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Post by pnoopiepnats on Oct 25, 2007 8:53:02 GMT -5
I really haven't been exposed too much to this until now. There is one girl I work with who had an arranged marriage. I guess they have been married since the first of the year and she seems very happy.
This guy I work with who just last week was saying he didn't have a girlfriend today announced he was getting married in a few months. This is an arranged marriage too.
Why does it seem to work?
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Post by MrNice on Oct 25, 2007 9:04:08 GMT -5
the big purpose of marriage is for two people to hook up and raise some kids - why shouldn't it work?
as far as being happy, you can't just take one example of someone that told you they were happy. For a complete picture you would need a large random sample of arranged marriages and see how it works for all those couples. My guess is that the amount of happy marriages is about the same as with other marriages.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 25, 2007 9:08:45 GMT -5
I really haven't been exposed too much to this until now. There is one girl I work with who had an arranged marriage. I guess they have been married since the first of the year and she seems very happy. This guy I work with who just last week was saying he didn't have a girlfriend today announced he was getting married in a few months. This is an arranged marriage too. Why does it seem to work? i don't think everyone believes in the concept of romantic love or a soul mate or whatever. they just want a relationship that gives them what they want out of life. people have different expectations from marriage. *shrug* |
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Post by skyhint on Oct 25, 2007 11:38:07 GMT -5
I think there is more than just one person in the world for each of us. You'd have to be a pretty disagreeable person not to get along with so many people. I don't want a husband but if I did he'd just need to be someone I can be around every day with out getting sick of him.
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Post by gaz on Oct 25, 2007 16:59:59 GMT -5
I really haven't been exposed too much to this until now. There is one girl I work with who had an arranged marriage. I guess they have been married since the first of the year and she seems very happy. This guy I work with who just last week was saying he didn't have a girlfriend today announced he was getting married in a few months. This is an arranged marriage too. Why does it seem to work? Are they Asian by any chance? I think that it works more if the people are born in their homeland, but there are British born asians here in the Uk who have a more British identity and live like westerners, rather than the traditional ways their parents would have wanted them raised with. I believe that it is wrong to force someone to marry a person whom they have often never met. |
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Post by phoenixferret on Oct 25, 2007 17:49:47 GMT -5
This just brings to mind--I think one of the sweetest love scenes is in Fiddler on the Roof when Tevye sings “ Do you love me?” to his wife by arranged marriage. Although earlier in that same movie, Tevye was trying to marry off his daughter to that old guy, and a big focus of the movie is on the daughters marrying for love instead of entering arranged marriages, lol. Which again reminds me of how sweet the little love story between the daughter and her friend with the glasses is, too... It's just a really good movie. ;D Aaaaanyway... I really haven't been exposed too much to this until now. There is one girl I work with who had an arranged marriage. I guess they have been married since the first of the year and she seems very happy. This guy I work with who just last week was saying he didn't have a girlfriend today announced he was getting married in a few months. This is an arranged marriage too. Why does it seem to work? i don't think everyone believes in the concept of romantic love or a soul mate or whatever. they just want a relationship that gives them what they want out of life. people have different expectations from marriage. *shrug* Yeah, it seems that like in India, love between partners is expected to be more of a warmth of feeling that grows, rather than the passionate/romantic love that is *expected* here. Which is only to say that over there, the passion is more like icing than a whole cake. There's also the fact that the bride and groom are usually selected by close relatives of the man and woman involved, so chances are good that you'll end up with someone pretty decent, even if they don't quite sweep you off your feet. And if you're not *expecting* to be blown away, I imagine it's not difficult to be happy with someone who may be good, but not "great." Not to mention the chance of friction between your husband and your family is small, since the parents probably hand-picked the guy for you. I've read, or maybe seen in a movie, that the joke in India is that a marriage is often seen as a marriage of two families, more than just the union of individuals. Also, "buyer's remorse" is less probable when your religion or culture emphasizes that divorce is either not an option, or is very much frowned upon. Studies have shown that people are much less satisfied with what they have if there is a possibility of changing it for something else. With that all said… the parents and grandparents of one of my apartment-mates were all part of arranged marriages. The parents don’t care for each other, and the mother has told my roommate repeatedly and bitterly to never settle like she did—not a great situation for anyone involved. My roommate also mentioned that he felt his grandfather, a taciturn and unlikable guy, had more or less ruined the life of his sweet grandmother, but that he didn’t blame the grandfather because their marriage was just the way things were done. So it definitely doesn’t always work, lol. |
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Post by Sweet Pea on Oct 26, 2007 7:43:05 GMT -5
i saw a film recently called 'marie antoinette' where they graphically represent how difficult arranged marriages can be. if you're interested in the subject, it was a pretty good film
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Post by madiocre on Jul 2, 2008 8:59:37 GMT -5
i dunno maybe because its more based on practicality then actual emotions which are very messy therefor taking out of the equation makes it a little more easy in a way . I mean love is very confusing and the expectation that you are meant to feel it and so is your partner and its all unsure and is it "meant to be" am i with the right person can be shaky ground . Where as the approach with the arranged mariage is that ok well yeah we are in this together lets make it work not lets see if we just "fall" in love .
