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Post by Bodhi on Nov 30, 2007 23:43:03 GMT -5
20 miles away is too far?? Sounds like an excuse to me. I know long distance relationships can be very hard and I would understand if it actually would be a long distance relationship. But 20 miles?? That's like a 20 minute drive. I don't see why that would even be much of an issue.
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Post by strawberrysweetie on Dec 1, 2007 1:28:17 GMT -5
ummm...20 miles is most definitely not too far. That's absurd, imo. When I think "long distance," I think at least out-of-state. No offense, but maybe this guy has a screw loose. Because seriously, that is not far by any means. UNLESS...he has no means of transportation to visit you. 20 miles would be a long way to walk.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 1, 2007 3:51:54 GMT -5
It sounds like an excuse to say he isn't really interested anymore.
20 miles is nothing. I used to drive further than that every day to work.
Tell him to try 11,000 miles.
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Post by gaz on Dec 1, 2007 6:17:07 GMT -5
20 miles is nothing. I drive 30 miles each way to work every day. You just have to accept that this guy will not be more than a friend.
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Post by MrNice on Dec 1, 2007 9:40:30 GMT -5
well, if you had to walk 20 miles thats far
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Post by gSteve on Dec 1, 2007 12:50:16 GMT -5
20 miles is pretty close, its difficult to find someone online much closer, my girlfriend lived 200 miles away when we met online and we now live together
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Post by unionjackattack86 on Dec 1, 2007 17:41:18 GMT -5
some guy i started talking to online made a big deal about how far we live and went on to say how he doesn't think anything more would develop between us because of the distance. though he would like friendship. we live 20 miles away. is this really that far? im just kinda upset cause it seems like he is rejecting me before he even met me. and i tend to think if you really liked someone you would at least try first to see if it could work. i dunno. i mean we didnt even meet yet, im not sure why he even brought it up. he said he didnt want me to go into it expecting more. ahh! thats not far at all, the girl I like lives in a different country! (we have met in person but only speak online now, which is unfortunate as I found out that she likes me too.) Some people just use the internet to make new friends amongst other things, many people don't contemplate or want to meet a potential partner online. I think this is the case here, he just wants friends online and not partners. I wouldn't take it personally, just sounds like he doesn't want to find a relationship through the internet.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 1, 2007 19:24:24 GMT -5
even if you do have a car, it just depends on whether you can afford the gas for a frequent round trip commute to see them, plus depending on traffic patterns between you it could take up to a couple of hours out of your day to do it. so depending on what your life is like, it might not be very practical.
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Post by phoenixferret on Dec 1, 2007 20:12:39 GMT -5
even if you do have a car, it just depends on whether you can afford the gas for a frequent round trip commute to see them, plus depending on traffic patterns between you it could take up to a couple of hours out of your day to do it. so depending on what your life is like, it might not be very practical. The traffic thing was my thought, too, especially if one of you lives in a big city. 20 miles as the crow flies isn't bad at all; but depending on circumstance, 20 miles could seem prohibitive. If he's used to being within walking distance of a girlfriend's apartment, maybe he's been spoiled on very close distance. He could even just be picky, which many people find it easier to become online. Or he might be getting jittery about the idea of meeting and therefore looking at everything with a critical eye. If that's the case, there's a good chance he'll lighten up about the "distance" issue once the stress of the first meeting has passed. It's a good idea not to have too many expectations about the first meeting, anyway--as though you can help it, eh? But yeah, I'd say to just file away stuff like this until you meet him and see if you click. If things go really well, there's a good chance he'll forget ever having had an issue with the 20 miles. And if he keeps hemming and hawing over the distance after meeting in person, you'll know it's either an excuse, or that he's just not eligible partner material, unfortunately.
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WinceRind
Full Member
Requesting some enlightenment
Posts: 133
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Post by WinceRind on Dec 3, 2007 20:50:37 GMT -5
The context in which you communicate might be an indicator, too. If you met this person through an online site specifically for dating, the 20 mile distance comment is almost surely a polite way of declining interest. In this case it might make sense to move on.
If you met through a random social networking connection, there may be less of a chance it's an outright rejection (although that possibility's still there). To test this out, you might just want to continue building the relationship online before trying to take it offline -- there is such a thing as moving too fast. ;-)
Also remember, if this is a young person dependent on his parents for transportation, it would probably be awkward for him to ask folks for a ride so he can meet some person he speaks with on the Inter Nets, hehe.
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Post by iroseiroared3 on Dec 6, 2007 23:42:16 GMT -5
Twenty miles is absolutely nothing! Unless his excuse is that maybe neither one of you drive and there's at least 6 inches of snow on the ground everyday.. and he absolutely hates buses.. yeah I think he just wants to be your friend then. That does suck though. But don't feel bad.. I never had good luck with men online either.
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 7, 2007 0:37:43 GMT -5
just don't take it personally. who knows...maybe he's shy.
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Post by Crashtastic on Dec 7, 2007 1:06:16 GMT -5
I live about 35 miles away from the boyfriend and I go there every weekend. I wouldn't consider 20 miles long distance....unless the traffic dealy is an issue
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Post by Sweet Pea on Dec 30, 2007 13:21:57 GMT -5
UPDATE: I met him last night for dinner! And he was actually really nice! Yay! Oh and he came and picked me up and not once mentioned it being too far. It was so nice to meet someone new and to get out! Thank you guys! alright! good for you for going out and giving it a try! you took a risk and it paid off. glad you lhad a good time.
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Post by pnoopiepnats on Dec 30, 2007 17:17:28 GMT -5
UPDATE: I met him last night for dinner! And he was actually really nice! Yay! Oh and he came and picked me up and not once mentioned it being too far. It was so nice to meet someone new and to get out! Thank you guys! Glad you had a good time out and took a chance! ;D
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