she'll give up on you. And once she gives up on you, she will never be able to regain the same interest. She will count you out as a potential partner and even if you start to get close to her, she may only see you as a friend. This may sound extreme, but I really believe it. If, for some reason, a girl still accepts a guy after they become friends like that, I think it means that she hadn't yet completely counted him out. I think that this is different than most guys. Guys seem to be able to fall for a girl at any given time. Bottom line, there is a window of opportunity in which you have to make your move. If you wait too long, you risk turning her off, never to return. I also think that this rule applies to dating. If you go out often and have a great time, but don't kiss her within the window of opportunity, you'll cross that line into friendship--and it will be too late for her.
These are only my opinions and of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I hope this helps!
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Post by Max Power on Oct 9, 2004 15:40:50 GMT -5
Thank you so much Heather, this does help a great deal. I think the window of opportunity is there with this one because I've only begun to show interest within the last couple of weeks now that The Girl With The Glasses has gone. The biggest thing that stops me with Pixie Girl is wondering what the heck does this girl see in me? And not only that, there are a ton of new faces in the cafeteria, and I know I don't compare to them. If she knew me and my personality, then I would say ok, she is fond of me. But this seems to be based on physical attraction alone, and I am completely flattered and baffled at the same time. I mean me compared to those guys is like comparing a gorgeous wedding cake to a slop of mud. I kinda feel like that pug-looking dog in the dog pound surrounded by these gorgeous cocker spaniels and golden retrievers, and I know the family won't pick my ugly tookus. But then again Jessica Rabbit loved her Roger. I've got to act fast before it's too late!
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Post by Heather on Oct 9, 2004 18:31:29 GMT -5
Max, my best advice is that you stop concentrating so much on comparing yourself to the other guys in the cafeteria and concentrate on yourself, and only yourself. We all have our insecurities, but if you continue to compare yourself to the guys that YOU think are hot, then you will never be happy with yourself--and I really believe that self-acceptance is the key to happiness.
Your own self-concept may prevent you from being able to understand how Pixie Girl could ever be attracted to you, but remember that you are not in her head. You have no idea what type of men she is attracted to--and believe me, not all women are attracted to traditionally HOT men. I, for one, much prefer men who are shy and not traditionally hot. I like the idea that a guy hasn't been with a ton of women. It would make me feel more special to him--and most women agree with me. One thing that really makes me laugh about many of the articles I read online about dating is that lots of people seem to give men advice that applies to a very specific group of men--men who want a trophy chick. They say you have to be exude confidence, not call a girl right away, etc, etc. These suggestions are like "The Rules" for guys. And if you follow "The Rules" you are going to win yourself a woman who is most likely superficial and responds to game playing. The fact of the matter is that most people want a sincere and genuine partner that they can have a real relationship with--not the masculine equilavent to a Barbie doll (which I supose would be Ken). This is one thing that I think many shy guys fail to realize. From reading the posts in this forum, I gather that shy guys, just like you said Max, feel inferior to other men and can't imagine how the girl they like could possibly choose them over others. Most women want real relationships with real men, not necessarily hot men. Maybe shy guys don't realize this because it is natural for a guy to first fall for a girl on a physical level and then on an emotional/mental level. It isn't like this for women. Women tend to fall for the guy's personality first, then become physically attracted to him. So, if you think about it, it is much better to be an unattractive man than an unattractive woman, if you are looking for a date. There are a lot of compassionate women out there who just want a nice guy. Believe me, I sit around and talk about this crap with my girlfriends all of the time.
It all boils down to chemistry. You could be the ugliest guy in the room, but if she feels a spark for you, then you are the only guy she sees. And the basis for any relationship is chemistry!
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 10, 2004 12:08:06 GMT -5
Brilliant advice from Heather! And Max, women are far better at reading nonverbal signals than men, so this woman probably knows, perhaps at a subconscious level, all kinds of things about you based on the way you carry yourself, interact with other people, etc. Don't question why she likes you, just accept that she seems to and go with it!
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ShyOne
Junior Member
Posts: 69
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Post by ShyOne on Oct 10, 2004 16:39:39 GMT -5
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