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Post by Max Power on Oct 10, 2004 17:18:57 GMT -5
ACME? Isn't that the company that sells Wily E Coyote those defective bombs and rockets, and now they're giving out advice on how to approach women? What do I have to do, drop an anvil on a seesaw? In all seriousness, I am glad I saw this, thanks ShyOne. It really gave me some pointers, although some of the things they list me not to do, I usually do, so I'll have to practice. Because of my shyness and low self esteem, I may appear desperate even though it is not my intention. I always spew out jokes a mile a minute, so having her laugh is no problem. They mention about now trying to put her on a pedastal, which is my biggest problem. My psychologist told me that part of my fear of women is the fact that I worship them, and that is so true.  And Heather, thanks again for all your help, a woman's point of view is definitely what I need. Actually, thank you all who have posted and given me advice.  |
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Post by Max Power on Oct 11, 2004 19:58:39 GMT -5
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 11, 2004 22:46:22 GMT -5
They mention about now trying to put her on a pedastal, which is my biggest problem. If you put a woman on a pedestal, it just makes it easier for her to kick you in the face. |
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Post by Icarus X on Oct 11, 2004 22:58:17 GMT -5
If she doesn't like you, you'll find out she doesn't like you, which will be pretty awful, but at least you'll know and you can move on. If she thinks you're too silly, you'll find out she's too boring, and you probably wouldn't actually like her anyway. If you don't even approach her, you'll never know, and you'll end up wondering what could have happened, and not knowing what she's really like, just like with the Girl with Glasses. On the other hand, it could turn out that she actually likes you. I don't think you need anyone to tell you why that's a good thing. Anyway, good luck tomorrow. I hope you find the courage to do it. |
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Post by CaryGrant on Oct 12, 2004 11:03:37 GMT -5
Good luck, Maximum Power! This advice is probably too late, but let the future unfold as it will. It puts a lot of pressure on you - and her - if you're already thinking about Christmas with her. It's much easier to just think you're going to talk to this girl you like and see where it goes.
And let us know how it goes!
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Post by Max Power on Oct 12, 2004 13:49:41 GMT -5
Well nothing happened today. I saw her very briefly on line waiting to pay for her meal, and this is where my eye contact failed me.  I tried to look at her, but I got so nervous because I totally got discombobulated and simply did not want her to feel uncomfortable. But I did try later on, about 10 minutes later. I went to buy some dessert, but I didn't see her. If I did, I would've definitely smiled and subtly show her that I'm interested, just a smile and a hello. I'll try tomorrow, but it's so difficult to find the opening to make things happen. I just need that one opportunity... |
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Cactus
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Post by Cactus on Oct 12, 2004 18:11:00 GMT -5
Max, I'm thinking that the main problem here is that you keep waiting for the opportunity.... You've already told us how many opportunities you've missed in the past. Opportunities are what happen when preparedness meets a bit of luck. You've already had the luck part (you just don't realize it). You have to be more prepared. It sounds like you're working on it, but perhaps you should try preparing yourself to make a little of your own luck (you still with me here?  ). If you always see her in the cafeteria, scope the place out. I think it's safe to say that you know the places around the room that she's been and what kinds of things she does there. If you're observing her, then you should notice these things. For example, you've noticed her waiting in line to pay for her lunch. Now what opportunities can you create for yourself? Is there a napkin dispenser near the cash? Straws? Something you could just walk over and take as if you needed it? Timing is important here. If she's in line, try to find a way to be in her vacinity. Scenario: She's in line, waiting to pay, you suddenly discover that you don't have a napkin, straw, bottle of water...so you go up to the cash, counter, wherever...and get some. She just happens to be there. Surprise, surprise. While you've got your mitts on the napkins, try to make a little eye contact and smile. Say "hey" and give her a slight "acknowledgement" nod of your head. If there's nothing of that sort going on in the cash out area, then look around the room at places she's been or will be and discover reasons to get yourself there (even if it's only for a few moments) the next time she shows up. Does this sound silly? Perhaps it does, but it may work. If you just sit there eating your lunch when she comes in and you don't do anything, don't get up and go over (somehow), the opportunity that you're waiting for may never come. That would not be cool Max.  Be a boyscout! Be prepared! ;D |
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Cactus
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Post by Cactus on Oct 12, 2004 18:41:18 GMT -5
