Post by quiet on Nov 29, 2007 13:16:40 GMT -5
context: I would hope that I meet _someone's_ definition of nice. (I try to.)
I concur with what others have said about hiding. It certainly applies to me. In general, I find neither the community at large nor the college scene "nice". Hence, hanging out in a public place (generally or at college) hoping to meet people isn't really pleasant or useful for me. I'm sure the nice people are there but they're absolutely swamped by people I'd rather not be around.
People whose preferred hang out spots are clubs and bars aren't really what I want so I don't go to clubs or bars.
I imagine that most of us have at least one or two nice friends. I particularly enjoy meeting my friends' other friends because there are relatively favourable odds that they're nice too, given that my nice friends choose to hang out with them. If you like the people you meet, you may well end up meeting _their_ other friends too, again with good odds of liking them. Gatherings such as a friend's barbecue or dinner party are ideal for this sort of thing. Doing something like going out for pizza with a friend or two and some of their friends or classmates after exams is also worth considering. In my experience, going to a movie with a group isn't much good for social interaction because watching a movie is an individual activity and it's a bit awkward to start talking to new people over coffee afterwards after two hours of ignoring them. While meeting friends of friends is good, it does present the hazard of, without realising it, "stealing" someone your friend was hoping to get closer to. I think it's worth being careful about that.
In principal, special interest groups represent a significantly better than average opportunity for meeting good people becuase the membership is a self-selected group who use their brains in some way and/or are interested in something other than getting drunk and having meaningless sex (aka “partying”). Unfortunately, the demographics where I live are not conducive to the formation of interest groups so I don't have much first-hand experience of them and can therefore make little further comment other than to say that I suspect groups which have both genders significantly represented may offer more comfortable dynamics for getting to know people than those which comprise near-exclusively the opposite gender, in which case all eyes are likely to be on you.
One class of special interest group which I _do_ have access to and find quite agreeable are those involving the outdoors. Both genders are represented as appreciation of neither nature or exercise is gender-specific, unlike, say, appreciation of computer programming which, sadly, apparently largely is. Outdoor people seem pleasant. I hypothesize that this is because they self-select on the basis that they enjoy simple things in life and have at least some spirit of adventure, in addition to the general qualities of people who choose to join interest groups listed above. I'm particularly pleased with a casual (trail-)running group that I joined recently. It's a bit specific and vigorous to attract unsophisticated hippies but doesn't offer enough opportunity for competition to attract jocks. It's full of normal people looking for a bit of exercise and natural beauty on a mid-week evening.
Other sports clubs can offer opportunities too. It seems to me that sports which are relatively obscure and/or less-competitive and/or not about pure strength are associated with more interesting people, less aggression (hence less over-representation of males too, especially those I'd consider the wrong ones) and more opportunity for friendliness. Two examples which I have enough information to cite with reasonable confidence (although I have not personally been involved in either) are table tennis and badminton.
Getting a bit more exercise as part of the deal is a benefit too.
I haven't done much going to movies by myself but I did on Sunday night, half-hoping I'd get to smile at and say "hi" to someone else there by themselves. There are some cinemas here that show relatively obscure and "challenging" movies instead of the conventional mindless drivel. They seem like a much better option for meeting the right kind of people than standard movie-houses. I figure that one is more likely to notice the few other people there by themselves in a fairly empty screening on an evening somewhere between Sunday and Thursday than one is on a Friday or Saturday. Also, if others feel the way I do about going by myself, they'd prefer to go on a quiet night anyway.
While it's logically _necessary_ to be around people in order to meet someone new, it is not a sufficient condition. I try on a daily basis to be attentive to those around me. I'm not cool with approaching a girl out of nowhere and trying to get friendly with her as if I know I'm just what she needs. (She would have to tell me I am for me to think that.) If I see a girl and could imagine myself talking to or hugging her (and like the thought), I try to make eye-contact with her. The idea is as follows: If she is interested in making contact with people around her, she'll be receptive enough for me to establish a moment of eye contact. If that's successful, I break the eye contact again so as not to stare. If she's completely uninterested in me, I won't be able to re-establish the eye contact. However, if I can, I can give her a smile. If I get a smile back, I feel welcome to go say "hi".
It's not necessarily the most efficient procedure. I've never actually got to speak to someone this way. Maybe it's worth knowing that at least one person tries to make contact this way, though.
