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Post by zaab on Mar 29, 2006 22:59:23 GMT -5
I know this may be the wrong place to ask this, but I'm curious. Do the women here see alot of this speed seduction behavior (cocky and funny, negative hits, kino, etc.) when you go out, and what do you think of it? Is it easy to spot? Are you impressed? Maybe I should start a new thread.
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Post by zaab on Mar 29, 2006 23:03:25 GMT -5
i have. yes, it is easy to spot once you know about it. Were you swept off your feet by it?
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 15:45:52 GMT -5
A tendency toward social fearfulness can be seen in some infants at birth. Jerome Kagan calls it an inhibited temperament. Most inhibited children don't become shy because they learn through positive experiences and encouragement that interacting with people is generally pleasant and rewarding. So, I disagree that confidence is always innate and shyness a product of social programming. Sushiboat, ahhh, the great debate surfaces again, this time making us ask ourselves "Is it nature, or is it nurture?" As for me, I put all that aside, because what I'm talking about is how men can realize when a woman starts to take the man for a ride, and it doesn't matter whether the man is shy by DNA or shy by upbringing. In other words, I believe that men can regain control of these situations by using their minds, regardless of how they ended up in the situation in the first place. Buy from a factual standpoint, your post about Kagan is right on the money!! Some quote his studies alot, others discount them completely. But your mention of Kagan is noteworthy!
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 15:48:11 GMT -5
It's actually not always true. In my personal opinion, I believe there is a reason for this false "truth" about our society today, and it actually backs up a religious arguement. Some of the nicest and most religious guys I know, have ended up with some of the hottest and sweetest girls (believe it or not, the Bible implys that they will), very happily married, even a lot of the time at early ages ... 18 - 25. My current girlfriend is my first, and I'm 99% sure is the only ... I'll be 19 in may. People have become religious simply by watching how this happened. I will not get into that subject here though. My point is, it depends on the person, more than just physically and emotionally. Scotty, we have to be careful to not make theory based only on our own personal observations. At the same time, we have to be able to tune into what might be understood as a general concensus without simply using 'general consensus' to promote our own ideas.
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 15:50:17 GMT -5
It's actually not always true. In my personal opinion, I believe there is a reason for this false "truth" about our society today, and it actually backs up a religious arguement. Some of the nicest and most religious guys I know, have ended up with some of the hottest and sweetest girls (believe it or not, the Bible implys that they will), very happily married, even a lot of the time at early ages ... 18 - 25. My current girlfriend is my first, and I'm 99% sure is the only ... I'll be 19 in may. People have become religious simply by watching how this happened. I will not get into that subject here though. My point is, it depends on the person, more than just physically and emotionally. I wasn't aware that "hot" was a Xtian quality? Anyway I am glad you are happy and glad you found someone. I think there is more to life than religion. There are plenty of non religious people who have had long marriages. You are very young and your relationship is obviously new. Same with you 18-25 buds. When y'all reach your silver and golden anniversaries then you have some bragging rights about success. My parents were married for 48 years and neither one of them were religious. I happen to believe that Snot Pnats is correct in the above quote. Also, what I am promoting in this thread has nothing to do with religion, because what I am promoting can be seen to be true accross most modern populations, regardless of whether we are looking at religious or non-religious people.
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 15:55:33 GMT -5
The problem is that many guys view the some essential behaviour of being independent and flirting as 'being a jerk'. Things like teasing, not being available all the time, being sexually upfront. It's called being cocky but funny. You have to maintain a challenge or else you come off as needy and no woman likes that in a man unless they have some weird dominatrix fetish. Terrahawk comes very close to my own understanding of the dynamic. When you are secure in yourself (men), you will undoubtedly arrive at the point where you are cocky but funny with your dates, even if you are a bit shy by nature. They (your dates) will object at first, because they might be very used to being 'worshipped' by the men who approach them. You, on the other hand, do not 'worship them', yet they like you still, and so they end up being a bit confused about you. None of this matters to you really, because you know that you are a good catch, and you know that eventually, in the dating relationship, your date will begin to try to control you (subdue you) with the types of superficial tactics that have always worked on her other dates. But you, because you already understand these tactics in advance and even better than she understands them herself, you will of course deflect her efforts in a way that won't insult her but will teach her (break her) into understanding that it is you, and not her, who is calling the shots in the early stages of the relationship. Bravo. This is one post that seems to catch on to what I am promoting.