That's a lot of what if's Max. So, I'll add another one. What if every negative thing you think about yourself is wrong? The thing is, the "what if's" are the reason you don't have the confidence to go through with approaching her. They all have a negative spin. What if you're totally right about the way she feels about you? What if she does like you? What if she doesn't think you're silly, but rather charming instead? You see? You're asking yourself the wrong questions. If you really must ask them, at least see them through to their logical conclusions. What if you're totally wrong about the way she feels about you? Then what? Are you going to die? No. Spontaneously combust? Possibly. Will you be able to get over it? Almost certainly. Then you can move on with your life. If you don't try, there's no chance. So, now the most important what if question of all. What if you never take the chances that you want to take, never risk embarrassment, never push beyond the insecurity? Then what? Will you be alone? Most probably. Will you be unhappy? Most definitely. Will you die? Not straight away, but we all eventually do. Do you want to be alone for that? Can you honestly say that you're willing to take the risk of a lifetime of loneliness and unhappiness rather than say "hello" because an empty lifetime is easier to deal with? That makes no sense. I know you can do it, Max. Go for it!  |
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Post by Max Power on Oct 13, 2004 13:24:54 GMT -5
Well, there is closure to this matter... I was having lunch with my female friend today, so I entered the cafeteria a little later than Pixie Girl. As I walked to the cashier to pay for my lunch, I saw Pixie Girl sitting near the utensils table, so I started to get nervous and fumble my change. After paying for my meal, I walked up to the utensils table and got forks & knives for me and my friend and we sat down in a booth near Pixie Girl's. Here's where it gets bad... really bad. I didn't sit facing Pixie Girl like I wanted to because, of course I shy, and I chickened out of eye contact. But my friend had a good view of her. I told my friend, "you see the girl with the reddish brown hair next to the utensils table... that's her. That's the girl I want to talk to." So during our lunch, she was checking her out. After about ten minutes, I decided to get some dessert, not because I wanted dessert, but because I wanted to make some eye contact with Pixie Girl to subtly show her that I'm interested. Again, I get nervous and start fumbling with my change at the cash register, and as I made my way to my seat, I hurried, because in the back of my mind I thought that if I look at her, she'll feel uncomfortable. So eye contact on this day went out the window. Now here's where it gets worse... really worse. When I sat back down, my friend pointed something out to me that I never even bothered looking for, and when she saw it, I was immediately crushed and devastated... A wedding band. Pixie Girl is married. This happened about 30 minutes ago. I cannot describe my low feelings right now. As the Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons said, "There is no emoticon that can express what I am feeling." So I'll stick to these.   What about those clues she gave me? What about the double take? What about all those times she made eye contact with me that seemed more than just looking at a guy? What about last friday, when I saw her at the edge of her seat catching glances at me? Was this her actually finding me attractive? I just don't fucking get it. This is a major major MAJOR setback for me. I now feel that I will die a lonely man, that I will never have anyone in my life. This is worse than her turning me down. I misinterpreted her clues. So I must've been wrong about The Girl With The Glasses, too. About my crushes throughout school. I am just a man who fantasizes about women liking him, and as soon as someone makes eye contact with me, then they like me. I am a disillusioned little prick! I probably fucking deserve this torturous shit! I AM SICK AND TIRED OF BEING LONELY! This will be yet another year I don't get to have a good, perhaps romantic time with my lady during this upcoming holiday season. I am sick of seeing all these couples in the street holding hands, cuddling and enjoying each other's company while I sit here with a fucking empty heart! I am sick sick sick of it!!! |
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Post by sushiboat on Oct 13, 2004 16:04:45 GMT -5
A major, major setback? Don't be silly. You built castles in the air, and now they have come crashing down. In reality, you have lost nothing except your balance, and that will return over time.
You did one thing right. You recruited your female friend as an ally. Now, don't go dumping all your problems and insecurities on her. But every now and then, mention things such as a woman who looks interesting, or ask her advice. Do not spill everything at once. Do not cling. But do share a little of your world at a time, and she may be able to give you some tips and confidence.
By the way, married women can find men other than their husbands attractive. Everyone is free to look, even when more is out of the question. Of course, I don't recommend going any further down that road, but Pixie Girl may have found you physically attractive. It's also possible that you remind her of someone else, or a thousand other possibilities.