I don’t actually have much experience of meeting people. These are just my thoughts on the matter.
I concur with what others have said about hiding. It certainly applies to me. In general, I find neither the community at large nor the college scene "nice". Hence, hanging out in a public place (generally or at college) hoping to meet people isn't really pleasant or useful for me. I'm sure the nice people are there but they're absolutely swamped by people I'd rather not be around.
People whose preferred hang out spots are clubs and bars aren't really what I want so I don't go to clubs or bars.
I imagine that most of us have at least one or two nice friends. I particularly enjoy meeting my friends' other friends because there are relatively favourable odds that they're nice too, given that my nice friends choose to hang out with them. If you like the people you meet, you may well end up meeting _their_ other friends too, again with good odds of liking them. Gatherings such as a friend's barbecue or dinner party are ideal for this sort of thing. Doing something like going out for pizza with a friend or two and some of their friends or classmates after exams is also worth considering. In my experience, going to a movie with a group isn't much good for social interaction because watching a movie is an individual activity and it's a bit awkward to start talking to new people over coffee afterwards after two hours of ignoring them. While meeting friends of friends is good, it does present the hazard of, without realising it, "stealing" someone your friend was hoping to get closer to. I think it's worth being careful about that.
In principal, special interest groups represent a significantly better than average opportunity for meeting good people becuase the membership is a self-selected group who use their brains in some way and/or are interested in something other than getting drunk and having meaningless sex (aka “partying”). Unfortunately, the demographics where I live are not conducive to the formation of interest groups so I don't have much first-hand experience of them and can therefore make little further comment other than to say that I suspect groups which have both genders significantly represented may offer more comfortable dynamics for getting to know people than those which comprise near-exclusively the opposite gender, in which case all eyes are likely to be on you.
One class of special interest group which I _do_ have access to and find quite agreeable are those involving the outdoors. Both genders are represented as appreciation of neither nature or exercise is gender-specific, unlike, say, appreciation of computer programming which, sadly, apparently largely is. Outdoor people seem pleasant. I hypothesize that this is because they self-select on the basis that they enjoy simple things in life and have at least some spirit of adventure, in addition to the general qualities of people who choose to join interest groups listed above. I'm particularly pleased with a casual (trail-)running group that I joined recently. It's a bit specific and vigorous to attract unsophisticated hippies but doesn't offer enough opportunity for competition to attract jocks. It's full of normal people looking for a bit of exercise and natural beauty on a mid-week evening.
Other sports clubs can offer opportunities too. It seems to me that sports which are relatively obscure and/or less-competitive and/or not about pure strength are associated with more interesting people, less aggression (hence less over-representation of males too, especially those I'd consider the wrong ones) and more opportunity for friendliness. Two examples which I have enough information to cite with reasonable confidence (although I have not personally been involved in either) are table tennis and badminton.
Getting a bit more exercise as part of the deal is a benefit too.
I haven't done much going to movies by myself but I did on Sunday night, half-hoping I'd get to smile at and say "hi" to someone else there by themselves. There are some cinemas here that show relatively obscure and "challenging" movies instead of the conventional mindless drivel. They seem like a much better option for meeting the right kind of people than standard movie-houses. I figure that one is more likely to notice the few other people there by themselves in a fairly empty screening on an evening somewhere between Sunday and Thursday than one is on a Friday or Saturday. Also, if others feel the way I do about going by myself, they'd prefer to go on a quiet night anyway.
While it's logically _necessary_ to be around people in order to meet someone new, it is not a sufficient condition. I try on a daily basis to be attentive to those around me. I'm not cool with approaching a girl out of nowhere and trying to get friendly with her as if I know I'm just what she needs. (She would have to tell me I am for me to think that.) If I see a girl and could imagine myself talking to or hugging her (and like the thought), I try to make eye-contact with her. The idea is as follows: If she is interested in making contact with people around her, she'll be receptive enough for me to establish a moment of eye contact. If that's successful, I break the eye contact again so as not to stare. If she's completely uninterested in me, I won't be able to re-establish the eye contact. However, if I can, I can give her a smile. If I get a smile back, I feel welcome to go say "hi".
It's not necessarily the most efficient procedure. I've never actually got to speak to someone this way. Maybe it's worth knowing that at least one person tries to make contact this way, though.
I don’t actually have much experience of meeting people. These are just my thoughts on the matter.