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 15:59:17 GMT -5
I know this may be the wrong place to ask this, but I'm curious. Do the women here see alot of this speed seduction behavior (cocky and funny, negative hits, kino, etc.) when you go out, and what do you think of it? Is it easy to spot? Are you impressed? Maybe I should start a new thread. Zaab, I read your post, and I just want to add that "cocky and funny" is not a "speed seductive" technique. "Cocky and funny" is a state of mind that takes quite a bit of time to develop by those who didn't come by it either naturally or by early training from other men who have it. There's absolutely nothing "quick and dirty" about "Cocky and funny". "Cocky and funny" is a state of mind that certain men own, and they own it all the time, whether they are out on a date or not. It is one of the sure marks of a man who knows how to manage his surrounding situation, no matter what it might be, his dating life included.
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 16:06:40 GMT -5
i have. yes, it is easy to spot once you know about it. Were you swept off your feet by it? "Cocky and funny" takes many forms, and we could come up with a dozen word pairs to describe how it appears. No matter what you call it, it is not a trait that will ever sweep a women off her feet! Instead, it is a quality that teaches a maladjusted woman that despite whatever she has been taught, her good looks do not control how a stable, smart man will deal with her. Also, by the workings of these same dynamics, suspicious women don't often get the chance to spend time with a self-assured man. When it comes to different types of women, the suspicious type of woman usually shies away from self-assured men, and chooses instead to seek out weaker men whom she knows she can dominate. In fact, she will usually seek out the kind of men who would post a thread entitled "Why do nice guys always finish last?". Thanks so much for the input. It is a fascinating subject, and I look forward to many more posts about it.
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 16:10:22 GMT -5
The problem is that many guys view the some essential behaviour of being independent and flirting as 'being a jerk'. Things like teasing, not being available all the time, being sexually upfront. It's called being cocky but funny. You have to maintain a challenge or else you come off as needy and no woman likes that in a man unless they have some weird dominatrix fetish. Terahawk, you don't write much, but what you write is "dead on". You have hit the nail on the head. The challenge is to teach those who suffer from 'nice guy' syndrome to understand and use the wisdom for their own benefit (which, for the good men, ends up benefitting their chosen mates, too).
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 16:19:19 GMT -5
i have. yes, it is easy to spot once you know about it. if i knew someone was doing it just because they were shy, i wouldn't be offended by it. but it kind of makes me feel like i'm dealing with someone who thinks they can push my buttons and automatically produce certain behavior. kind of a turnoff. i'm not a lab rat. I'm very, very happy that you would not define yourself as a lab-rat, good for you. My efforts are geared toward showing the greater part of "Nice guys" how they allow themselves to be treated as lab-rats again and again by certain types of women. They most often end up bewildered, and wondering to themselves how things could have gone so wrong when they themselves "did all the right things". That's why I'm so glad to see your support here as we move on together to show men how to stop being 'lab-rats' to certain kinds of women!
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Post by shyiscool on Mar 30, 2006 16:26:56 GMT -5
COMING SOON:
Theme: "Never Reward Bad Behavior"
It happens all of the time: A guy does all the right things, and ends up being blamed for some side issue that really has nothing to do with anything at all!
It takes many forms, but here's one: He shows up for a date, and she is not there. In fact, she has stood him up. A day later, on the phone, she offers no apology, but instead, she blames him, and tries to convince him that her failure was his fault.
What will we talk about when we get to this topic??
