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Post by skyhint on Mar 8, 2006 2:08:53 GMT -5
I guess it depends on what you mean by nice guy.
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Post by arianna7 on Mar 8, 2006 12:40:56 GMT -5
The fact is that everyone says the worse thing a guy can do in a relationship is to be too nice. Even the female friends I know are very open about it, If a guy wont stand up to them they will either take advantage of him or leave him. I see it every day, nice guys struggle for dates while jerks have to fight the women off. I know you said you like being treated kindly but did you ever consider that maybe you are just different?  As I have said before people tend to say one thing and then do another, I try to judge by actions not words. I agree that actions are more important than words in most cases. I'm not in any position to contradict what you see/hear/experience around you. I have to say, though, that most of the people I have known or spent time around do not fall into this pattern of being nasty, or of tolerating nasty or abusive behavior from their boyfriend, husband, wife, etc.. That doesn't mean that everybody's relationships are great. I just don't see a lot of the kind of interactions you describe, although I've known a few couples who were like this. Of course these bad relationships are out there; I'm just not ready to admit it is so for the majority of cases, or that it is human/female nature. So much for anecdotal evidence.  I know I am different, but that is a whole other story. ;D |
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Post by reddragon on Mar 8, 2006 20:34:33 GMT -5
I agree that actions are more important than words in most cases. I'm not in any position to contradict what you see/hear/experience around you. I have to say, though, that most of the people I have known or spent time around do not fall into this pattern of being nasty, or of tolerating nasty or abusive behavior from their boyfriend, husband, wife, etc.. That doesn't mean that everybody's relationships are great. I just don't see a lot of the kind of interactions you describe, although I've known a few couples who were like this. Of course these bad relationships are out there; I'm just not ready to admit it is so for the majority of cases, or that it is human/female nature. Yes I will agree. If we are talking about existing relationships. However if we are talking about unattached females, then it is my experience that when presented with a choice she will pick the male that treats her the worse.  Yes it is also true that these relationships don't last. They tend to be short term hook ups only. This still leaves the nice guy in a bad way. How is a nice guy supposed to enter a relationship if women wont even consider them for a quick roll in the hay. ;D I am not saying this is completely true, However it has been my experience.  |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 8, 2006 22:57:15 GMT -5
Yes I will agree. If we are talking about existing relationships. However if we are talking about unattached females, then it is my experience that when presented with a choice she will pick the male that treats her the worse. Yes it is also true that these relationships don't last. They tend to be short term hook ups only. This still leaves the nice guy in a bad way. How is a nice guy supposed to enter a relationship if women wont even consider them for a quick roll in the hay. ;D I am not saying this is completely true, However it has been my experience. Ok so tell me how much of a turn on a passive, whiney, clingy, needy, doormat, lapdog of a girl is to you? |
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Post by reddragon on Mar 8, 2006 23:39:05 GMT -5
Yes I will agree. If we are talking about existing relationships. However if we are talking about unattached females, then it is my experience that when presented with a choice she will pick the male that treats her the worse. Yes it is also true that these relationships don't last. They tend to be short term hook ups only. This still leaves the nice guy in a bad way. How is a nice guy supposed to enter a relationship if women wont even consider them for a quick roll in the hay. ;D I am not saying this is completely true, However it has been my experience. Ok so tell me how much of a turn on a passive, whiney, clingy, needy, doormat, lapdog of a girl is to you? Three things: 1.) Gee I didn't realize I touched a nerve. ;D 2.) Since when does Nice = passive, whiney, clingy, needy, doormat, lapdog of a person. Believe me just because I'm nice, I'm still no ones lapdog. 3.) Right now Ill take anything even a passive, whiney, clingy, needy, doormat, lapdog of a girl will do for the moment.  |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 8, 2006 23:50:49 GMT -5
Three things: 1.) Gee I didn't realize I touched a nerve. ;D 2.) Since when does Nice = passive, whiney, clingy, needy, doormat, lapdog of a person. Believe me just because I'm nice, I'm still no ones lapdog. 3.) Right now Ill take anything even a passive, whiney, clingy, needy, doormat, lapdog of a girl will do for the moment. yeah I was egg agertating to make the point. ;D Settling for a luke warm pulse isn't exactly ummm well you know what I am trying to say. I guess knowing what you want and don't want can be considered attractive as that says confidence. Switch it around to a girl who is with you thinking gee he has a pulse and he is the best I can get as I have no idea what I want. Wouldn't that be a bit insulting and a turn off to you if you were deemed warm pulse guy. ;D |