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Post by Carlsberg on Oct 13, 2004 22:06:47 GMT -5
I read all the posts in this thread and also previous related thread. I agree with sushiboat that assuming all those women liked you was like building castles in the air. On the other hand I wouldn't be completely devastated. You said it's hopeless because the girl you like is married. Just because she wears her wedding ring does not mean she feels no attraction to other men. Furthermore, even if she does not like you "that" way, who's to say your previous crushes didn't have feelings for you. Don't over-generalize. I think your biggest problem is that you set yourself up for major disasters. If you like a girl, don't wait too long before giving her some clear signals. Waiting for months or even years justs builds up your anxiety about the outcome. It's much easier and less painful to let go of a girl if you fancied her for a week rather than two years. It doesn't mean you'll always fail, but generally you have to approach a number of people before you find the right person who will share your feelings. If you hold out and only make your move every few months/years than surely you will continue to have huge trouble finding a significant other. So play the percentages... |
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Post by Max Power on Oct 13, 2004 22:56:13 GMT -5
Yes, you and sushiboat are right. I'm still pretty upset at the outcome, and I've been weighing the two outcomes. The Girl With The Glasses left without me finding out or talking to her, so I will never know. Pixie Girl is married, so I do know, and it hurts. Shame on me for letting my fantasy destroy my reality. I am just glad I didn't embarrass myself finding out. You did one thing right. You recruited your female friend as an ally. Now, don't go dumping all your problems and insecurities on her. But every now and then, mention things such as a woman who looks interesting, or ask her advice. Do not spill everything at once. Do not cling. But do share a little of your world at a time, and she may be able to give you some tips and confidence. I will take this to heart. Her attraction to me, if that's what it was, is not what bothers me. You see, this was a thorny situation to begin with. I noticed The Girl With The Glasses 3 years ago, admired her from afar without saying a word to her, and then noticed that she noticed me. She definitely knew something was up from her body language and her friends' actions towards me, whether it was knowing I liked her, or her miraculously feeling something for me, who knows. But with Pixie Girl, I never even knew she existed because of my fascination with The Girl With The Glasses. But then, day after day, I slowly noticed that she sat facing me damn near every day. No big deal, I shrugged it off. Sure everytime I looked at her she was looking at me and she quickly looked away, but maybe I'm in her line of view. But as time grew, I began analyzing her body language and eye contact, and I thought there was a spark. Even two weeks ago, as I was walking out, I struck up the nerve to look her way, and I caught her looking at me. Last friday was so unusual, because she was sitting at the edge of her booth, which was the only way she could see me because of another booth blocking our paths. But hey, now I know, and as they used to say in G.I. Joe, "Knowing is half the battle." You built castles in the air, and now they have come crashing down. Like a ton of bricks. |
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Post by Carlsberg on Oct 13, 2004 23:12:28 GMT -5
Yes, now that I am in my twenties I made it a habit to check out a girl's left hand even before I check out her legs... ;D
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Post by Kitten on Oct 14, 2004 8:42:28 GMT -5
Aw, Max, don't you think you're being a bit dramatic?  Think about it. It's not like she rejected you, you just found out a woman that you like is married. I'm assuming she's at least in her 20's so it's not uncommon. Besides, you barely knew this woman. This doesn't mean that you'll end up alone, forever. So, she's off-limits, but that doesn't mean she wasn't checking you out--just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't still look at the menu. ;D Also, think about what happened here--you were so busy checking out Girl With the Glasses that you didn't even notice Pixie Girl looking at you--maybe you've been so focused on Pixie Girl now that you've been oblivious to other women looking your way. You never know. |
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Post by Michael1973 on Oct 14, 2004 9:27:19 GMT -5
As one of my co-workers is fond of saying, "It could be worse". Think about it. What if you'd finally find the courage to talk to her, THEN noticed the wedding ring?
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). If you always see her in the cafeteria, scope the place out. I think it's safe to say that you know the places around the room that she's been and what kinds of things she does there. If you're observing her, then you should notice these things. For example, you've noticed her waiting in line to pay for her lunch. Now what opportunities can you create for yourself? Is there a napkin dispenser near the cash? Straws? Something you could just walk over and take as if you needed it? Timing is important here. If she's in line, try to find a way to be in her vacinity. Scenario: She's in line, waiting to pay, you suddenly discover that you don't have a napkin, straw, bottle of water...so you go up to the cash, counter, wherever...and get some. She just happens to be there. Surprise, surprise. While you've got your mitts on the napkins, try to make a little eye contact and smile. Say "hey" and give her a slight "acknowledgement" nod of your head. If there's nothing of that sort going on in the cash out area, then look around the room at places she's been or will be and discover reasons to get yourself there (even if it's only for a few moments) the next time she shows up. 
Be a boyscout! Be prepared! ;D
Think about it. It's not like she rejected you, you just found out a woman that you like is married. I'm assuming she's at least in her 20's so it's not uncommon. Besides, you barely knew this woman. This doesn't mean that you'll end up alone, forever.