Here's what we will talk about:
Certain kinds of men, in this kind of situation, will give in to her charade, and will even end up apologizing to her! Often they will go the extra mile to buy her a little trinket, or to do some other thing to show her how subservient he really is.
Other kinds of men will understand the game in advance, will anticipate even the no-show, will expect that their date will stand them up early in the game, and will therefore also know exactly how to control the situation as needed.
Which kind of man are you?
If you are the 'nice guy' type, don't despair. We'll talk about why some men do what you would do, and why some men wouldn't do what you would do. We'll also discuss why any woman worth her salt will end up more attracted to the man who sees through her games, and why she will never be attracted to subservient men.
If you think you will have to work hard and struggle to put the ideas into practice, you are wrong. Once you understand the ideas as true, you will at first feel a bit ashamed and embarassed, thinking to yourself "How could I have let myself be used like that??". But then, like a ray of sunshine dropping down through a cloud, you will suddenly begin to see not only your date in a new light, but all women in their good and bad ways of dealing with men, and you behavior will change NATURALLY and AUTOMATICALLY. You will see that once you understand what his happening all around you, doing the right thing becomes natural, and you won't have to work at it at all!
Remember, we're not talking about 'women versus men' here. We're talking about teaching some men how to regain the control that is due them by virtue of their role as the man in the relationship.
For the time being, let me state it clear to "nice guys" everywhere:
When your date behaves badly, NEVER reward her bad behavior.
Simply put: In a dating relationship, weak men, because the fear losing the girl, often accept blame that is not theirs, and even end up rewarding the girl who disrespected them. Believe it or not, there are some men out there who will allow themselves to be disrespected by a woman in one moment, and who will end up at the flower shop the next grasping at straws to find a way to try to keep the very woman who gave the disrespect in the first place!
Self assured men don't do that. Instead, they anticipate the game well before it happens, and so when it happens, self-assured men know EXACTLY how to handle the situation.
See it? A girl senses that a man is weak and needy, she begins to have contempt for him, even if she herself can't even spell "contempt". She disrepects him. She watches carefully to see how he will respond to her disrespect. He becomes subservient and apologetic! She not only rejects him further, she laughs behind his back in her conversations with her girlfriends. She makes a joke of him, telling all of her friends how she dissed him and then how he ended up sucking up to her as a result!! That, good men, is the cycle of contempt that takes place when a weak man spends time with a superficial woman.
Here's the idea:
MEN: NEVER, EVER, EVER REWARD YOUR WOMAN'S BAD BEHAVIOR.
N------E-------V-------E--------R !!
Cheers!
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Post by GreenFerret on Mar 30, 2006 17:22:52 GMT -5
Well of course you can't let a woman get away with being an ass! It works the other way around, as well. If you let someone treat you like shit--they will. As for the "cocky but funny" (I'd call it "funny but cocky" ) I've never found cockiness to be anything but a turn-off. Confidence is wonderful; funny is, too. Cocky is just irritating. I guess it depends what kind of woman you want to attract. I think "cocky/funny" is likely to attract the kind of woman who likewise wants to "play the game."
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Post by GreenFerret on Mar 30, 2006 17:41:56 GMT -5
if this guy isn't selling something somewhere i'd be very surprised. Yeah, I'd guess he's either he's a plagiarist or a salesman--if not in fact, then in spirit.
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Post by zaab on Mar 30, 2006 21:20:04 GMT -5
I feel like someone is going to start singing "76 Trombones" any second now. (If you ever saw "The Music Man," you'll catch my drift.)
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Post by shyiscool on Apr 1, 2006 11:16:01 GMT -5
if this guy isn't selling something somewhere i'd be very surprised. Sweetpea, I would not refer to you as a third person-outsider in your company. And if we were all together in a group, I would not turn away from you to talk to others about you. Now, that does not mean that you and me, we have to follow the same code of ethics. I just wanted to point out what you did there, and look what happened in the next few posts that came after your quoted post. Be a leader !
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