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Post by reddragon on Mar 8, 2006 23:54:39 GMT -5
yeah I was egg agertating to make the point. ;D I think you just like to argue with me thats all.  |
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 9, 2006 0:03:15 GMT -5
I think you just like to argue with me thats all. friendly banter. ;D |
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Post by MrNice on Mar 9, 2006 10:05:08 GMT -5
what does she look like, what is she wearing, and how drunk am I? I just want to get the complete picture
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 16, 2006 1:31:43 GMT -5
In some of the posts I notice a lot of polarization, as if a guy is either heartless or too nice, and an improper suggestion that being one way will attract a woman while being the other way will repel her. I don't agree. Being either, neither or both is not what attracts a woman to a man. That's not the right idea, and not how to do it, in my opinion. The object - in the beginning - is to play the game a bit. The girl should at no time feel that she could have you for the taking. (And in fact, it should be the truth, that you are not for the taking - for guys, the more you develop your confidence to the point where you realize that you are a good catch and you will be the one to do the choosing, the better your dating life will go, because she will sense that independence in you, and that will make you worth landing).
Once you've got that part down, be nice and funny too, and always treat her with respect. Once you've got the independence down pat, there's no need to be less than nice. The reason you can be nice without fear of appearing weak is because your relationship is already founded on the fact that you aren't in need of her. Because she enjoys your company, it then becomes her job to wonder about how she can land you, and as uncomfortable as that might be for her, she needs that. That's why being nice without being independent first will not attract her past a date or two. If you are nice without being independent, you are an emotional liability for her, because you are, in fact, depending on her for your own emotional security.
This stance I'm suggesting is not a meanness on the part of men who understand this, it is simply putting the situation into the proper perspective to get it to work. Now, remember, I qualified my comments at the start by specifying that this course of action needs to be taken - in the beginning - .
To sum up, your confidence and emotional independence are your strongest tools toward making a dating relationship work according to your will. If you like a girl, it's your job make her in fact chase you without her ever becoming aware of the fact that you engineered her interest with the very smart use of your brain.
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 16, 2006 3:27:10 GMT -5
hmmm...somehow i don't think this would work unless she liked him to begin with. The question of the original post was not about how to start or the difference between how nice guys and not so nice guys start differently, but about the idea that nice guys finish last, and assumes an initial mutual interest in the budding young couple. If I misread the original writer's intent in posting, my apologies to all in the thread ...and..... Confidence and emotional independence are *always* more attractive traits than their opposites in healthy people, so much so that all else being equal and in a high percentage of cases, these traits alone will get a guy a first date he wouldn't be able to get without them. It's not a magic trick, but it is a fact that can be shown to be true in a statistical sense. So, despite the popular idea to the contrary, sometimes you *can* make somone like you, if you just know how. |
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Post by MrNice on Mar 16, 2006 10:48:21 GMT -5
The problem is that many guys view the some essential behaviour of being independent and flirting as 'being a jerk'. Things like teasing, not being available all the time, being sexually upfront.
yeah, but its completely different from what usually comes to mind such as 'not giving up hope' and trying to pester the girl after its clear that its not going to happen. You can make someone like you before they write you off emotionally.
If they don't like because of 'pride and prejudice' so to speak (such as I would never date someone wearing certain clothes) then its possible.
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Post by wagnerr on Mar 16, 2006 11:54:38 GMT -5
Most times i think women just like to make their lives as complicated as possible. That way, it's more interesting to them. |
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Post by MrNice on Mar 16, 2006 23:43:43 GMT -5
spg, this is a good example of teasing/flirting
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Mar 17, 2006 3:34:07 GMT -5
What is?
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As I have said before people tend to say one thing and then do another, I try to judge by actions not words.