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etn
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Post by etn on Jul 2, 2008 22:51:30 GMT -5
It worked out for Apu on the Simpsons.
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jul 3, 2008 9:36:42 GMT -5
It worked out for Apu on the Simpsons. 8 kids? Sounds delightful..  |
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Post by Lollipop on Jul 4, 2008 0:33:18 GMT -5
I've read, or maybe seen in a movie, that the joke in India is that a marriage is often seen as a marriage of two families, more than just the union of individuals. Also, "buyer's remorse" is less probable when your religion or culture emphasizes that divorce is either not an option, or is very much frowned upon. We spoke of arranged marriages in my Anthropology classes in college. I remember the professors mentioning one reason for their success in some cultures is because the two people usually work harder at maintaining their marriage so they don't shame and disappoint their families. |
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etn
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Post by etn on Jul 4, 2008 2:33:40 GMT -5
It worked out for Apu on the Simpsons. 8 kids? Sounds delightful.. Well if hadn't been for Apu and the Simpson family slipping Manjula fertility drugs... Hmmmm, I know way too much trivia about that show... I really must work on getting a life |
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gaia
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Post by gaia on Jul 4, 2008 11:39:00 GMT -5
8 kids? Sounds delightful.. Well if hadn't been for Apu and the Simpson family slipping Manjula fertility drugs... Hmmmm, I know way too much trivia about that show... I really must work on getting a life lol. Aww but The Simpsons are great. ;D |
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Post by Astroruss on Jul 4, 2008 22:07:24 GMT -5
Some of my Muslim friends have had arranged marriages, and yes they seem to get along fine. But they are also young still, mid 20's, and may not get along well in the future when the shit hits the fan.  They've told me that they're parents arranged the betrothal when they were 3 or 4 years old. Over time, as the boy and girl matured, they're introduced to each other gradually in a family setting, often at family events like parties and other gatherings. Sometimes at the mosque or temple in religious participation. One of my friends in particular, Ahmed, says he was given the choice to marry his betrothed, Jamel, or not when he turned 18. He consented, as did she. Probably because they were exposed to each other early on and often throughout their lives, and learned mutual respect. Mutual respect is what makes marriages work.  |
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Post by Astroruss on Jul 4, 2008 22:10:49 GMT -5
I've read, or maybe seen in a movie, that the joke in India is that a marriage is often seen as a marriage of two families, more than just the union of individuals. Also, "buyer's remorse" is less probable when your religion or culture emphasizes that divorce is either not an option, or is very much frowned upon. We spoke of arranged marriages in my Anthropology classes in college. I remember the professors mentioning one reason for their success in some cultures is because the two people usually work harder at maintaining their marriage so they don't shame and disappoint their families. I agree; I think arranged marriages work out because the wife and husband work harder at maintaining their relationship. I think they do this because their own parents probably came from arranged marriages too, and so respect the tradition more. |
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